Tag Archives: national

The 49th State of Reality Awareness Part Two

alaska-state-poopers

Alaska. A land so vast that it turns out that it is big enough for the both of us. Our crack team of Discovery engineers has been hard at work calculating that 42 reality-based TV shows about this majestic and fascinating land just isn’t good enough. Not by a damn sight.

We’re gonna blow the lid off yet another story that needs to be told.

Thus, we are splittin’ a seam to unveil our latest bit of creative genius that fully explores every nook and cranny of America’s last frontier in a way the lower 48 has never quite seen before. Alaska State Poopers.

Like a Palin hoppin’ in a chopper fully-loaded for bear we are about to seriously unload, to pull back the lid as it were, on the brave men and women who patrol a wilderness so remote and vast it’s almost inconceivable someone built an outhouse there. Where there’s a will there’s a way. But someone’s still got to clean that shit up.

From tundra to toilet, when the job is just too dirty for anyone else, Alaska Sanitation Team (AST) stands vigilant and at the ready. Enough talk! Let’s plunge right in!

Pilot: S1E1 – “Watch Out For The Cornhole, Bud”
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Logic Shot Through The Heart

The NRA is the winner of this year’s SFTA Batshit Crazy Award. Congratulations! You earned it.

The existence of the National Rifle Association begs the question, “Can you win an argument with a crazy person?”

The answer, of course, is, “Hell no. BANG. BANG. You’re dead. Now don’t say shit like that ever again.”

Well shut my mouth.

I’ve been trying to think of an analogy to start this post. I utterly failed so we’ll go with the ever popular cookie.

“If you eat that cookie you will die.”

“You know what? I’m willing to risk it. NOM NOM NOM!!!”

Four years later…

“If you eat another cookie you will die.”

“Are you fucking serious? You were totally wrong about that four years ago. Totally. It is scientifically impossible to be any more wrong than you were. I’m still here. I ate the cookie and I didn’t die. You were the worst wrong of all time. You hold the world record for wrongness about that cookie. How do you live with the fact that you were absolutely wrong in every possible way?”

“Easy. I figured out that the cookie had an evil plan. It decided to kill you later. It didn’t kill you the first time because it wanted to lull you into a false sense of security. The next time you eat the cookie you will die. You’ll see. That’s why I was wrong. I failed to truly understand the evil and deviousness of that cookie.”

Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice? You must be the NRA.
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The calculus of NaNoWriMo

The Romans had their Coliseum. The sick bastards over at The Office of Letters and Light have a little something known as NaNoWriMo.

That stands for National Novel Writing Month.

Letters and Light? Are you kidding me? Euphemism much???

So yeah, obviously they get off on pain and humiliation. It’s a two-pronged approach. How does it work? A little something like this.
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I can’t stop thinking about Bush

Alas, for most of you who clicked this post based on the subject line, disappointment will be your friend. This post is political. (The subtle hint was the capital B in Bush.)

A website that is full of hot air tried to convince me recently that Obama is the undisputed king of debt or something to that effect.

So I did a little experiment.
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