My Two Tuppence
This and a bucket of spit will buy you a pile of dead hair.
If you invest your suckance
Slyly with a skank
Like a ship run aground
More rewarding than invested in a bank
It will fail to astound
A wallet violently oppressed
And you’ll feel it each time they molest
As your effluence stickily expands
Deftly in the hands
Of the directors
Who invest your liquidity per their horny little glans
So yeah, there was that time I put thousands of dollars in a savings account with that “American” multinational bank. You know the one. Their logo is a red, white and blue flag credit card. Because nothing is more quintessentially American than, “I want it now. I’ll pay for it with credit.” Hey, let’s make our logo a credit card. That’ll show ’em what we’re really about.
And we fall for it.
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Hey, Gorgeous. You’re Beautiful!
Somebody asked to see me? That really makes my mustard a go-go.
Ah, the online world of the internets. A place of unspeakable and (almost) unimaginable evil.
It’s a land where 14-year-old children use the latest and greatest state-of-the-art technology to play mind games in the hopes their contemporaries will – quite literally – kill themselves. It quickly goes downhill from there.
Need a place to post your latest rape video? Check. The internet has got your back.
I’m deliberately leaving out the really nasty stuff. In short, technology lead to a life of ease with record leisure time which we promptly filled up with shitty behavior towards each other. Welcome to the Shit Age, the unpredicted successor to the Information Age.
On the bright side, though, there can be positive, fun moments, too. Like when you create your online persona, upload a real picture of yourself, then some stranger says, “Holy fuck, you are one hot bitch!” and emails you a picture of his penis. (Or so I’ve heard. I’ve never personally experienced that form of an internet “compliment.”)
Ah, internet. I see what you did there. You even ruined the so-called nice stuff. Well played.
In a place like this, a compliment on your avatar might seem like a refreshing change of pace. It might feel like a beacon of light in a sewer-sludge trash compactor of darkness and evil.
But is it really?
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Boss Wisdom
And the fourth method of learning wisdom, often neglected, is real life examples from the boss.
Wisdom is a deep understanding and realization of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to apply perceptions, judgements and actions in keeping with this understanding. It often requires control of one’s emotional reactions (the “passions”) so that universal principles, reason and knowledge prevail to determine one’s actions. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true coupled with optimum judgment as to action. Synonyms include: sagacity, discernment, or insight. (Source: Wikipedia.)
This morning I found a sticky note on my desk. It contained ideas for some possible blog posts. I’m always on the hunt for that next big idea, so when I think of something, I like to write it down before it is forgotten forever. Most ideas come around only a single time.
The blogging creative process works a little like this: Ideas are recorded in various ways. Sometimes they become voice memos in my iPod. Sometimes I update a file called “notes” in my computer. I used to carry a little notepad around with me where I put my tiny chicken scratch for all time. And sometimes the ideas go on sticky notes.
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Christmas bonus – some restrictions may apply
If I designed that sign I wouldn't have split "apologize" and I would have put a space in "thank you." That's why I'm worth the big bucks.
Ah. What a dilemma. What to get the employee who has nothing?
It was mid-2011 and my wife’s employer had already announced there wouldn’t be any Christmas bonuses. A few key people were laid off and replaced with fresher and more inexpensive ones. (Good management is hard to miss.)
And yet, when Christmas rolled around, management had one more surprise up their sleeve. Yes, Virginia, there is a Christmas bonus, although, in this case, interpretation of the word “bonus” can be a wee bit tricky.
It was a little something that made my $50 Walmart gift card look like a gift from the Gods.
Can you even guess what her “bonus” might be? Close your eyes and try to imagine it before reading further.
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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