Tag Archives: milk
Come On Be Happy
Remember when I told you about the inventive advertising process of mascotization? That’s where you take your product and turn it into a “character” to appear in your ad campaigns. This is done by adding cartoonish facial features, the magic of animation and cutsey voice overs. I originally introduced this idea in a post entitled “Human spam at home and on the road” back in May of 2010.
If your product is a wrench, you draw a face on it and animate. Voila! Instant mascot. And so creative, too. This is important because it’s an opportunity to show your customers your inventive genius from which, they can infer, you’re a great business person with a great product.
In the four years since, this process has continued. And how.
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Recently, after some Lebonese dinner across town, my wife said, “There’s an ice cream place only two blocks away. Let’s go!”
I was already full. Case in point: She was toting a box of leftovers but I was not. Mine had been crammed down my gullet. This scenario would soon allow me to put my advanced decision-making skills on display.
We walked into the shop and it was what I like to describe as “Portland cute.” The place was constructed to look post-industrial. This means concrete walls, vaulted ceilings with lots of duct work, lighting fixtures that hang all the way down from the ceiling and, of course, the pièce de résistance of the Portland eatery scene: the fake garage door. Those things are ubiquitous around here, perhaps even on par with the fedora and other trendy chapeaux.
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Crowbar Ranch: Ag-Gag Update
Some of the most successful posts on this humble blog pertained to Crowbar Ranch. That’s the term I came up with in 2010 for Conklin Dairy Farms where an employee was videotaped abusing animals.
It’s time for a very, very disturbing and frightening update. For those of us who were left wondering how industry might respond, now we have our answer.
Industry groups and forces with deep pockets and with purchased politicians in tow have joined forces to push for laws that will criminalize the act of secretly videotaping animal abuse.
Yes, you read that right. Industry could have responded by saying, “We are outraged. These cases are outlier events. We are eager police ourselves and prove that industry can be responsible. This sort of activity will never be tolerated.”
They could have done that. They didn’t. Instead they unleashed their lobbyists and let the money flow to politicians who now support draconian industry-sponsored legislation.
Stop animal abuse or attempt to stop those who attempt to uncover it? That’s a tough choice for some. The farm industry is basically saying, “We want the right and the protection for animal abuse to continue. And we will do whatever it takes to protect this status quo. Even labeling those who seek to expose the truth as criminals and terrorists.”
Is it too much to ask that an industry that profits from animals should be expected to treat the animals responsibly? Industry steps up and emphatically responds, “Yes!!! That is too much to ask.”
It’s not just about the animals, either. Some experts have speculated about the deleterious effects to the food supply and the risk it poses to the health of human beings. As usual we are more than willing to cut off our noses to spite our faces if, while in the process, we can make a few bucks.
My two presidential campaign promises: Places where food is made have to have glass walls, and 7.5 ounce packages can't say "five servings."
— Tom B. Taker (@shoutabyss) April 21, 2012
Transparency is the best weapon against this sort of thing. Most forms of evil thrive best in the seclusion of privacy.
So called “Ag-Gag” laws criminalize attempts to discover animal abuse by means of secret videotape, failure to disclose ties to animal rights groups during the hiring process, and require all video to be turned over to police within 24-48 hours, etc. (The latter eliminates the power of viral videos.) A bill in Arkansas seeks to prevent “harm” to a “livestock or poultry operation.” Animal abuse is acceptable but don’t try to harm a sacred cow like an “operation.” (Rhymes with “corporation.”)
Last year, Missouri, Utah and Iowa passed ag-gag laws. There are now five states with ag-gag laws on the books.
In a bit of good news, three states (New Mexico, New Hampshire and Wyoming) killed proposed ag-gag legislation this year.
Even so, more states are currently considering getting on board in the ag-gag game: Arkansas, California (the land of “happy” cows), Indiana, Nebraska, Pennsylvania, Tennessee and Vermont (the home of Ben & Jerry’s).
Without the power of video people will still have the right to report what they see. And we all know how that story turns out. They’ll be fired, harassed, maligned and marginalized and caught in a He Said, She Said situation where nothing of any value will ever happen. Industry thinks of that outcome as the freedom to operate with total impunity.
