First things first. She is no “lady.” But she certainly is “GaGa.”

Her new music video “Telephone” came out today. It’s over nine minutes long. The scene is a women’s prison. The video gives writing credits to GaGa so I can only assume that’s a women’s prison from her own private fantasies. TMI!

If you can stomach the video long enough you’ll see a scene of GaGa wearing sunglasses made out of lit cigarettes kissing a fellow prison bitch.

I have to admit, just like watching a train wreck, it can be hard to look away.

Let’s see here. Hmm. Making out with a woman? Check. Sunglasses made out of lit cigarettes? Check. The most all nude footage that’s probably ever been seen in a music video? Check.

Methinks someone is trying to be shocking.

I find myself feeling actual embarrassment for GaGa. Trust me, that is not an easy thing to accomplish.

All that tells me is that, just like her predecessors Madonna and Britney Spears, Gaga is using sex and provocation as a way to compensate for a lack of actual singing talent.

Carefully evaluate GaGa’s work for skin content and sluttiness. Those are excellent indicators of talent.

Bring on more Christina Aguilera. You know, someone with real talent who can actually sing. I personally can’t wait for GaGa to get on to the lame “I used to be somebody” phase of her career, again, just like Madonna and Britney Spears. Something tells me the process gets accelerated each time around. GaGa’s turn in the barrel may be the shortest yet.