Abyss Christmas Gift Giving Guide 2014
It’s Christmas 2014 already. How the hell did that happen? Who has been playing with the time machine?
If it’s pitch black in the house by 5pm it must be time for me to get off my ass and start working on the Abyss Gift Giving Guide. Well, okay. I’ll give it a shot.
We were supposed to have flying cars by what? 2008? 1999? Where are they? Where are my flying cars? In the meantime, what else ain’t we got?
The following ideas are products of my fertile incontinent barren mind and may not yet be available in stores…
e-i-Opaque Windows
Thank god this has nothing to do with Microsoft.
Abyss Christmas Buying Guide 2012: Hell To Pay
Is there a crazy character on your Christmas list with that far, far away look in their eye who’s a few life lessons short of guru attainment? I, your humble guru, did, and so can you. And so can they.
I owe it all to the compendium of tome that forever changed my life. It’s a book that irrevocably set galactic-sized wheels in motion, albeit a long, long time ago.
“You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done.”
–Owen Lars, Moisture Farmer
I’m talking about, of course, Hell To Pay, a hearty collection of witticisms and musings about the great mysteries of life by our galaxy’s most famous moisture farmer, Owen Laws. You may know him better as the uncle to the master of midichlorians himself, Luke Skywalker.
Continue reading →
Quantum of Grimace: Abyss 2012 Christmas Gift Guide
Back after a one-year hiatus it’s the Shouts From The Abyss 2012 Christmas Gift Giving Guide! I know you’ve all been waiting with baited breath to see what’s at the top of my list so let’s dive right in. Is that okay with you, Sugarplum?
I promise it’ll be more fun than a black hole.
Continue reading →
Handy Dandy Republican Primary Presidential Cheat Sheet Crib Notes Voting Guide
Deciding is hard. Now you don’t have to!
The social scientists of the Abyss have been hard at work putting together the following guide to help you make sense of this confusing Republic primary. Should you vote for Mitt? Newt? Who the hell knows?
Now you do. Simply follow this chart and everything will turn out fine.
Thinking is hard and overrated. So don’t try.
You’re welcome!
Abyss Christmas Buying Guide 2011 – Part One
The Tin Foil Hat Kit
Amazingly this versatile item is found in most neighborhood grocery and hardware stores. It’s true!
It’s the Tin Foil Hat Kit. It’s perfect for those freaky DIY freaks on your Xmas list.
Continue reading →
Shouts from the Abyss 
Recent Comments