My Blue Pen
Times don’t change. People do.
When I was younger I wrote t-shirts. In 8th grade I wore the Star Wars variety every day for an entire year. Every. Single. Day. Yeah, I was out memeing while most of you were still in your diapers. You might say it was a sign of things to come.
Somewhere on the way to becoming a grumpy grandpa my practice of wearing t-shirts gradually fell to the wayside and was replaced by button-front shirts. Nothing fancy, mind you. I still hate clothes. But if I have to wear them at least give me a pocket and a place to keep my pen.
That’s another thing. Somehow I picked up strange habits involving pens.
At one time or another I must have experienced a traumatic “lost pen” incident. I began to glom on to them. I’d spend a good part of my day concerned about the location and status of my pen. And may the heavens help you if you tried to walk away with it. You would be smited.
Continue reading →
Top 10 List: Nerd Rage
Nerd Rage is not an exact science. There are no right or wrong answers. All approaches have their validity and pros and cons.
The following list is offered as a general guide only. It is not intended to be a road map. Your mileage may vary. The important thing is to be creative and make it your own. Play with it. Get crazy. Do things in a slightly different order.
Much like there are five generally accepted steps in the grieving process, this list attempts to make sense of nerd rage. I think I wrote it after spending eight hours trying to get music from iTunes to sync with my iPad. You know, that thing at which Apple is rumored to excel.
Nerd Rage List
in order of escalation
- Shrug and blame it on the cloud. Optimistically try to work the problem.
- Feel irritated.
- Feel more irritation.
- Say out loud (or tweet): “WTH”
- Say out loud (or tweet): “WTF”
- Yell, “G*ddammit!”
- Symbolically pound something causing no real damage.
- Throw something breakable and smash it to bits.
- Drive angry.
- Repeatedly shoot a gun in the air.
- Head asplode. (Bonus step.)
I’ll close with an ancient guru curse: May you always have plenty of technology.
What causes your nerd rage?
And now, on a more personal note, I’d like for you to taste my heart.
There are many definitions, perhaps, to be found on the internet for “nerd rage” but this one is mine:
violent, uncontrollable anger, usually in response to electrically-powered modernized technology: in a terrible fit of nerd rage she smashed the DVD player to pieces.
Source: Demotivational Dictionary, Spew Edition, Filth Version, Unabridged, Fully Reviled and Updated
Courtesy notice: This word doesn’t usually appear in our free dictionary, but the definition from our premium Unabridged Dictionary is offered here on a limited basis. Note that some information is displayed differently in the Unabridged. To access the complete Unabridged Dictionary, with an additional 42,000,000 words that aren’t in our free dictionary, start a free trial.
Our DVD player had been giving us fits. It was so sensitive. Checking out TV shows from the library would result in marathon sessions of watching pixelated squares dance across the screen and/or chewing, grinding noises emanating from the DVD unit that delighted and entertained the cat.
Operating on the theory that, perhaps, our 15-year-old player didn’t offer the latest in playback technology, I dragged my ass into the nearest Best Buy to
be boiled alive and have my skin removed go shopping.
Continue reading →
Relationship advice you want, hmm?
Is there anything Star Wars can’t do? Not I think because I believe in the Force, and an ally powerful it is, yes? Hmmmmm.
Also, relationships are hard.
Suddenly it occurred to me. Star Wars can help. In fact, it’s easy. All you have to do is speak nothing but Star Wars quotes incessantly. Viola! Relationship all better.
Yes, it’s just that simple.
Let’s see some examples of this powerful technique in action.
Partner: Do I look fat in this? I’m thinking about going on a diet.
Jedi Knight (You): One thing’s for sure. We’re all gonna be a lot thinner!
If that doesn’t put a fun spin on serious issues, nothing will.
Help yourself to these freebie tips. Use them as appropriate when your relationship needs saving.
Continue reading →
Reblog: Are you a fanatic? (via the unabridged girl)
After a viewing of some strange new movie I’ve never heard about, Kenzie asks the question, “Are you a fanatic?”
I decided to answer the question with my camera. The results are documented above. I’m a Trekkie and proud of it. (If you look closely on the wall you’ll also see Darth Vadar, R2D2 and the Millenium Falcon. So I’m not a purist.)
Note: I didn’t try to photograph my collection of dice lest someone out there be prompted to have me committed. (Probably still a good idea, though.)