This post contains my patented Tort Reform Quiz For Dummies. At last you can find out if you support tort reform or not! You’ll find the short quiz after the introductory crap. Wade on!
The punch landed bone-jarringly hard and the boxer in the red trunks suddenly ate canvas, a little puddle of drool forming quickly under his bloodied face. The referee counted it down then, with so sign of movement, called the fight. It was a knockout!
The blue corner jumped up and down ecstatically. “Way to go, champ! Way to go!”
The red corner carried their fighter back to their corner, balanced his lifeless body on his stool, and also began jumping up and down. “Wow, what a fight! You took ’em to the cleaners, champ! You really flayed ’em!”
Erm, what? Meanwhile the monkeys are flying in from the East chanting, “Oh wee oh! Oh wee oh!”
Such is the way of politics these days. Is my example a little extreme? Perhaps, but sadly not by much.
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Skip to the Sue
As married people, my wife and I haven’t had all the conversations yet. But we’re getting close.
“Hey. I got a question.”
“Do you pick your nose?”
The pause wasn’t quite as long as you’d think. “Yeah. I do.”
Beat. Then, of course, the inevitable.
“Fuck off! I ain’t answering that.”
Never underestimate the power of a fully-formed glare. “Yeah, okay. I do, too.”
The rest of that conversation, pertaining to the eating of said nose pickings, will not be published in this space. That’s premium content. We accept all major credit cards. But not PayPal!!!
Then, this other time, I turned to my wife and asked, “How many times, in your entire life, have you ever sued anyone?”
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That’s liable to be a problem
Hot damn I just love being prophetic. Check out what I wrote about the boss circa July 12, 2010. (One week ago today.)
He doesn’t pay you to run errands in your own vehicle after work, either. Like when he demands that packages be dropped at the post office. He doesn’t offer to cover mileage, either. Incidentally, this is a dumb ass thing to do on his part. If an employee got in an accident and didn’t have insurance, it’s his business that would be on the hook. But those are the kinds of pennies he loves to pinch. (Source.)
That was only a week ago and it has already happened! This scenario went down exactly as I predicted. Why I’m not paid to be a prognosticator I’ll never know!
Our newest employee is just a youngster but has already been entrusted with all sorts of responsibilities and pressure even though he’s only been here a few months. That’s just the way this place works. The company’s needs dominate everything.
Late last week this employee was dispatched to pick up an order of ours from a local merchant. The employee hopped in his car and took off, not bothering to mention that he doesn’t have liability insurance. Oops. Of course, the boss wants what the boss wants. And what he wants is all employees doing his bidding no matter how dumb ass his decisions.
So the employee makes the pickup and then, one block down the street, picks up a bag of delicious fast food, then heads back to our world headquarters.
Suddenly tires screeched. The car in front had slammed on the brakes. Our hero slammed on his brakes, too, but it was too late. He skidded right into that car and hit hard.
Thankfully everyone was ok.
The other driver hopped out and checked to make sure our hero was ok. After getting an affirmative response, then came the $64,000 question. “Do you have insurance?”
Our hero had to say no.
Did I mention our hero was young? So young that he’s never been in an accident before and didn’t even know what to do. Yikes. Information was exchanged but our hero got nothing but a phone number. No name. Oops.
And, here’s a potentially important point. When the other driver said she was on her lunch break, our hero decided to add, “Me? I’m just running an errand for work.” SAY WHAT? This just might turn out to be an important plot point somewhere down the road, eh?
Cars were inspected. The other driver just had a minor mark on the bumper. The front of our hero’s car was crunched pretty bad. The other driver said she felt fine. Then she said, “You know what. I’m okay, the damage is light. You’d better get out of here before the cops show up or your car will get towed because you don’t have insurance.” An agreement was made that our hero would cover any damages so his record could be kept clean.
After an amazing amount of time, about 30 minutes or so, everything changed. The other driver called back and said, “You know what? My vehicle damage is worse than I originally thought. Also my back is starting to hurt.”
Our poor hero. The kibosh is about to come down and come down hard. You just got served.
The other driver continued, “I’m going to have to go ahead and notify my insurance company.”
Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen. That’s it, man. Game over, man. Game over, what the fuck are we supposed to now, huh, what are we gonna do?
Those of us with a bit more life experience than our hero know what happens now. Once the insurance company is involved a police report becomes mandatory. That will put our hero on the hook for driving without insurance. (Which was, of course, a hideously dumb ass thing to do.) Which means that our hero is about to lose his driver’s license for a year and no doubt pay some fines.
Where it gets really interesting, however, is the part where our hero let slip that he was driving on company time. That makes the corporation potentially liable for any damages not covered by our hero’s insurance, which, of course, in this particular case is none. Our hero is poor and has no assets. Guess what that means? The corporation might be on the hook here.
Now this doesn’t sound like the most expensive accident of all time, but this could theoretically impact Mr. Penny Pincher’s pocketbook, and if so, our hero’s days here in the shithole are numbered. Our boss sure is a bloody genius for making employees do his tasks in their own vehicles and not making sure they have auto insurance.
Maybe it will all work out. It will be interesting to watch how this unfolds. Perhaps we can retain the services of Has Been, Never Was & Has Been LLP to save our hero and make sure the company pays? 🙂