Likeotomy
Doctors performing likeotomy on a volunteer subject.
A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary:
likeotomy |līˈkätəmē|
noun (pl. likeotomies) [ usu. in sing. ]
usage of the “favorite” button on tweets about my lobotomy: too bad you are now unable to grok the likeotomy I gave you.
A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary.
I’m pretty much a collector of likes. Feel free to share one of your own. I always appreciate them. I think.
[I] want to say thank you to you. I haven’t had an orthodox career and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it. And I can’t deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me! Thank you.
–Sally Fields, March 25, 1985
Sally Field about to bludgeon a cretin who failed to favorite her tweet.
Thank you, Ms. Fields. That’s exactly how I feel each and every time one of my tweets gets a star on the Twitter Walk of Shame. I’ve personally counted more visits by Halley’s Comet, though.
It works like this: You see a tweet you like (or some other masturbatory form of social media expression) and you like it. So you click the little icon that means favorite, like, upvote, star and/or what not. What’s so hard to understand about that?!
It turns out that “like” is sometimes the wrong tone.
“My father molested me every single day until I was eight years old.”
Do you think, somehow, that “like” seems misplaced here?
Facebook With Mom
A lot of people ask me, “Hey, asshole. Where do you get your blogging topics?” Good question. Using today as an example, I had an early morning Facebook chat with mom. Later, I decided to write about it. See? That’s how it’s done. -Ed.
I don’t use the Facebook a lot. It’s mainly for poking. And, way less often, liking. I’ve been patiently waiting for the HATE button. I’d settle for DISLIKE. Maybe then I’d use it more.
For me, the primary purpose of Facebook is that it’s a place to post selfies I’ve taken during urban riots when I’m standing atop overturned police cars that are on fire. With my shirt off.
Other than that I have little use for the thing.
Then there’s mom. You respond to a message from mom at your own peril.
Continue reading →
Facebook is the new creepy
Click image to see the rest of this funny from The Joy of Tech.
Facebook. The nightmare that won’t go away. Even the name gives me the heebie-jeebies. Let’s break it down.
“Face.” Bingo! Right out of the gate they reach in for the jugular and pull the ripcord hard. So we know straight up this isn’t exactly going to be the most subtle experience around. The face is the one part of myself I hate the most. Don’t look at me! I am an animal!
“Book.” They want you to think tomes here. As in a dusty librarian gettin’ all up in the grill of knowledge. That’s what they want you to think. That it’s a noun. In actuality, however, it’s a verb. An ominous motherfucking verb. As in: “Make an official record of the name and other personal details of (a criminal suspect or offender).”
Check it: People who use Facebook are voluntarily lining up like pigs to the slaughter to check themselves into jail. Fact: The original name proposed for Facebook was Lemmings-R-Us.
No wonder Facebook is in the news so often.
Now you must poke the jump if you ever hope to find your way to the like button for this post.
Continue reading →
Something new on the WordPress bar
So there I was this morning, surfing the Living Dilbert blog and minding my own business. I swear.
Suddenly a star and the word “Like” leaped out at me from the WordPress bar at the top of my browser page. (This feature seems to be context sensitive and only shows up when viewing a specific post.)
Like a monkey wanting his banana I pounded that button as fast as I could. Mmmm, banana!
Well, long story short, I didn’t get a banana. But the button did change to say, “You like this” and drops down to a menu that includes the choices “Reblog this post” and “View all posts I like.”
Looks like we have a new WordPress feature to start the month of June. Woot!
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