It walks like a duck
I had this science fiction vision once. It’s the farthest corner of the universe. Two humans find themselves in an alien jail. The jail is overflowing with multitudes of strange creatures, life forms and aliens. They all have differing numbers of eyes, noses, mouths and faces. Some are sticky to the touch.
Humans are extremely rare in that part of the galaxy. But, against all odds, somehow there are two of them in the very same jail. The jail is enormous, like eight times the size of the Death Star. That’s because it’s operated as a for-profit enterprise by some alien corporation. But that’s another story.
One day the two isolated humans happen to bump into each other.
In that moment, I imagine they’d find some thread of a shred of humanity and commonality that they would cling to like a life raft in that alien sea.
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It puts it in its mouth and masticates
Yesterday I wrote a Hyppo and Critter about a ballot initiative in The Great State of Washington. (See the clickable inset image top right.) I wish to elaborate.
According to the official ballot measure summary:
This measure would require foods produced entirely or partly with genetic engineering, as defined, to be labeled as genetically engineered when offered for retail sale in Washington, beginning in July 2015. The labeling requirement would apply generally to raw agricultural commodities, processed foods, and seeds and seed stock, with some exceptions, but would not require that specific genetically-engineered ingredients be identified. The measure would authorize state enforcement and civil penalties, and allow private enforcement actions.
The Washington legislature failed to act on this item, so it will be presented to voters on the November 5, 2013 general election ballot.
Let them eat yellowcake! But let no force in the universe require us to tell them what we used as ingredients. (Hint: It rhymes with spit.)
–Yellowcake Producers of Abyss Hidden Crevice Ranch
I live in Portland, Oregon, so I’m a poor son of a bitch getting blasted by big money advertising in regards to this issue. That’s how it pierced my filter bubble. But more on that later.
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Interview Success – Honesty Can Suck It
The other day when I wrote about Facebook being the new creepy I got so worked up and excitable that I completely forgot the point. The main point. Writing an entire article and forgetting the primary thrust. Yeah, that’s me in a nutshell. And in more ways than one, if you get my thrust. (Wink, wink.)
This is part two in our ongoing series entitled Shit I Forgot To Say. Enjoy!
Let’s say you’re the elite. You wisely went out and got yourself a shiny Facebook page.
You voluntarily put your real name on it.
You populated the account with a myriad of pictures of your wonderful countenance. Because the world needs more of that. Yeah.
And then, gasp, you did something truly out there. You went way beyond the pale.
You spoke the truth about that fig pucker, your boss.
Obviously you can never have a job again.
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I Have Mouth and I Must Ream
So You Think You Can Prance: The world is my oyster!
I often say, “They walk among us.” I don’t think, not even once, I’ve ever meant that as a good thing.
That phrase can pull down all sorts of duty. From time to time its been employed to describe a wide range of people from those too stupid to be alive to those who steal anything that isn’t nailed down and everyone in between.
Today the word “they” refers to the “overly defined boundaries” type of people. These are people who aggressively live life exclusively on their own terms. No matter what. They have no “give” in anything they do. They make no compromises and they make no bones about it. They do things exactly how they want, always, and everyone else can be damned.
Heaven help you if they decide you are in their way.
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Gaffe Wars
Political candidates sometimes say inexplicable things. For example, recently Barack Obama said that “the private sector is doing fine” sending some on the right into epileptic fits that were half acrimony and half nirvana.
One thing about gaffes is attempting to discern what they really are. Just a slip of the tongue? Saying the opposite of what was intended by mistake? The accidental disclosures of true feelings? The perplexing result of being a bit too clever with arguments? Or just plain and simple “fuck my mouth” moments? Each gaffe needs to be explored to hopefully determine exactly which might be the case.
Obama tried to walk back his “fine” comment by saying he meant the private sector wasn’t the problem with the economy. When that didn’t pan out, he tried to frame it as a comment about “good momentum.” Finally he admitted that it was “absolutely clear” the private sector was not fine. I’m still a little confused about the whole thing and what he was really trying to say. Either way, some on the right were at the ready to rip his comment to shreds.
So I decided to explore some other moments in recent gaffe history.
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Puff the Magic Paragon
I'm Thomas Kilas. Tobacco vapor is my life.
This is part of ongoing series. The schtick is that I read something in the news and then go batshit crazy about it. What can I say? It’s what I do. I’m a visioneer.
My life is now complete. I’ve lived to see what I humbly call the “Quotation of the Millennium.” My work here is done. It is time for me to go. Nanu nanu.
There have been billions and billions of puffs on the cigarettes and we have not heard of this happening before.
–Thomas Kilas, co-founder of the Tobacco Vapor Electronic Cigarette Association
Mmm. Tobacco vapor. That sounds so good! It’s what’s for dinner. Have they figured out a way to make that into a breakfast cereal yet, I can’t help but wonder? One with natural and artificial flavors? I’m in need of the breakfast of champions!
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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