Here’s To Your Wealth
Imagine only one human left on Earth. It can even be you, if you want. It can be a pristine Earth free of the ravages of any human stain or it can be an Omega Man-esque utopia with our hardscape marrings left behind.
As that proverbial last person alive, would you be wealthy?
I don’t normally write within the how to or self help genres. But today I am here to tell you how to acquire wealth. Real wealth. And by “real” I mean that which makes your peers weep tears of pain. What other kind of wealth is worth anything?
At this point I should probably make you aware of the EULA for this post: By opening and reading this far you have already acknowledged your consent that our friendly e-commerce nanites have transferred $14.95 from your account. Easy, fast, and convenient. Don’t worry. This is assuredly a premium experience.
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How To Be Livid
I will feast on your soul.
Prattling on about this nonsense and that is all well and good, but the time has come to put lofty ideas into action. It’s time to be livid.
Pro Tip: You may want to keep some napkins handy just in case veins on your forehead pop.
Sometimes life will lope up on you from behind and give you ample reasons to be angry. Sometimes (although I can’t imagine why) you aren’t even in the mood to be angry yet life will foist itself upon you regardless. It will literally force you to be livid against your will.
True, those are sublime experiences, but they do tend to be rather random and when the chips are down, you really can’t count them.
So, what to do? Take matters into your own hands, of course! With my tried and true techniques, and a bit of practice, so you’ll soon be livid with the best of them, as often as you want and when you need it the most.
Sound too good to be true? It probably is. See? I can feel it working already!
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You Don’t Know Polite
Why does shit like this happen to me? (This is my version of the “dark and stormy” night opening as a literary device.)
My wife and I were out to dinner and having our usually jolly time. Things were clicking. My jokes were firing on all cylinders. I was witty. Our repartee was fast and furious on a highly intellectual level.
As we exited the restaurant I was feeling pretty good. (It could happen.) I saw four people behind us. They were far enough back that I could have let the door close and no slight would have been perceived. I decided to be nice and waited to hold open the door.
They came through single file. As she passed, the first person actually said, I kid you not, “Thank you.”
Wow. It’s a modern day miracle. I’m now that much closer to sainthood. I was momentarily stunned and at a loss for words. As quickly as I could I responded with, “You’re welcome.”
Oops. By then the third person was already walking by. She heard what I said and turned and looked at me. With dagger eyes. Of hatred and death.
Ah. She thought I was talking to her and assumed I was being snotty because she decidedly did not bother to say thank you.
Good intentions: 0. Crass misunderstandings: 1.
Bad form, Mr. Smee. Bad form.
And now some politeness tips from yours truly.
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How to Blog
It was Saturday morning and I had a blog post to pump out lest my streak towards 1,000 days of continuous blogging fell into jeopardy. Yes, it was Saturday, but there was little time for blogging. Chores were waiting.
Luckily, for once in my my life, I already had an idea percolating in my head. I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. This shouldn’t take long, I thought to myself, right before everything went straight to Hell.
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WordPress tip: Show up in email
A rare glimpse in my secret garden
Here I am again with yet another tip to help improve your WordPress experience. Yes, I’m still here to help, even though Freshly Pressed has forsaken me because of the undocumented WordPress bias against negativity. Fuck that!
Anywho, the screen shot above is taken from my email inbox. I’ve added some red arrows to indicate a wee problem that might be affecting some of you. If you don’t subscribe to WordPress blogs by email you might not be aware of how your emails show up.
Erm, have you entered a “site title” for your blog?
One way to confirm your site’s title is to visit the public site of your own blog’s home page. Once there, look in the browser window and see if the title of your blog is shown. If it only says something like “Mozilla Firefox” or “http://yourblogname.wordpress.com – Windows Internet Explorer” then you have this problem.
In the example shown above, I’ve received four notifications of new posts on blogs that I heartily enjoy, yet the sender is simply shown as “WordPress.” I suspect “WordPress” is the default shown when an actual title hasn’t been entered yet. Wouldn’t it be better if your blog title was shown there?
To remedy this problem, visit your blog’s Dashboard, scroll down and click Settings, then click General. On the “General Settings” page you should find a field named “Site Title.” Just make sure something meaningful is entered there and your problem should be fixed.
Please let me know if any of you find this helpful. I’ll be eagerly watching my inbox to see what happens next…
Shouts from the Abyss 
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