Tag Archives: influence

Comic: You Can Bank On It


Here’s To Your Wealth

money-scamImagine only one human left on Earth. It can even be you, if you want. It can be a pristine Earth free of the ravages of any human stain or it can be an Omega Man-esque utopia with our hardscape marrings left behind.

As that proverbial last person alive, would you be wealthy?

I don’t normally write within the how to or self help genres. But today I am here to tell you how to acquire wealth. Real wealth. And by “real” I mean that which makes your peers weep tears of pain. What other kind of wealth is worth anything?

At this point I should probably make you aware of the EULA for this post: By opening and reading this far you have already acknowledged your consent that our friendly e-commerce nanites have transferred $14.95 from your account. Easy, fast, and convenient. Don’t worry. This is assuredly a premium experience.
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Going into Labor

laborFriends, today I read a passage from the Demotivational Dictionary:

labor union: just about the only people on planet Earth who give a flying shit about the plight of the lowly worker.
–Source: not Wikipedia

What is a labor union?

If we think of the employer/employee paradigm as a formula, on one side of the equation we find power, control, the ability to make decisions, have a hand in the company’s fate, profit, dignity, respect, ties to government, legislation, influence, and much, much more.

The labor union is that which stands to protect all that remains on the other side of that equation.

There may be a lot of power-imbalanced relationships in the average person’s life, but the relationship between employer and employee is most likely at the top of that list. Bar none.

Are labor unions perfect? No. Do they have flaws? Yes. After all, they are comprised of flawed human beings just like every other human-based organizational unit on planet Earth. They are, however, just about the last bastion of hope for the average worker who stands opposed in the face of overwhelming injustice and the imbalance of power.

Like my daddy used to say, it’s enough to make me go burlap.
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Walker, Wisconsin Stranger


Never forget: If someone has a different opinion than you then they are “bad.” I, for one, still remember the basic lessons of kindergarten even if the rest of you have long forgotten.

This week in Wisconsin was a battle of epic distortions. No, not Scott Walker vs. Tom Barrett. That was a red herring.

Despite what Chicken Little told you about the legendary “lamestream” leftist media in this country, the truth is far simpler than that. It has a little something to do with the phrase, “If it bleeds it leads.” Corporations exist to make profits. Billionaires have lower tax rates. You don’t tug on Superman’s cape. And the media, left, right or otherwise, likes to manufacture narratives to sell its product. Sensationalism is the low-hanging fruit of news. They are all about the flimflam. Metrics must be driven, like into the ground.

Thankfully I see it as my civic duty to shine the light of truth on the recent high jinks in Wisconsin.

This minor little fracas in Wisconsin was not the bellwether end-all prognostication of the 2012 presidential election. For weeks we’ve been fed the hype from talking heads and experts, which was happily passed along by our friends in the media: Scott Walker’s fate would determine the fate of the entire galaxy. If Walker lost then Romney was dog meat. If Walker won then Obama’s hope would turn into nope.

The only problem? That’s the wrong damn narrative.
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The Klout Pout Boogie #Klout #influence #poop

Merry Christmas, son. I got you some Klout.

First I saw vague references to something called “Klout” on tweets. Things like “I just Klouted someone” or “I got nudged on my Klout.”

Since I didn’t know what a “Klout” was, my brain utterly ignored these tweets. They were invisible. (I know I just contradicted my first sentence. STFU! Hey, who’s the writer here?) Much like the native peoples who couldn’t see European “tall ships” offshore or the way I can’t find the mayonnaise jar when my wife has moved it front and center on the top shelf in the fridge.

Eventually I learned that Klout was a website/company that provides “social media analytics.” Finally! A company to fill that need in our society. Screw the 1 billion or more people without access to safe drinking water and the 2 billion without access to toilets. We got Klout. Yeah!

Naturally I signed right up.

I learned that Klout measures “influence.” As near as I can figure, this a measurement of how good you are at getting other humans to do that most holy of acts: spend money.
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