Never like a #boss
Source: The Frustrated CFO
I do my research. Before writing this post, I consulted a tome of goodness known as the Demotivational Dictionary (Imaginary Edition):
boss
noun1: the weakest link in any business activity
Wise words. I should know. I wrote that book.
I remember the time someone called and placed an order for $14,000 worth of our shitty product, wanted it shipped immediately, and promised to send payment on the second Tuesday of next week.
The boss literally became a Viagra commercial as he frantically shoved our financial futures out the door. He wanted that sale. And thus began the saga that would eventually be known as The Year of Getting Our Money Back.
For my next trick, I will use the power of analogy to illustrate typical boss functionality.
A Link To Centuries
All I want for Christmas is a “no soliciting” sign. I had one before but a solicitor stole it from my door. I know because I was inside ignoring them when it happened. And, true story, they were selling for the company where I worked. Unbelievable.
In the meantime…
It was a Saturday afternoon. My wife and I were hanging out in the living room with the cats. I wasn’t wearing pants. Suddenly, there came a sound from the door. The cats ran away. The moment was lost.
You know that knock? The one that says, “Hey, it’s me.” It goes like this:
Knock knock!
Knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Knock knock!
I heard that sound and cocked an ear. “Who the hell can that be?” I gasped.
No worries. It was a just a salesperson.
Forever Albums
The Undercity. Once upon a time I lived here.
This morning I said to myself, “No damn politics on the blog! Enough!” I then sat back, cleared my mind and let my consciousness wonder. The tweet above was the result. My brain came up with the idea of marshmallows and chocolate bars having a rumble in the street. Random, I know! From this the lame and grisly thought above got expressed. Too bad Twitter doesn’t have a retroactive time warp function.
Then I checked my “recent drafts” on WordPress to see if there was anything worthy of being finished. Weird, but none of the 267 candidates there showed promise.
So, here’s a totally random post about music.
Back when I worked in the Big City, a group of guys would get off work and head over to Bennigan’s for $1 draft beers and munchies. Yes, this is also the site of the famous Night to Dismember. But that’s another story.
One day I went to the jukebox. It played CDs. Not records. And it had the option to play an entire CD from start to finish. So, when no one was looking, I selected Clint Black. An album called Put Yourself in My Shoes. And I played the whole damn thing. It cost money but it was worth it. Back at the bar everyone was bitching. Who the hell was the asshole? I lamented along with the rest of them, playing along, but inside I was laughing my ass off. For some reason a bar full of young posers becomes really upset about country music.
I like music. I like it a lot. And I have varied and eclectic tastes. My collection ranges from death goth metal to bluegrass. Gilbert and Sullivan show tunes to gospel. Rap, soft hits, Air Supply, Alan Parsons, The Beatles, Elvis, folk, etc. Some genres (like rap and gospel) I am very, very picky but some still find there way into my collection.
Like Ricky Skaggs. I’m a superfan. It seemed like there would also be at least one hardcore religious song per album. I didn’t care. I’d sing along with those songs just as much as the rest of them. “Sinners don’t wait before it’s too late / He’s a wonderful Saviour you know / Well I fell on my knees when I answered my pleas / Hallelujah, I’m ready to go.” Singing songs like that can also be useful for freaking out your friends.
Sometimes you come across albums where you lik every single song. Even the ones that never went on to become hits or even get played on the radio. I often wonder how these things got decided when there were better songs on the album than the ones that got released as singles. Back when I was a kid, we bought albums, not individual songs. If you only go for the promoted singles you’ll be missing out on a lot. Anyway, if every song rocks, then I call it a “Super Album.”
So what is a “Forever Album?” I personally have known two.
Continue reading →
Spam hacked from the Abyss
Just an FYI in case you didn’t already know…
I don’t email people in my address book with bullshit links to bullshit “Make More Than $12,000 a Month” websites.
E-V-A-R. Ever!!!
Like always, the evil is out there, pounding against our shields 24/7, probing for weakness, looking for cracks, hoping to real in another sucker stupid enough to fall for their lies.
This morning my Hotmail account was apparently compromised. When I started receiving quizzical emails from my friends, I knew something was up.
I suspected it was a spoof – just emails when that had been faked to look like they came from me. Still, it made me curious so I checked my “Sent” folder.
Holy shit. This morning between 6:23-6:24am my Hotmail account was used to send 15 fake emails that contained links. In the name of science I tried the links. They led to a website on a bullshit domain name. The page was copied from NBC news to look like a real news story, and proclaimed the awesomeness of making more than $15,000 a month.
Nicole Williams of , never thought that she would consider it, until curiosity got the best of her and she filled out a simple online form. Before she knew it, she discovered her secret to beating the recession, and being able to provide for her family while at home with her three children.
Apparently the page is supposed to be customized with the city of the victim, but in this case, the hackers were incompetent.
Anyway, this is just an FYI to my online friends to reassure you that I don’t send shit like that. I used a secure password but apparently it got hacked. I’ve already changed it.
