Dear Guru: Mustard Sally
I’m withholding my otherwise witty comment.
Q.
Why do we put mustard on hot dogs?
—#Kzinti #from #Twitter
A.
I’ll be happy to answer that perceptive question. But first I feel the urge to sing.
Mustard Sally, think you better slow your mustard down.
Mustard Sally, think you better slow your mustard down.
You been running all over my hot dog.
Oh! I guess we’ll have to have your mustard on the ground.
Yo, cat! Sup? I have to say thanks for the question. I relish this opportunity. I shall endeavor to layer my response. Yep. Like an ogre. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers.
Continue reading →
Blogger’s Message: The Cheer In Review
Artist’s rendition of my smile.
Mr. Editor, Mr. Blogger’s Apprentice (unpaid), members of the WordPress community, fellow Abyssians, dear reader:
I am happy. I am elated. I am full of good cheer.
Yes, it has been a banner year for negativity. The future is so bright I have to wear shades. Just make sure the lenses are made out of lead to stop the radiation.
To my apprentice, let me say this: Make no mistake, I need another trenta caramel frappuccino with whipped cream. Go get me one.
In short, there’s good news on every possible horizon. Hyppo and Critter have made up and are getting along famously. The Guru on the top of the mountain is only giving out good advice. Our son has outgrown his gerbil phase and is treating us decently. Hell, I’ve even forgiven my #boss and we kissed and made up. There is no pain. I am not crying.
Scream Within A Dream
Dimly I slowly become aware that I’m no longer asleep. When did that happen? I’m not really sure. My eyes become imperceptible slits just enough to perceive a bit of the world external to my body. That level of activity in my eyeballs takes an amazing amount of effort. Holy shit it’s dark. I suddenly realize I am curious. The burning question in my mind is obvious: What time is it? I pierce through an entirely new level of consciousness and become aware my body is in the wrong position if I ever hope to see the clock. What an incredible perception on my part. Some time later I realize this means I’m going to have to physically move if I’m ever going to obtain an answer to my question. Continue reading →
An apple a day keeps the … yuck!
I try to eat an apple every day. My habit is to swing by the grocery store on the way to work and get an apple every morning. When apples are 98 cents a pound an apple will cost about 48 cents each depending on the size. Stopping by the store every morning guarantees I’ll get, at least theoretically, the freshest apple I can possibly can.
What I’ve been noticing, though, is that this year the quality of apples has been going down. Some have been downright inedible.
Then I realized I’ve been seeing the same thing with onions. You’re in the mood to cook so you swing by the grocery and grab the freshest ingredients. You get home and slice open the onion and … yuck! It’s rotten on the inside.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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