Tag Archives: girls

DIY: Genderproofing Your Home

gender-signsWhat? Another DIY post? Wow. I must really be in the mood to be helpful.

Target, apparently a retail establishment that peddles cheaply-made crap (most of it likely sourced from overseas and presumably made with cheap labor) recently announced it was taking down gender-based signage in their stores. The new policy applies to departments like “toys” and “bedding.” Clothes, apparently, still have a long way to go, baby.

The old way of shopping worked something like this:

“Hey, we gotta get a toy for Pat. The kid is having a birthday soon.”

“OMFG! What gender is Pat? Do we even know?! That’s it, man. Game over. Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen.”

“Whoa. Easy there. Calm down. We know what it is. Pat is currently a boy.”

“Whew. Okay. Close one. Let’s go to Target. We’ll head for the section labeled Toys For Boys. Make no mistake about it. We will not go down the aisle labeled Toys For Girls. No fucking way!”

At the store: “Now these are toys for boys. Get the erector set, Lincoln logs, Army men, flamethrower, truck nuts, 8×10 color glossy of Mike Rowe, a jumbo jar of Rambo sweat, and box of Cuban cigars.”

“Fuckin’ A.”

Now, thanks to Target, you can shop the new way:

“Oh, noes. The ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ signs are gone. Now we’re forced to choose from aisles simply labeled ‘toys.’ What are we supposed to do now? We’re gonna die!!!”

Don’t go sticking your head in an Easy Bake Oven just yet.

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Girls Day In

My wife in action. (Actor portrayal.)

My wife in action. (Actor portrayal.)

There was a sense of strange¬†foreboding. My wife had control of the remote. Boldly and apparently to no one in particular she announced, “I’m going to pretend that I’m home alone and watch whatever I want.”

Wow. So assertive.

The TV came on and the Netflix logo loomed large.

It was a cozy Saturday afternoon. The kind of day for which I live. Outside were blue skies. Inside the sunlight streamed in windows. It was quiet. We were basking in the luxuriousness of nothing to do. My wife snuggled up in her TV blanket. I did the same. Cats were lounging around and purring.

These are the moments of which dreams are made. I believe it is times like these that make life worth living. No work. No responsibilities. Safely ensconced in your castle. Nothing to do except stretch out under your blanket. The rest of the world can wait.

Where the hell is my damn cup coffee with International Delights creamer? I want to celebrate this, one of the moments of my life!

And it was all going so good, too. Perhaps a little too good.

Then she pointed that thing at the TV and pushed PLAY.

This shit just got serious.

Netflix! Is there anything it can't do? I mean besides show me a list of "Recently Watched" titles?

Netflix! Is there anything it can’t do? I mean besides show me a list of “Recently Watched” titles?

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