Tag Archives: internets

V is for Vexting

InternetThere I was, laying in bed this morning, and minding my own business. Suddenly a shot rang out.

Oh, wait. No, scratch that. Sorry, I got a little too carried away there for a moment.

I was laying in bed and thinking ahead to this very post. What was I going to do with the letter “V” in the A-Z Blogger Challenge? In my mind I arranged different vowels after “V” and let different V-words come to mind. Eventually I settled on the word “vex.” Yes, I thought, mostly to myself. I can probably do something with “vex.” And then: discovery! I invented the word “vexting.”

Or so I thought.

Curse you, internets!

I fired up Google and punched it in. And there it was, on the Urban Dictionary, circa Dec. 16, 2009. Holy shit.

Why can’t any of my inventions ever be original? We’ve all got our special gifts, talents, and God-given abilities, right? Mine seems to be inventing things that already exist. A talent like that is a curiosity, a mere trifle. It doesn’t seem to do much when it comes to lavishing power and riches on yours truly.

By now, though, that’s something I’ve mostly accepted and adjusted to.

Vexting was gonna be another word in my so-called “demotivational dictionary.” It was gonna be something.

vexting – the act of making others angry while texting

Ex: “Did you see that son of a bitch? He was vexting all over the sidewalk – while pushing a baby in a stroller! That makes me sick!”

Well, you heard it here second, folks, and from a classic all-American duplicate. [dialing] “Hello, Universe? Yes, this is the little speck of an Earthling known as Tom. I’ll take another participant ribbon, please. Thanks.” [click]

I apologize. My treatment of the letter “V” in this challenge has been deplorable. I will therefore have to provide a bonus entry to try to salvage the situation.

Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn?

Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn
Remember how she said that
We would meet again
Some sunny day
Vera! Vera!
What has become of you
Does anybody else in here
Feel the way I do?

Says Wikipedia:

Dame Vera Lynn, DBE (born Vera Margaret Welch on 20 March 1917)  is an English singer and actress whose musical recordings and performances were enormously popular during World War II. During the war she toured Egypt, India and Burma, giving outdoor concerts for the troops. She was called “The Forces’ Sweetheart”; the songs most associated with her are “We’ll Meet Again” and “The White Cliffs of Dover”. She remained popular after the war, appearing on radio and television in the UK and the United States and recording such hits as “Auf Wiederseh’n Sweetheart” and “My Son, My Son”. In 2009 she became the oldest living artist to make it to No. 1 on the British album chart, at the age of 92. She has devoted much time and energy to charity work connected with ex-servicemen, disabled children and breast cancer. She is still held in great affection by veterans of the Second World War and in 2000 was named the Briton who best exemplified the spirit of the twentieth century.

She’s still alive, too. 94 years old and still going. Wow.

This is my “V” post for the April 2011 “A to Z Blogging Challenge.”

Updates about: Alert status and Facebook Safety

In my last post I had elevated Abyss Negativity Alert Status to “Game Over.” That is no joke. We are currently operating at 103% of maximum negativity capacity here in the Abyss. I shit you not.

Maximum negativity status is always a special time. It is an exciting time. I can often be heard to exclaim during times like this, “Vive la festival!”

Back in July of this year, I had also posted about how to be careful on the internet and with your Facebook. I recommend you check it out if you haven’t already. The post is entitled I’m sick of worrying about the bad people.

Apparently there are still some people out there who haven’t read my blog. (I know!) These unwitting fools fell victims to crooks who used Facebook to identify when their homes would be vacant so they could be burgled. I call the awesome power of technology helping people. Just like the way the Terminator does, too.


It’s that simple. If you want to blow off your narcissistic energies and yell, “Hey, internets! Look at me,” do it the smart way. Write about it after you get back! People will be just as happy to be bored by after the fact as they would before. (Trust me on this.)

Today’s heartwarming tale of goodness is inspired by something along these lines.

Police recently caught some burglars in New Hampshire who used Facebook status updates to find out when people would be gone and then burgle their houses. I bet these victims will think twice the next time they get the urge to shout to the internet ahead of time about their upcoming trip. (At least I hope they will.)

My wife and I recently took a three-day weekend for our anniversary and you can bet your ass Facebook and the blog knew absolutely nothing about it. Period. Bar none. I waited until we were back home before I wrote it. I’ll bet you all can still remember where you were and what you were doing when I finally broke silence about it.

So these burglars reportedly hit a whopping 18 homes (or more) and were caught by police with stolen property estimated to be worth $100,000 to $200,000 in value. Wow.

Here’s the obligatory “stupid dumb criminals” part of the story:

According to local police, investigators tracked down the burglars by listening for the sound of a specific kind of fireworks stolen from a home. When they heard it, they apprehended the suspects and their loot. (Source.)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That is the best belly laugh I’ve had all day! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Edgar Allen Poe would probably call this something like “the dumb robbing the dumb.”

The moral of this story: Listen to Tom you should. Hmm! About your safety Tom cares. Hmmm! Negative he may be but cares he does. Hmmph! For you he writes his blog. Read more you will. Yes? Hmmm!!!*

*Celebrity voice impersonated.