Don't be such a turd!

I have good news and bad news. In what order do you want it?

And here we go again … introducing yet another new feature to the blog-yo-sphere. I’m dubbing this invention blog reader interactivity. For the first time, you get to choose the story!

If you want the good news first, read the following paragraphs in numerical order. If you prefer it the other way around (and hey, who doesn’t?) then simply read those paragraphs in reverse order. Read to interact? Go!

1. Living Dilbert has returned to the scene of the crime … wait, erm, I mean, her blog. Yeah, that’s it. Yeah, her blog! This is huge. And good.

2. She promised to blog about, and I quote: “I can’t poo at this job.”As we go to press with this posting, that missive still hasn’t seen the light of day. That’s the bad news. No doubt it will pop up later. I hope.

As the current world record holder in the category of “Poop Where You Work” I am very interested in what she has to say about the topic. I await that post with baited breath.

I know what LD, means, though. I recently took on a new job. It’s been almost four months now. It took a few weeks before I was even able to pee for the first time. That bathroom was disgusting. But, and let me know if this is in any way Too Much Information (TMI), it took over three months before my one and only poo activity at work, and that only happened this week because I was deathly ill. Before that vicious blow I had successfully trained my body to be more mindful of work hours.

Sure, you can save a lot of money on toilet paper if you only poop at work, but that’s not my bag. Not when you hang out with The Unclean. They can be so … dirty.

My relationship with poop on this blog is a storied one and the stuff of legend. It all started one day when I posted an economic theory of mine. I call it Gold Nugget economics. Quite simply, it is the theory that I am gold and you are poop. This forms the basis of all economic tension that makes the entire world go around.

A few posts like that and soon, quite unplanned, I assure you, “poop” stood alone as the Big Kahuna in my tag cloud. Not one to miss an opportunity, I grabbed that poop and ran with it. I seized the day. I swore, right then and there, that poop would always remain this blog’s #1 tag, and I’m proud to say my commitment there has never wavered.

The first real volley in the poop genre, however, was launched about a month into my blog. That’s when I keenly noticed that I worked eight feet away from where people pooped. Not a bad start.

Sometimes customers use the work toilet, too. If they do, you’ve got a job to do when they leave, shall we say, surprises?

Of course, it should be no big surprise to anyone that I went on to break my own record in the “distance to toilet” department. This is no small achievement!

So, in summation, allow me to say this once again. Make no mistake about it. I’m glad Living Dilbert is back. 🙂