Behold the power of the agricultural lobbies. They can take fast, swift and decisive action when they are in the mood. Unfortunately they have opted to use this power for ill. It’s enough to make me sick to my stomach.
[Photography] Mother and Baby Seal – Dinner Time
A photo I took while on vacation recently. This capture was obtained in the wild. It was not taken in an aquarium or otherwise staged.
Seals are mammals and therefore produce milk. Here we see a mother nursing her pup.
Honey Clusters of Goat
Goat clusters are a personal favorite of mine, although that's usually followed by one more word. Starts with "F" if I recall. @lgalaviz
— Tom B. Taker (@shoutabyss) September 28, 2011
Little Miss Mullet
Stuffing her gullet,
Cheating her diet away.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And Miss Mullet had this to say:
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Seeking investors: Ground floor opportunity (via Shouts from the Abyss)
I’m short on time, energy, ideas and skill today. That means it’s time for a reblog and a video, boys and girls!
First up, the video. I’d like to send this out as a long distance dedication. Also, the topic is somewhat fitting since I’m reblogging my own post. That has gots to be naughty.
I highly recommend this video for those of you who have good taste. It’s also a timeless classic from a masterful writer and director. I give it two hard drives up. Way the fuck up!
Next, I’ve got a new business idea percolating in my brain. I hope to share the idea with you all soon. Until then, I’m still looking for investors for the last idea. Amazingly there is still a chance to get in on that action before it’s too late. Read on before you make the biggest mistake of your life.
Don’t forget to check out my mad Photoshop skills on the logo, which I did myself! 🙂
As a self-styled “inventor” I like coming up with fresh new ideas. I’ve been thinking a lot about so-called “social media” lately and wondering, “Is there a way I can milk that cash cow, too?” What I need is a way to put my own twist of negativity on sites like Facebook and MySpace. That’s about … Read More
Seeking investors: Ground floor opportunity
As a self-styled “inventor” I like coming up with fresh new ideas.
I’ve been thinking a lot about so-called “social media” lately and wondering, “Is there a way I can milk that cash cow, too?”
What I need is a way to put my own twist of negativity on sites like Facebook and MySpace.
That’s about when I had the idea for my next big thing. I’m calling it “anti-social media.” (Alas, a Google search reveals I’m not the first to dream up this particular phrase. It’s damn hard to be completely original these days.)
My very own spin, however, is to take that phrase and loosely apply it to the social networking phenomenon. My concept is a web site called NothingShare.com. I’ve already made the logo for the site, too.
The premise for the service is simple. Just like social sites, people will sign up and create their online personas. The rub is that they’ll never be seen. Ever.
I like the elegant simplicity of that. There will be no friends. All invitation requests will automatically be handled (and rejected) by the service. An “accept” button will not exist.
Backgrounds? Only one will be offered, in black, of course.
There will be at least one online game. Perhaps something like iQuicksand. “You’ve just sunk three more inches. Your request for rope has been answered by 0 friends.” Yeah, that sounds like good clean fun to me!
The primary function of the service will be something I’m calling “profile masturbation.” Visit the site, log in, and tweak your profile to your heart’s content. Upload your “avatar” image. Quippishly enter your favorite quotes. List all of your favorite TV shows, types of music, iTunes playlists, and books you’ve read recently. Come up with pithy and clever snippets that prove how fucking witty you are. If you’re having fun, that’s great! You’re the only one on the planet who will ever have the chance to enjoy it.
What is needed now is investment capital. If you love the concept as much as me, it’s time to open your hearts (along with your wallets) and get me da money. It’s scrilla time. Operators are standing by. (Unfortunately, just like friend invites, their phones can’t accept incoming calls.)
Start-Up Costs Estimate Sheet – Total Needed: $2,507,595
Domain name: $10
Web Hosting: $60
Licensing fees for Taco Bell’s “Black Taco” to be company mascot: $7,500
CEO Bonus: $2.5 million
In exchange for your generous donations I’m offering private stock certificates in equal amounts. I’m calling these “Nothing Shares.” And they are literally priceless, if you know what I mean.
I can’t wait to show you my NothingShare.com profile (or not). This is gonna be epic!