Tag Archives: mcrib

McRib: Let us pray

I'd love to say I photoshopped this. Sadly, I did not.

Philosophical question of the day: Shouldn’t all food be McRibbed for her pleasure?

Quick, someone get me a McBib, because I’m about to mow down on some McRib. Six weeks only and then McRib goes away! This is not a drill. Alert level: Elevated. To the McRibmobile!

Um, wait a second. What is a McRib, anyway?

Let us start by viewing McRib the way McDonald’s wants us to. Here’s the official page promoting the McRib. (No shortage of hype on this site, eh?) McDonald’s also created a web site (now defunct) for “The Boneless Pig Farmers of America.” BPFAA. No shit. Who comes up with this stuff? Here’s a static screen shot of the defunct web site.

Next let us go about undressing a McRib. Such a delicious idea. For the photo spread of a completely naked McRib click here: Fast Food Facts.

OK, who’s still with me? 🙂

Here’s the ingredients in a McRib:

McRib Pork Patty:

Pork, water, salt, dextrose, BHA and BHT and propyl gallate and citric acid (preservatives).

McRib Bun:

Enriched flour (bleached wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), water, yeast, high fructose corn syrup, contains 2% or less of the following: yellow corn meal, salt, partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oils, canola oil, soybean oil, dextrose, sugar, calcium sulfate, cultured wheat flour, wheat gluten, ammonium sulfate, monocalcium phosphate, ammonium chloride, cellulose gum, diastatic malt, calcium carbonate, soy flour, deactivated dry yeast, dough conditioners (may contain one or more of the following: ascorbic acid, enzymes, sodium stearoyl lactylate, azodicarbonamide, calcium peroxide, guar gum, distilled monoglycerides, DATEM, mono- and diglycerides, ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, calcium stearoyl lactylate), calcium propionate and sodium propionate (preservatives), soy lecithin.


McRib Sauce:

Water, high fructose corn syrup, tomato paste, distilled vinegar, molasses, natural smoke flavor (plant source), food starch-modified, salt, spices, sugar, soybean oil, xanthan gum, onion and garlic powder, sodium benzoate (preservative), caramel color, beet powder, corn oil.

Pickle Slices:

Cucumbers, water, distilled vinegar, salt, calcium chloride, alum, potassium sorbate (preservative), natural flavors (plant source), polysorbate 80, extractives of turmeric (color).

Slivered Onions.

OK,  who’s still with me? 🙂

The patty itself contains “pork.” Why do I feel there is so much more behind that one little word? And what the hell is the rest of that stuff?

Holy shit, check out those buns! (Something I’m often heard to say.) That’s a lot of ingredients. Sounds delicious.

Even the frickin’ pickles have a surprising list of extra stuff. I guess normal pickles don’t have a long enough shelf life for the McDonald’s supply chain. How long are these pickles supposed to last? Through the next two nuclear wars? Wow.

Nutrition information for a McRib (partial list): 500 calories, 240 calories from fat, 26 grams total fat, 10 grams saturated fat, 70 mg cholesterol, 980 mg sodium, 44 grams carbohydrates. Source: McDonald’s.

According to Snopes.com, chicken nuggets have been made with “all white meat” rather than MSP (mechanically separated poultry) since 2003. For more about MSM (Mechanically Separated Poultry) visit Wikipedia.

What’s really in that “pork” in a McRib? And how is it made? I’m not sure. I couldn’t find anything conclusive on the web. No matter what’s in there, though, trust me. It wouldn’t surprise me much.

For a fun little diversion that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with McRib, check out this video from Jamie Oliver, who is starting to grow on me just a little bit.

I guess the basic question is: Why do Americans care so little about what they stick in their face? Should we ponder what McDonald’s is serving or just chow it down without thought? Putting my trust in McDonald’s is not something I’m really prepared to do.

About trust, remember that the McDonald’s “Monopoly” promotion, which has been around since 1987, was gamed for five years by individuals within the company McDonald’s hired to administer the contest. Says Wikipedia:

In 2000, the US promotion was halted after fraud was uncovered. A subcontracting company called Simon Marketing (a then-subsidiary of Cyrk), which has been hired by McDonald’s to organize and promote the game, failed to recognize a flaw in its procedures, and the chief of security, Jerome P. Jacobson, was able to remove the “most expensive” game pieces, which he then passed to associates who would redeem them and share the proceeds. The associates “won” almost all of the top prizes between 1995 and 2000, including McDonald’s giveaways that did not have the Monopoly theme. The associates “netted” over $24 million. The scheme was uncovered when one of the participants informed on its ringleaders to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

And didn’t McDonald’s just run this promotion again this year? Do not pass go, do not collect $200. (I’m assuming this year’s game was legit and administered by a different company.) Things that make me go, “Hmmm. Fuck you.”

