Tag Archives: new york

A little bit Jetery on both sides of the ball

Derek Jeter. Source: Wikipedia.

Today we look at two people who recently made news in the wacky wide world of sports. Baseball, specifically.

First up, right off the bat (heh), is Christian Lopez, age 23. Profession: Customer service rep at Verizon. This is the guy who caught Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit, which turned out to be a home run to right-center.

In the world of baseball grown men are sometimes silly about their balls. Jeter wanted to possess the special 3,000th hit baseball. The weird part? That kid Lopez gave the ball back.

Said the kid: “I know I did the right thing. It never crossed my mind to not give it back. I’m only 23. I have plenty of time to make money.”

In a post-game conference the kid said that the ball and the moment belonged to Jeter.

It is estimated that the ball has a cash value of $100,000 to $250,000.

I don’t believe in karma, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when good deeds pay off. The Steinbrenner family was so touched by the gesture that they rewarded Lopez with four luxury box seats for all 32 remaining regular season games this year, plus playoffs and the World Series, if the Yankees make it that far. The seats have an estimated value of $40,000.

In this world where greed and money rule above all else, Lopez did a nice thing for another human being. And that’s why it is such big news. It was such a peculiarly odd thing to do.

Stepping in from the on deck circle is Derek Jeter himself. Now 37 years old, he’s the only player in Yankee history to have 3,000 hits. And only the 28th in MLB history. The big 3k came in dramatic fashion on a home run shot to right-center field.

I don’t often speak well about grown men employed in the profession of hitting a little ball with a stick, but Jeter may very well be a special case. I think it is safe to say that a lot of women consider him to be “hunky.” He has dated women like singer Mariah Carey, a former Miss Universe, actress Jessica Biel and several other beautiful and famous women. Never married, Jeter’s current girlfriend is actress Minka Kelly, and rumors and speculation about a possible engagement abound.

Unlike other scumbag professional athletes like cheater Tiger Woods, cheater/penis photographer Brett Favre and (potentially) doper Lance Armstrong, Jeter has never been rocked by scandal and appears to be one of the few on the up and up.

The very next day after getting 3k with a home run, Jeter followed up with a dramatic 5-for-5 performance, including the game-winning hit. He may not be as spry as he once was, but he’s still one of the biggest names in baseball and consistently one of the most entertaining to watch.

I offer a modest tip of the Abyss hat to both of these men who did something exceptional on the same day. Uh, wait. I just wrote a nice post about two people. What’s wrong with me?

Favre goes deep — in his pants

My that's a BIG truck! A man-sized truck! Is that thing stick?

Look at the size of that thing! Um, yeah. I’m talking about his truck, not his junk, yo!

I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill but the Favre chatter caught my interest today. Good thing he stuck around another year so this can be his legacy!

Some Brett Favre activity today from the Twitter:

Think I’m making this up? Here’s a link to a news story and shiznit. 🙂

So I heard about the Brett Favre story in the news. Ugh. Then I saw the tweet about it. Then I cracked a joke on Twitter. Then I got curious and looked it up. Yep. He drove a Chevy Silverado. No joke. It’s true.

Of course I also have the exact same theory about men who attempt to use their power to control women sexually. Coincidence? I think not.

Note: I wish to point out that I took the high road and avoided the phrase “drive it home.” Oops. Until now, that is. 🙂

Hyppo and Critter: About the Mosque

Airlock Time: Dudley Enright

Oh great airlock of space and time, hear my plea! We need you down here on earth today!

An act has been committed. Now comes time for the whining and begging and the attempts to shank all responsibility. Oops. Freudian slip there.

Meet Mr. Michael Enright, the man of the hour. This young man, age 21, apparently asked a New York taxi driver if he was Muslim, and when he got confirmation that was indeed the case, uttered the fateful words, “Consider this a checkpoint” and opened up with his Leatherman on the man’s neck, forearms, face, and hand.

So what are the pertinent facts in this case?

  • Enright was drunk. Oh, so sorry, old chap. I didn’t know. Uncuff him immediately. He’s free to go.
  • He’s only 21. Yep, never mind. It’s ok to slice and dice humans up like a true master of Ginsu.
  • He’s a college student. Duh. Where do you think he got his training?
  • He did volunteer work in Afghanistan. This little bit of info is so important that media places it prominently in the lead frickin’ paragraph. As if it means something.
  • He greeted the driver in Arabic. What’s this supposed to prove? It takes one to know one?
  • He’s an honors student. Ooh, we should go easy on him. He’s a good person!
  • He lives with his parents. True, that does explain a lot. Another gerbil on the rampage.
  • He volunteered with a group that promotes “interfaith dialogue.” Welp, I guess it’s safe to take that off the list of shit that’s helpful, eh?
  • He volunteered with a group that “involved veterans.” Media sure didn’t miss this important fact, whatever the hell it means.

