Pain Man
I’m sitting here writing this post in my Kmart underwear … and nothing else. Yes, even though Kmart sucks. Maybe because of it. I gotta be me. We all know how much I enjoy humiliation.
I don’t know much and what I do know seems to be shrinking on an almost daily basis. My existence is increasingly consumed by thoughts regarding my sanity.
For those keeping track the opening paragraph was “underwear” and the follow-up paragraph was “shrinkage.” This is known as a progression of ideas. I’m building up to something. You are wise to still be reading this.
Aside from all that, there seems to be something else going on.
My rate of “Rain Man” moments seems to be on the rise. There’s been an uptick in momentia, if you will.
No, we decidedly do not refer to them as “senior moments.” Despite being a grumpy grandpa and standing on my lawn and yelling at kids, I’m not ready for that schtick just yet. Not while I’m still young and in my prime.
Besides, I’m an excellent driver.
Then I was responsible for a car accident after going to the pharmacy to pick up my “meds.” Oh, shit. Did I just use the word “meds?” This is the end.
So yeah, that happened.
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I’m One In A Million
“What is the nature of existence?” no one asked me.
“You asked,” I replied. “So I’ll tell you…”
Imagine being born into a society. Congratulations! You were the sperm that won. (Unless the fertilization process was technologically interfered with and/or took place inside of a test tube. In that case, here’s your “participant” ribbon.)
For most of thus that’s exactly what happened. We came into existence and then, presumably sometime later, we attained some sort of consciousness. And without knowing what we were doing we began to absorb. Mostly from the idiots who surrounded us.
Nice plan. Now you’re totally fucked.
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Start the Insanity!
If you’re anything like me, you spend an inordinate amount of time sitting around pondering your own insanity. Which, if you think about it, is pretty insane.
If you’re not like me, then what in the name of Zeus’ butthole are you doing here?
Let’s think about this problem mathematically. There are two possible conditions when we consider the question, “Am I insane?” One is insane, the other is not insane. (I guess there is also theoretically partially-insane but for the sake of this discussion let’s leave that out of the mix. For now. Mwuhahahah!)
With those assumptions locked in, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.
If one is insane, it logically follows that one will not be able to correctly deduce the state of their own state of insanity, therefore the activity is a complete waste of time.
Whee. This is fun!
Perversely it follows that even if you are sane, you can never be too sure, so you might think you are not. Yet another waste of time.
Thus I conclude that pondering one’s one sanity is probably not the most productive thing one might do.
But, every once in a while, you can get a sign you might not be completely batshit crazy.
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Monday, Monday!
What the fuck? It’s another Monday. In honor of this start to a new week, I offer for your consideration how last week started. This is a true story. Only the pains have been changed to molest my innocence.
It’s Monday morning. I am feeling physically ill as I get ready for work and haul my ass across town. Don’t worry – the manifestation of physical symptoms is routine for me.
As I walk in front of the business towards the door, I can already hear the raised voices of Boss and Cow Orker through the wall. I heave a heavy sigh. I already know that which awaits.
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Blog the insanity!
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
–Albert Einstein
It normally happens a few times a day. It’s a fairly common occurrence but even so we don’t normally notice it that much. For those of us who work and/or play on a computer we may even have developed a blind spot for it that we don’t even know we have.
You click something on your computer and nothing happens. In spite of Einstein’s brilliant definition above, you wait a second or two (an eternity in computer terms) and then click that something again. And again.
Here’s the frustrating thing: Maybe on the second or third click it suddenly and miraculously works in complete and utter disregard for Einstein’s wisdom.
Einstein was wrong! But then again, I don’t think he ever met a computer. On a computer doing the same thing over and over again can (and often does) produce different results.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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