It’s dinner time. Time to pray. (For more reasons than one.)

Dear Lord, thanks for this food we are about to eat. Pass the potatoes and pass the meat. Amen!

Back in Black Taco Friday

Black taco

Black hole taco? Click images for the original posts. Man my Photoshop skillz were mad back then!

Mmm. Remember the black jack taco from Taco Bell? Featuring “jack sauce?” Trust me, that sauce is hard to make! Oh, those were the good old days. Black taco, where art thou and why hast thou forsaken us?

Black taco. Say it with me. It just rolls off the tongue.

Black taco. Black taco. Black taco.

By the way, this post has absolutely nothing to do with black tacos. But I feel like I may need some black tacos soon. I’m craving black nourishment. I’m even feeling black.

The time draws near when black taco must ride again.

What could possibly have caused this blackout?

It might be the goddamn commercials on TV trying to coax shoppers under the premise that so-called “Black Friday” savings can now be purloined all fucking month long!!!

Whooo-eeee! Stop  your grinnin’ and drop your linen!

You mean even a loser like me can be stupid enough to give you my money? And think I’m actually getting a good deal? Because you’ve created a shopping holiday and are now trying to exploit it into a whole damn month of consumeristic frenzy?

Dear Sears. Dear Walmart. As the premium purveyors of Black Friday porn as early as October, you have earned my wrath. You’ve done a great job. I have seen your slime trails. I will not set foot in your stores no matter what.

Black FridayNew Blog Feature: As I See It

There are two main problems I see with the approach of trying to stretch a single fake day into more than a single fake month.

First, “Black Friday” has a time honored tradition of violence, elbow throwing, hair pulling, nail scratching, selfishness and the ever-popular trampling people to death. By stretching the holiday out so long you deprive your shoppers of the experience, and that simply isn’t “Black Friday” at all.

Secondly, it’s simply an utterly lame reason for a sale. What about all the time-honored reasons for sales?

  • President’s Day
  • Fourth of July
  • Clinton-Lewinsky Blowjob Anniversary Day
  • Inventory Blowout
  • Going Out of Business (and re-opening with a new name)
  • Rabid frogs ate our warehouse and we’re passing the savings on to you
  • Back to School

In fact, if memory serves, there about 4,000 different types of sales and only 365 days in a year. Isn’t that enough?

I bet stores like Sears and Walmart think they are so clever. “Black Friday is out biggest shopping day of the year,” they lament. “If only there was some way to cash in on that.” It turns out there is a way. It’s called fucking Black Friday.


If you do decide to go to one of these lame ass sales, here’s some ideas to try to capture that “Black Friday” spirit of fun and adventure:

  1. Bring ten of your friends and wait for the store to open, pounding on the front door and repeatedly chanting, “Open, open, open!”
  2. When the doors open, race your friends through the store for a specific item. Only the first one to grab the item will be allowed to buy that item.
  3. After that has been decided, allow one of your group of shoppers to challenge the winner to a fist fight for retention of the item.
  4. Try to find and push over an innocent person, preferably elderly and/or in a mobility device and/or pregnant, then once they are on the ground and helpless try to jump over them. (Stampede Simulation.)
  5. Knock over at least one merchandise display.
  6. Grab a brand new Playstation 3 and go to the electronics counter and yell as loudly as you can, “I’m only paying $48.88 for this!”
  7. If security tries to intervene at any point, kick them in the nards.
  8. Have a laptop throwing contest. Longest toss wins a six-piece order of Chicken McNuggets or, for a limited time only, the holy grail of fast food, the McRib. Remember that official Olympic rules for this sport state: “The laptop is thrown from a circle with a diameter of 2.5 meters.” No cheating!
  9. Pat each other down and beat the shit out of anyone who isn’t packing at least one fully-loaded firearm.
  10. Bring along your own “security” person and try to pepper spray and tazer everyone in your group!
  11. Bonus idea: Hide poop around the store to sabotage other shoppers!

Have fun!