A Catholic providing final answers to someone presumably not Catholic in Ghent circa 1554. Image source: Library of Congress.

Here in the abyss, our committment to you, the reader, is to present interesting news of the day with our our special stylings and flair.

This week, Neal Horsley, an anti-abortion activist and gubernatorial candidate for the Creator’s Rights Party in the great state of Georgia was arrested for threatening the life of recording artist Sir Elton John.

The chain of events went a little something like this:

• Elton John announced he is a homosexual. (You heard it here first.) Note: This may have happened quite some time ago.
• In an interview with US Magazine Elton John said that Jesus Christ was a homosexual. The BBC reported the quote as: Jesus was a “super-intelligent gay man.”
• Cue the nutjob: In response, Horsley published a missive on the internet entitled, “Why Elton John Must Die.” A video was also posted on YouTube showing Horsley holding a sign that read “Elton John Must Die” outside of a condominium owned by Elton John. Source.

Praise the Lord that Horsley has since been arrested and charged with terroristic threats, criminal defamation and using the Internet to disseminate threats. Bail has been set at $40,000 and Horsley remains in custody at this time.

Stick an iron fork in him because he’s done.

Click here for the audio soundtrack to this post: I Hope You Die.