Tag Archives: heaven

A Tom B. Taker Christmas

directvThere it was. In the mailbox. A legitimate Christmas miracle. It was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes. Instead of darkness I beheld a world of twinkly light.

It was beautiful! I felt alive. I loved everything I could see. I sprinted out into the street and hugged the garbage man. He was beautiful. He looked really surprised. Maybe I should have worn pants but there was no time for that.

In my hands I held a Christmas card. It was even addressed to me. To me! Someone had sent me a Christmas card. A bona fide recipient of the Ribbon of Participation. I was finally somebody.

“God bless us, every one!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. I’d never felt a stronger sense of belonging.

Yes, it was time for a let down.

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Comic: Messages From Heaven


Highway To Wazzit?

billboards-by-typeHighway To Heaven starred Michael Landon as an angel on probation, sent to Earth and given assignments by The Boss to help troubled souls.

Shouts From The Abyss stars yours truly as a self-proclaimed guru of negativity, given (purloined) a blog which serves as a metaphorical highway where daily poop bullshit is dispensed to The Reader.

The parallels are uncanny.

Hell, I’m just like Johnny Appleseed only slightly different. And, like Mr. Appleseed, I’ve got places to go and things to do. For that I will, occasionally, use a highway.

Highway to Hell was a rockin’ little ditty by AC/DC.

One thing is for sure: That’s a lot of highways! And the other day I was on one of them.

Verily I say unto you, the highways shall be covered with billboards and they shall be legion but do not be tempted by the advertising messages contained therein lest thou’st risk thy immortal soul for they are abomination.

The Book of Guru, Transportation Chapter

It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. A serendipitous journey dappled with billboards containing messages like “Eat at Joe’s” and “Billboard Space Available.” Hell, who wouldn’t appreciate a journey like that? God forbid that even during the act of driving we might temporarily forget that the world is 24/7 after our wallets.
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Moralities: The Ant and the Grasshopper

Just go ahead and ignore my snide little partisan joke at the end there. 🙂 What do you think? Am I right? Wrong? For that matter, what is right and wrong? What would you do?
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Infantile choices

Heaven road turn into clouds

This baby goes from joy to despair in six seconds

Some people think that you can choose your parents*. This morning, for some reason, I woke up thinking about this idea.

What would it really mean to make a choice like that?

And, if you could choose your parents, what else would you be choosing? How much information would you be given when making such a choice?

What might the process of this choosing look like?

Putting it into context (in other words, “me”) this is one possible imagining…

There I was floating in time and space. I didn’t know if it was heaven or hell. Maybe it was neither.

I was aware of my sense of self. I knew I was an incorporeal form.

Drifting, I ended up at a structure that looked like a car dealership. I made my way inside.

Before me there were choices. I sensed that these were all possible futures of me. Without knowing why, I realized it was important that I pick one. Somehow I knew it was time to leave this place and be moving on.

Each choice presented tantalizing partial glimpses. Even I knew that total awareness would have made the process of choosing completely irrelevant. What mystery would there be in that?

I could see different parents. Some looked nice, some not. Some choices presented wealth, others not.

Then, down at the end, almost hidden, I saw something that caught my eye. I turned to the salesperson who, previously unnoticed, was floating by my side. “What about that one?” I asked.

The salesperson’s aura flickered suddenly and brightly, flashing rapidly through amazing oranges and reds. What was it that had caused that reaction? “Oh, you don’t want that one,” it spoke to my inner thoughts. “That’s basically just there as a yin-yang kind of thing. Its purpose is to merely provide context for the other choices. It’s not meant to be a legitimate choice of its own.”

I was, of course, very intrigued. “Go on,” I emoted.

“You do not grok,” I heard in my mind. “That fate is not to be chosen. It is extremely flighty. Among it’s many problems, it has the ability to go from joy to despair in six seconds flat. Trust me, nobody wants that.”

“I’ll take it.”

And now you know the rest of the story behind how I ended up on this planet. I’ll be writing about The Pit of Joy and Despair in a future post soon. It’s from the owner’s manual for this model. Stay tuned!

* For proof, google the phrase “choosing your parents.” I was surprised by the number of hits.

Love at first sight

Do you believe in love at first sight? This morning the universe brought me the video below. Now I believe.

Halloween in Heaven (Christmas in Hell)

Type O Negative may not be your cup ‘o tea, but here’s a little Halloween ditty with a lively beat. 🙂

Of harps and choirs
Pumpkin pine pyres
Flames of red and green
Orange and black
Years take me back
Christmas or Halloween

Halloween in heaven
It’s Christmas in hell
Halloween in heaven
Oh well, oh well