ESPN goes on strike
Look hard. Can you spot the bullshit? No, it's not the fact that 10 percent of the screen is advertising.
Tonight while channel flipping I happened to catch the last two outs of a game between Boston and Minnesota on ESPN. The first thing that caught my eye was a strike zone graphic. My first thought? “That shit is lame.”
I kept waiting for it to go away. It didn’t.
Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with the thing on an instant replay, especially on an interesting pitch, situation, or questionable call from the ump.
But to leave that thing on all the time? It’s grotesque.
ESPN calls it the “K-Zone.” If a pitch “should” have been called a strike, regardless of what the umpire called, the box will briefly turn yellow.
Personally I think ESPN is missing a bit opportunity here. Why not fill that space with a Nike logo or a few Viagra pills? More advertising, baby!
As a matter of fact, why not convert the whole grassy area of the ball park into a giant logo. PETCO Park? The athletes could literally be playing on PETCO field!
Speaking of the athletes, there is way too much unused space on their uniforms for more advertising. Perhaps FOX News could adapt their “crawl” to display there. You could be entertained by baseball, learn about important products and be educated in the myriad of ways that Obama sucks – all at the same time!
Talk about multitasking!
Of course, every three seconds or so a blimp should fly across the screen to remind you that it is time to “grab some Buds.”
A few more ideas:
- Display the position over player’s heads at all time. P for pitcher, C for catcher, 1B for the first baseman, etc. Remember: Fans are idiots.
- On fly balls have a little robot run across the screen and display the odds the fielder will drop the ball.
- Display Lady Gaga videos on the mound during the game, because, oh hell! Where else would she be?
Come on, MLB! Think outside the bun! That reminds me. All the bases should be tacos and home plate should be a chalupa.
A little bit Jetery on both sides of the ball
Derek Jeter. Source: Wikipedia.
Today we look at two people who recently made news in the wacky wide world of sports. Baseball, specifically.
First up, right off the bat (heh), is Christian Lopez, age 23. Profession: Customer service rep at Verizon. This is the guy who caught Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit, which turned out to be a home run to right-center.
In the world of baseball grown men are sometimes silly about their balls. Jeter wanted to possess the special 3,000th hit baseball. The weird part? That kid Lopez gave the ball back.
Said the kid: “I know I did the right thing. It never crossed my mind to not give it back. I’m only 23. I have plenty of time to make money.”
In a post-game conference the kid said that the ball and the moment belonged to Jeter.
It is estimated that the ball has a cash value of $100,000 to $250,000.
I don’t believe in karma, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when good deeds pay off. The Steinbrenner family was so touched by the gesture that they rewarded Lopez with four luxury box seats for all 32 remaining regular season games this year, plus playoffs and the World Series, if the Yankees make it that far. The seats have an estimated value of $40,000.
In this world where greed and money rule above all else, Lopez did a nice thing for another human being. And that’s why it is such big news. It was such a peculiarly odd thing to do.
—
Stepping in from the on deck circle is Derek Jeter himself. Now 37 years old, he’s the only player in Yankee history to have 3,000 hits. And only the 28th in MLB history. The big 3k came in dramatic fashion on a home run shot to right-center field.
I don’t often speak well about grown men employed in the profession of hitting a little ball with a stick, but Jeter may very well be a special case. I think it is safe to say that a lot of women consider him to be “hunky.” He has dated women like singer Mariah Carey, a former Miss Universe, actress Jessica Biel and several other beautiful and famous women. Never married, Jeter’s current girlfriend is actress Minka Kelly, and rumors and speculation about a possible engagement abound.
Unlike other scumbag professional athletes like cheater Tiger Woods, cheater/penis photographer Brett Favre and (potentially) doper Lance Armstrong, Jeter has never been rocked by scandal and appears to be one of the few on the up and up.
The very next day after getting 3k with a home run, Jeter followed up with a dramatic 5-for-5 performance, including the game-winning hit. He may not be as spry as he once was, but he’s still one of the biggest names in baseball and consistently one of the most entertaining to watch.
I offer a modest tip of the Abyss hat to both of these men who did something exceptional on the same day. Uh, wait. I just wrote a nice post about two people. What’s wrong with me?
Shouts from the Abyss 
Recent Comments