Tag Archives: mobile

Candy Crushing

candy-crushHey, have you heard the latest? There’s a game called Candy Crush Saga for your handheld device.

Behold! I give you the ultimate evil in the galaxy!

I installed the damn thing once. By doing so I think I earned a few “Dino bucks” in my dino wranglin’ game, but that’s another story.

I opened the game and played a level. I found the motif totally inane and annoying. The game itself was vapid and uninspired. I said to myself, “Hey, self! Isn’t this game just a rip-off variation of those 42 million other games where you match and line shit up so more shit will fall down?”

I promptly deleted it from my device. What a stupid piece of shit, I thought. Luckily I’ll never have to hear of it again.

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The difference between devices and computers

They say that the “computer” is passe.

They say that the thing we grew up with, a monitor, keyboard, mouse and CPU is old and busted.

They say it will give way to a next generation of handheld devices.

They can kiss my ass.
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The most mobile nation on Earth

Won't come back from Deadman's Curve

America! America!
A nation not on feet
With unrestrained access again
My mobility!

Technology rides in to save the day again.

Disclaimer: I’m not that big of a crass asshole. This post isn’t intended for the legitimately disabled who depend on these kinds of devices to improve their lives.

Have you noticed something? Have you looked around lately? Have you tried to walk through a grocery store without being run over?

Zoom zoom! There goes another “mobility device” or “mobility scooter.”

Where I live they are ubiquitous. There’s one on the side of the road tooling along in the bike lane. There’s one passing by in the crosswalk while I wait at a red light. There they are in the grocery store.

I’ve been watching them putt around for years. Lately I’ve had several close encounters.

The first to catch my eye was the elderly lady cruising along and puffing away on her cigarettes. The mobility device conveniently carried her oxygen tanks for her.

Then there was the one the other day where the driver was stuck in the sidewalk. Bump. The device would hit the curb. Bump. The device couldn’t power its way over the lip to get back up on the sidewalk. Bump. As far as I know he’s still there right now pushing those little batteries as hard as he can. Bump. “If I push her any harder, Captain, she’ll blow!”

Or, last night, the guy in the grocery store. At every turn as I tried to get around the store and grab my three items, there he was, ready to grind my feet under his wheels. Just another enormous fellow out driving around the inside of a store to do his shopping. We both approached the checkout lane at the same time. I paused, giving him the right-of-way. I consider myself a good driver but I have to admit, my driver training failed me in this situation and I found myself unprepared. I figured when in doubt, give up the right-of-way in the name of safety. Providence was with me, however, and the man put the petal to the metal and moved on. So I went ahead and got in line. As I put my three little items on the conveyor belt, I heard the man meet up with his bipedal wife behind me.

“I looked all over the store,” he said. “They have no donuts!”

Indeed. We all got our priorities, right? Today’s checklist must read, “1. Become even more enormous.” I couldn’t help but wondering if his mobility device could do donuts, perhaps out in the parking lot.

Now I’m keenly aware that you can’t look at someone and know their disability. I may have made some bad assumptions and if so, then I’m truly sorry. There sure seems to be a LOT of these mobility scooters. And I can’t help but wonder: When did destroying your physical vessel become a “disability?”

“I need me one of these scooters. Sure I sat on a sofa my entire life stuffing my face with BigMac burgers at 48 ounce Cokes. It’s not my fault I can’t walk on my own feet any more.”

In closing, I’ll simply provide some links to stories ripped from today’s headlines: