Embedded: Twitter puts outage
Hide and seek. Did I scare you?
Earlier this week, Twitter went down. It went down hard. It was scary. I know because I was there. I now officially have the PTSD. At last, I’m finally somebody.
The duration of the outage was about 45 minutes. That’s approximately twice the amount of time Apollo 13 spent out of radio contact when it was behind the moon. I just got a double dose of what it must have felt like to be in Mission Control. And I’m a non-smoker!
It was the longest outage since Twitter’s IPO and the second crash in the last nine days.
The outage was described in the strongest possible terms as the “longest outage since the IPO.” What those two things have to do with each other I have absolutely no idea.
Some in the media took the opportunity to write quippish jokes about the mayhem. (Hint: It was too soon.) Jokes, I must say, that practically wrote themselves.
- “Twitter Suffers Outage During Biz Stone’s Panel at SXSW” – I don’t know what a “Biz Stone” is but I bet it was pissed. Source: WSJ.
- “Twitter Outage Takes Site Down for 45 Minutes, Users Stranded” – I bet a lot of them were forced to hitchhike. Source: Newsmax.com.
- “Twitter goes down, chaos and productivity ensue” – What the fuck are you implying? Source: Washington Post.
- “‘We Experienced Unexpected Complications’: The Language Of Twitter Outages” – Hey, that’s the hip new lingo. Source: Lifehacker Australia.
- “Twitter Goes Down: Something is Technically Wrong” – You have a firm grasp of the obvious. Souce: The Next Web.
- “Twitter Briefly Goes Down, Silencing Millions Of Horrible, Unnecessary Twitter Jokes” – That hurts, that really hurts. Source: Huffington Post.
Again, as your intrepid embedded reporter, I was there on the front lines. What follows are my eyewitness firsthand accounts of the action as it unfolded.
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Super Ikearrhea
The other night I went out to howl at a “super” moon. Unfortunately I couldn’t figure out how to unbuckle my belt. Opportunity missed!
Meanwhile, while flying high in my ballon chair, I spied the IKEA moon base where my wife and I had recently shopped. I decided to take a photograph and immortalize the moment for my friend Blogdramedy.
Curse my luck! Mount St. Helens photobombed the shot. What were the odds of that? Nothing ever goes right for me!
The boss goes round and round
Circular logic - Which one is the boss?
Another quickie post because actual work is intruding on my day.
Here’s a little taste of circular logic courtesy of the boss.
Step 1 – Boss provides training on something and says, “Always do this in sequence: C, B, then A.” You feel this is a little bass ackwards but what the hell, the boss says so.
Step 2 – You follow the boss’ training for months.
Step 3 – A hairy situation develops from where you properly employed steps C, B, and A in sequence.
Step 4 – Flying fecal matter hits the spinning blades.
Step 5 – Questions are raised and fingers are pointed. “Just who in the hell did C, B, and A and what in the hell were they thinking?”
Step 6 – The CEO gets involved and agrees with you that it shouldn’t be CBA. It should be ABC. He directs you to write an email and notify all employees that things must be ABC.
Step 7 – Boss replies company-wide to the email (including the CEO of course) and says, “But of course. That’s the way I always do it. Nothing else makes sense.” Remember, this is the same boss that trained everyone to do CBA.
Step 8 – The employee who did CBA and caused the hubbub feels a little irritable. (Slight understatement here.)
M-O-O-N, that spells “bullshit,” laws yes. And I just love watching the M-O-O-N around here. Truly. I can’t believe I get paid to watch this shit.
Oops! The crack of the whip just licked my back. Time to go. Will write more laters. XOXOXO!
Shouts from the Abyss 
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