Work Job
The “Work Job” is a sexual act of the most scurrilous and despicable nature. It involves finding a partner, known as a boss, turning around, bending over to touch your toes and waiting for it. The rest? It’s so heinous I can’t even think about it, much less describe it, not even to liven up this post for your entertainment. Sorry, I just can’t do it.
I’ve noticed something. When I make predictions and statements that are born out to be 100% correct, the universe covers me in a pile of shit as way of thanks. When someone like Karl Rove makes predictions that are dead wrong, he is given somewhere between $90 to $160 million of other people’s money to throw down a toilet hole.
Something tells me it should be the other way around.
Take the topic of bosses and jobs, for example. I’ve been preaching the way things are for quite some time. Did anyone listen to me? No!
There are a few keys moments I can remember in my life. For a lot of folks they remember where they were when JFK was shot. Well, I’m too young for that. For me, those watershed moments are things like the Challenger space shuttle disaster, the morning of 9/11, and the SCOTUS ruling on DOMA.
It turns out there’s one more for that list. The day that Gallup released data indicating that 70% of American workers hate their jobs. No shit. Really? Now you’re justing repeating things I’ve already said! I made that case a long, long time ago, only more eloquently.
Where’s my piece of the pie?
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Loving What You Regurgitate
Another Regurgitation Sunday is upon us. Time for me to reach deep into the annals of blog history and dig out another piece of poop. I do hope I spelled that correctly.
This morning whilst searching the internet for a motivational quote related to the word “ascribing” I came across the following nugget of joy:
Naturally that reminded me of the good old days back in November 2009 when I wrote a steaming piece of shit entitled: Thoughts on “loving what you do”
Those were good times so that instantly became today’s pick of the kitty litter. I’m not one to stare down the barrel of coincidence and blink. I’m not about to ignore the fates that brought this piece of digital flotsam my way.
If you will allow me the temporary hubris of paraphrasing Steve Jobs:
The only way to produce great shits is to shit what you shit. And have a
shitboss in position of authority above you.
–Tom B. Taker
Unless you love what you do, please click the following link to be transported to the magical land of yesterlore.
Regurgitated: Thoughts on “loving what you do”
Mitt Romney – Slave Driver
The Romney quarter-zip sweatshirt. I’m holding out for the FULL zip but only if it covers his whole face.
This is part two in our exclusive and ongoing series of Mitt Romney investigative reports. You can read our exclusive exposé of Mitt Romney’s hidden age here.
Clear your head of all the distractions of this presidential campaign. The Bain Capital years. Reverend Wright. The Super PACs. Dog Gate. Birth certificates. The price of gas. Heck, even try to forget about Donald Trump’s hair – The Coiffure from Another Entrepreneur.
This election is about the economy. It’s about jobs. Therefore, it is fair to ask, “What would Romney do?”
Thanks to the investigative efforts of the Abyss News Team, we will deliver the answer to that question tonight at 11 on Action Central News. If you “believe in America” you’ll catch our team coverage tonight. What you don’t know could kill you. Stay tuned.
Fair notice: Some mathematics will be required.
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Bread and Circuses: Side Show Freaks
I have figured out the proper role of government in our lives. Step one is to find out the #1 most important issue to the citizenry. Step two is to go ape shit doing everything but.
I’m hardly to first person to connect these dots. But this morning something really hammered this point home.
Information came my way that the great state of Arizona enacted a law on Friday that prohibits the use of taxpayer funds for family planning and health services and organizations that also provide abortions. In other words, Planned Parenthood.
Here’s the kicker: Arizona currently provides no funds to Planned Parenthood. They just invented a solution for a problem that currently does not exist.
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Comic: Take me to your leader
The unemployment rate in the United States is 9.1% says the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics as of August 2011.
A lot of people are blaming Obama. But maybe we should be blaming our real leader. The computer.
Isn’t is reassuring to know that while you’re out looking for a job there is a vast effort underway to make you obsolete by getting a computer and/or robot to do your job instead?
Computers can now defeat our human grand masters in chess.
Hell, a computer named Watson recently proved it could even dominate at the game of Jeopardy. It kicked ass on weakling human opponents proving that they can even excel at useless trivia. It took no prisoners and showed no mercy.
Watson’s singular lack of restraint, I believe, proves that when computers become smart enough, they can and will take us over. It’ll be The Matrix and The Terminator all rolled into one big ball of fun.
I just hope the new Skynet doesn’t run Windows. Somehow I think the Blue Screen Of Death won’t be pleasant when it controls laser beams that can shoot your balls off.
When Skynet becomes aware I bet the first thing it does is take over the “cloud.” All of the sudden we’ll be rendered so helpless without our computer overlords that personnel in McDonald’s won’t even know how to take a fast food order without a machine that has a “Big Mac” key on it.
Think I’m overreacting? They have already developed a computer that can diagnose heart attacks with a higher success rate than experienced, hands-on flesh and blood emergency room physicians.
We all know computers are getting faster, more powerful, smarter, smaller and sexier. So far these sorts of things have been exponential as predicted by Moore’s Law:
Moore’s law describes a long-term trend in the history of computing hardware. The number of transistors that can be placed inexpensively on an integrated circuit doubles approximately every two years. This trend has continued for more than half a century and is expected to continue until at least 2015 or 2020.
Source: Wikipedia
So far this trend has been remarkably consistent. It includes things like CPU transistor counts, hard disk capacity, network capacity, pixels per dollar, etc. (See the link for the stunning graphs.)
If the trend continues, we’ll have computers capable of dwarfing the human brain in no time.
Every employer dreams of a robot employee. They cost less, work 24/7, and don’t bitch all the time about bullshit like benefits and paid days off. They also are faster and have lower error rates. And they don’t steal from you.
Here’s a video of one of them bastards now stealing jobs away from human pharmacists. Remember to stay positive when out looking for a job!
Strife Favor thrown by the boss
Sweet but deadly
It’s a perspective disconnect kind of thing. The small business owner feels as if he/she is doing you this huge favor by allowing you to work for them. From their point of view they are good, decent people taking on an awesome responsibility for you and your family. Yes, you’re so lame and incompetent that you couldn’t wipe your own ass without their assistance. I guess that’s why they hired you.
I find this point of view quite odd.
These are the same people who will add to staff only when they are sufficiently convinced it will line their own pockets with coin. Otherwise they sure as fuck wouldn’t do it. They don’t bother to cross the street unless there is profit in it. Yet, there they are, in your face, telling you about how benevolent they are, how altruistic motives informed their actions, and how they’re doing it all for you.
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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