BlogFestivus: Command Presents
This story is the third installment for “Ghost of Christmas Present” in a five-part series of 200-word stories for BlogFestivus, A Christmas Carol. Check out the links (at the bottom of this post) to all the participating “ghost” writers for this year’s challenge. I suspect you’re in for some dark, yet jolly, days. -BD
Command Presents
by Tom B. Taker
Scrooge doubled-over and braced himself as the nausea that proceeded Christmas-based time travel gut-wrenched his innards. Here we go again, he thought in dismay.
He undissolved and rubbed his eyes with gnarled knuckles as eyesight slowly returned. He blinked and his watery eyes dried and the world became clear.
Immediately he recognized the R&D department of his very own company. At last, a chance to see what those slackers did behind his back. Always the opportunist Scrooge was already planning to take advtange of these teleportations.
No bonuses this year because “revenue is down.”
The ghost was about to speak but Scrooge silenced him with a gesture of his hand. He didn’t want to miss anything.
At a computer that mealy bastard Cratchit was putting the finishing touches on a colorful graph. It would be the basis for denying all Christmas bonuses. With alarm, Scrooge saw the graph was trending up. No worries, he realized. For the memorandum he’d simply display it upside down.
Moving along, he came to a table where his nephew Fred worked feverishly at some bizarre electronics. For the first time, the ghost seemed troubled. “What is your man doing?” the ghost asked.
“Oh, you’ll see,” Scrooge replied. “You’ll see.”
—
Click on the links below for more takes on A Christmas Carol from our other BlogFestivus bloggers:
Linda penning at linda vernon humor
Steve from Stevil
Maria-Christina blogging at MCWhispers
Dylan of Treatment of Visions
Sarah from Parent Your Business
Dawn blogging at Lingering Visions
K8edid from k8edid
Dave bringing it at 1pointperspective
Eileen from Not The Sword But The Pen
Lindsey at RewindRevise
Kandy of Kandy Talk
Sandra writing at In Love With Words
Natalie from So I Went Undercover
Jen at Blog It or Lose It
Amelie from In the Barberry
Cee Cee blogging at Cee Cee’s Blog
Ashley from LittleWonder2
BD writing Blogdramedy
Paranormal Investigations – Gerbil Edition #video
There are two great mysteries in the life that one must unravel before traveling to the Great Beyond. One is the nature of the Bermuda Triangle. The other is, of course, how gerbils cause household items to go missing from the space-time continuum.
Today we uncover a disturbing piece of evidence that goes a long way towards explaining what really happens. I took the following raw footage at great risk of life and limb.
If you’re not willing to invest one minute and 44 seconds of your precious existence in the following ode to cinema, then I guess you really do hate my guts.
Hang on tight and be prepared for the twist at the end. “I see gerbil people!!!”
A Very Abyss Christmas Conundrum
This is a momentous occasion. It’s that festive time of the year when, by officious assertion, I issue ex cathedra Seasons Greetings Message O’ The Abyss.
This post contains a conundrum, too. Can you deduce what it is? Keeping reading for a hint.
In our grandest traditions I say unto you, “Merry Christmas!” I attend a ceremony on the yard of the Abyss House where I pardon a grown baby who has unsucceeded to empty nest aka Rodentia of Extraordinary Size. (Yes, “empty nest” can be a verb.) In the name of diversity there are Festivus activities for The Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength. A round beam is even erected on the courthouse grounds accompanied by a dish of spaghetti.
And, of course, there is the authorized and sanctioned Negativity Scene. (I’m crèching your heads!)
It is Christmastime in the Abyss!
The bigger question, though, is this: Can you identify what is askew about this post?
Continue reading →
Sock It To Me
Monkey assists me with a sock operation.
As an analytical a-hole, sometimes I do ordinary things in a very weird way. Case in point: One week ago today, in the morning, I was doing some last minute packing for the vacation that I’m currently on and wrap up today. We head for home in a few minutes.
I asked my wife: You think I should use the over-the-shoulder bag I always use for traveling, or use the actual suitcase for once since this will be a whole week?
She suggested the suitcase. She then asked if she could use some of it. “Sure,” I said, since above all else I am a sap. She promptly filled it using 95% of the space and said the other “half” was for me. I realized the bag would have been a big step up for me.
See the Light
I can occasionally be photographed. It looks a lot like this. Enjoy!
It’s rare, but sometimes the Abyss has visitors.
We’ve lived in this house for over three years now. Three bedrooms feels like the lap of luxury after our single-wide. Before we moved in, we scouted the house. I brought a tape measure and scoped out the smaller bedrooms. One was slightly larger than the other. I called dibs for my home office. (I was still working at home at the time. Something the Universe snatched away the day after we moved in.) The smaller room went to one of our gerbils that was still home nesting.
Eventually that gerbil moved out and entered his “no permanent residence – mooching” phase. (Where he remains to this day. It’s not a specific place. It’s a state of mind.)
The room he left behind was devastation. Firefighters showed up with sniffing dogs to look for survivors. The Governor declared a state of emergency. The President himself even circled the scene several times in his helicopter while on the way to the links, and although he didn’t land and actually step out, that still held a lot of symbolic meaning for us.
The walls were covered in gerbil spray. As my wife cleaned, she found dishes we hadn’t seen in years, in various states of decay. At last our collection of flatware was almost fully restored. (Many pieces, unfortunately, were lost forever when tossed in the garbage by our disinterested gerbildentia.)
Continue reading →
WTF is That?
Hi, kids! It’s time for another episode of “What the Fuck is That?”
To win, simply identify this object:
WTF is That?
Hints: Arachnophobia, venom, bite, insectoid, circus, idol
When you are ready to admit abject failure, you may click here for the answer.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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