Puke Of Hurl
Puke, Puke, Puke of Hurl
Puke, Puke, Puke of Hurl
Puke, Puke, Puke of Hurl
Puke, Puke, Puke of Hurl
As I walk through this world
Nothing can stop the Puke of Hurl
And you, the trap you unfurled
And you can so hurt me, oh yes
TWO DAYS EARLIER
I love leftovers. There I was at the fast food restaurant picking up dinner when I had my aha moment. I’ll get extra deep fried things on purpose so I’ll have enough for leftovers in the future.
Eureka.
It would be something, a small thing, that I was actually looking forward to.
Meanwhile, deep in the Pacific Ocean, somewhere over the Great Pacific garbage patch, ominous dark swirling clouds began to form.
PRESENT DAY
It was almost lunch time. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was in a good mood. I was on the way to the kitchen to prep my lunch. The lunch I had been looking forward to for two whole days. There was a bounce in my step as I walked down the hall. I hummed a little song to myself. I paused in the living room and played a game of peek-a-boo with the cat.
In less than five minutes I would be dead.
Continue reading →
Dear Guru: Mood is a thing for cattle
And now a continuation of the non-award winning Q&A series we like to call Dear Guru. -Ed.
Q.
Dear Guru,
Like you, I run a “blog.” Like you, I try to post every single day. No matter what. But today I strangely find myself not in the mood.
What should I do?
Signed,
Blog Blocked
A.
Dear Blockhead,
Mood is a thing for cattle, you idiot! You blog when the necessity arises—no matter the mood! (Mad props to Gurney Halleck.)
When I find myself in that situation I usually pump out something super lame, like an advice column, and hope that no one notices. The important thing is to use some words.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go stroke my baliset.
Love,
Your Guru
Word Association Demonstration
With righteous indignation and without provocation, I will strive to cause vexation in response to your supplication.
Damnation?
Exclamation!
I shall swallow irritation to cause infuriation, exasperation, and with any luck, a pulsation of altercation.
Thanks for witnessing this commination demonstration.
Continue reading →
The light of hope shines on Negativity
For every positive there is a negative and that negative is me
I got up early this morning to do some work in the front yard putting up our festive “negativity scene” creche. While taking a little break, though, something happened…
Every once in a blue moon the internet can wash up on your shore a little piece of flotsam that really makes your day.
“An Australian psychology expert who has been studying emotions has found being grumpy makes us think more clearly.
In contrast to those annoying happy types, miserable people are better at decision-making and less gullible, his experiments showed.”
ZOMG! Yes oh yes oh yes oh yes!
To the guru of negativity I hope you have listened, hmmm.
So, long story short, I went to stumbleupon and narcissisticly searched for “shout abyss.” One of the coincidental results on the first page was an article from the BBC entitled “Feeling grumpy ‘is good for you” – even though the article had nothing to do with me. Now that is what I call the universe working overtime! It’s almost spooky. Connect those dots, universe!
Negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking, paying greater attention to the external world.
— Professor Joe Forgas
According to the article, “sadder people were also less likely to make rash decisions or those based on racial or religious beliefs and made fewer mistakes when recalling a past event.”
It’s always fulfilling to get confirmation of something you knew all along. In fact, that sort of thing is somewhat of a disturbing positive development. I’ll have to work hard to shake this off and get back to my roots.
A series of Negativity Embracement and Integration Seminars are planned. Watch for them online soon, that is if I can make this damn computer work.
First ever Abyss Contest
To celebrate this post, I’d like to try something new here in the abyss. Our first ever photo contest! Yeah!
Subject: Negativity Scene
Interpret the subject as you wish. Perhaps make a statement about the over-commercialization of the Christmas holiday. Whatever. Be creative, think outside the box. What do you think a “negativity scene” would look like?
Submit your photographs as comments to this post. (Or links to your favorite photo sharing site.)
Prize
One winner will be selected and will win the Grand Prize – A self-inking rubber stamp that reads, in two colors (blue and red): “Past Due.” And what could be more negative than that!
Have fun and good luck!
Fowl mood
Feeling peckish…
Shouts from the Abyss 
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