Please don’t let the airlock be denied. Powerful forces will ally to prevent this young man from being sucked out into space, but in the end, I sincerely hope and pray that the airlock will prevail.

Some people say we don’t need hate crime laws. I say this is a textbook case of why we do. Without the Muslim hating component this attack would have never occurred.

In other news, shouldn’t everyone carry a Leatherman in their pocket when they are out drinking? Damn those are handy versatile little suckers.

In the name of the most holy Airlock, amen.

Sodium won’t catch up

Ketchup or catsup? At least as far as my browser’s built-in spellchecker is concerned, it’s definitely the former. It chokes on the latter.

I went to Wal-Mart last night to get a good deal on cat food. I normally avoid Wal-Mart like the plague. I hate that place. While there, however, I remembered we were out of ketchup, so I attempted to traverse my way to the grocery section – without the aid of a map.

I found ketchup and began scanning the various shapes and sizes focusing on cost per ounce. A mysterious empty section of the shelf caught my eye. It was completely empty. A little label said “Heinz Ketchup, 40 ounce, $1.00.” Whoa! What the heck was that all about? At my local grocery store this would have been $3 or more. I bent down and saw four bottles way in the back. They were mine! I watched like a hawk at checkout and sure enough, those bottles were $1 each with no coupon. Wow.

I love ketchup. A lot. It’s by far my favorite condiment. It goes on fries (of course), hash browns, scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese, meat loaf (pre-veggie days) and probably a few other things I’m forgetting. My wife the expert cook doesn’t use it quite as much as me and many times I’ve tried to use it on her cooking and have received the Stare of Death.

The ingredients in Heinz ketchup (per the label) are:

  • Tomato concentrate from red ripe tomatoes
  • Distilled vinegar
  • High fructose corn syrup
  • Corn syrup
  • Salt
  • Spice
  • Onion powder
  • Natural flavoring

Wow. High fructose corn syrup! The label says a “serving” of ketchup is 1 tablespoon and contains 15 calories. A tablespoon is three teaspoons and a teaspoon of sugar has 15 calories. So I guess that means that ketchup is made of about the equivalent of one-third sugar. Yikes.

On a 2,000 calorie per day diet those calories represent about 3.3% of your “daily values” or DV (even though the label doesn’t actually do the DV math on calories).

Then the word “sodium” on the label caught my eye. A serving contains 190mg or 8% of DV. Eight percent of your daily salt limit in a single tablespoon of ketchup? Yikes, that seems high. That must have something to do with the fact that “salt” is the fifth ingredient (by volume). I can only imagine what happens when I use ketchup on my heavily over-salted french fries.

Earlier this month Heinz quietly changed their formula for ketchup. It was the first “significant” change to their recipe in nearly 40 years. A company spokesperson said that the change will not be noted on product packaging except, presumably, in the Nutrition Facts box. The amount of sodium reduction will be about 15 percent or 160mg per serving.

This recipe change pertains to the United States version of Heinz ketchup. In Canada the recipe is already only 140mg of sodium per serving and “tends to have a sweeter taste than the U.S. version.”

The politics of ketchup? We heard a bit about Heinz when John Kerry was running for president. This sodium change, however, is at least in part to the “National Salt Reduction Initiative” spearheaded by New York City and Mayor Michael Bloomberg. “Heinz is one of 16 major food manufacturers that has voluntarily joined the program.”

So, naturally, web sites like the aptly named Hot Air decry Heinz ketchup a “casualty of the liberal doctrine.” Yeah, whatever.

I personally believe the average American diet contains way too much salt. I salt very few things like steak (which I don’t eat any more) and corn on the cob. I believe that most processed foods we eat already contain so much salt it would be nuts to add more.

Kissing three asses at the same time; the Giuliani hat trick

Rudy Giuliani

I couldn't find a picture of Giuliani in his custom baseball hat - so please enjoy this teddy bear

The New York Yankees baseball club is in the playoffs again this year. We all know what that means: More closeup shots of Rudy Giuliani wearing his custom baseball hat and enjoying really good seats.

The hat he’s sporting isn’t just a hat with the NY Yankees famous logo. It doesn’t honor the memory of 9/11 with a reference to NYPD or NYFD either.

Nay. Verily, it somehow defies all odds and combines all three!

The hat reads: PD *NY* FD

Niiiiiiiice. It’s the triple threat of 9/11 and New York references.

[picapp src=”d/0/2/3/Giuliani_Stumps_For_1949.jpg?adImageId=6964170&imageId=2390317″ width=”234″ height=”193″ /]

Rumor has it that if you pry this piece of art from his cranium with a crow bar and turn it inside out it forms a diorama of Giuliani standing on a pile of rubble in drag with his current favorite mistress.

In Giuliani’s dictionary GOP must stand for Greatly Offensive Pandering.

Here tushy tushy tushy.

Smooch smooch smooch.