I love it when the universe notices me.
ABC News can eat my ass
The internet is not just a series of tubes. My God! It’s full of links!
Today, while my mind was contentedly numb and was clicking things on the internet like a monkey pushing a button for a reward (mmm, banana!) I happened to click a link that led to ABC News.
What can one say about the ABC News internet experience?
First, before you even get to the page, you are subjected to a full page advertisement and the option to “skip this ad.”
Here’s the link that aroused my ire and prompted this post: ABC News
The next thing you notice is that your browser says, “Hey. Psst! I have prevented a popup window.”
At the top of the page is a giant banner ad. It’s moving, of course. It’s flashing and trying to get your attention.
Near the top right of the screen is a rectangular ad area that flashes every five seconds or so, encouraging you to click “Play” to watch more about some ABC television show.
And then, without your prior consent, on the left side of the page and embedded in the article, is a video window. It automatically starts to play, sucking up your internet connection and most annoying of all, it begins to pump out sound from your speakers!
That’s just damn rude.
What’s the etiquette of stealing bandwidth from people who decidedly did NOT click “Play” on your video? And then surprising them with sound?
Is your baby laying in your arms asleep? Too fucking bad, says ABC News. We’ll wake that son of a bitch up. We have gots to get paid, yo.
Angry, I immediately located and clicked the MUTE button on the fucking thing. I was almost shocked when it actually worked. Alas, I was not that shocked when the click also brought up a popup window with yet another advertisement. Shit, I thought my browser was blocking those? Apparently not this one.
In the time I’ve been composing this post, that embedded video has been happily playing. Each time I go back and glance at that tab, the video is still playing, thankfully still without sound.
In a smaller box, still within the article, is embedded more advertising. This time a small box labeled “sponsored links.” Scroll down a bit to the bottom of the article and you’ll find two more boxes of sponsored links.
All told I found no less than five items on the web page labeled as “advertisement” or “sponsored links.” This does not include the ad I was forced to skip to land on the page. Nor does it include the two popup windows (one blocked, one that got through.) And, lastly, it does not include the commercial video that started playing with sound when I first loaded the page.
Hey, ABC News. I got a question, and then I have a follow-up. Greed much? And why are you such a bunch of motherfuckers?
I can’t help but wonder what percentage of internet traffic is bandwidth consumed by video and sound that no one ever requested? I bet it’s a lot. It probably ranks right up there with spam and porn thanks to the greed of organizations like ABC News.
This doesn’t come as much of a surprise. Television networks are the same people who decided to stick their logo on the corner of the screen when watching their programs. God forbid we forget what channel we’re watching. Except during commercials, of course. And then they decided to build in commercials during the programming in the form of moving images advertising the next show you should be watching. And then, naturally completing the progression, they added sound to those moving promos in the bottom left corner of the screen.
Fuck the viewer. The viewing experience be damned!
Never again will you be able to watch a show without being bombarded at the same time with commercials for the next show.
How much is enough? When will they say when? How many times do they need to get paid?
I’ve got an idea. How about making a web page that is informative with actual content and making the advertising proportional to the rest of the page? And how about keeping video and sound from coming on unless we ask for it?
Is that too much to ask? You betcha!
Is the audience the customer? No. The advertiser is the customer. And they’ll never ever let you forget that.
Moderation is not a word in the Advertiser’s Dictionary. Just how many boats can you water ski behind?
Hey, ABC News. Can I please read a news story without you spamming the fuck out of all five senses? That would be great.
Today’s small WordPress suggestion
We bloggers should help each other as much as we can. I’m sure we already do, but why not make it more fun and self-serving?
When I see a typo on someone’s blog I usually try to drop them a friendly note and let them know. I always hope they appreciate the opportunity to improve their blog. I know I do!
Today, Teri’s Blip in the Universe returned the favor and helped me with a typo on my site. I was very grateful!
As I went to edit the typo, I had an idea. Wikipedia lets you document the reason for edits. It would be great if WordPress offered a light version of that with a space to link to the blog that helped with proofreading. I think that would be super keen and neat-o.
I admit this isn’t a very earth-shattering idea but it would be a nice and fun way to recognize one of the ways we help each other out.
Thaks four teh hep, Teri!
Blog the insanity!
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
–Albert Einstein
It normally happens a few times a day. It’s a fairly common occurrence but even so we don’t normally notice it that much. For those of us who work and/or play on a computer we may even have developed a blind spot for it that we don’t even know we have.
You click something on your computer and nothing happens. In spite of Einstein’s brilliant definition above, you wait a second or two (an eternity in computer terms) and then click that something again. And again.
Here’s the frustrating thing: Maybe on the second or third click it suddenly and miraculously works in complete and utter disregard for Einstein’s wisdom.
Einstein was wrong! But then again, I don’t think he ever met a computer. On a computer doing the same thing over and over again can (and often does) produce different results.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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