The French Predilection
This post is dedicated to a friend of a friend. You know who you are…
Team America is about to unload a can of whoop-ass-sized Freedom Fries ™ on your Roquefort. Yeeeeeeee-haw!
U.S. CEO Blasts French Work Habits
–A frothy headline from the “We Hate Obama’s Guts” edition of the Wall Street Journal
Can I re-write the headline?
U.S. Money Eater Blasts Cheese Eaters, Claims Currency Is ‘Ten Times More Delicious’ Than Fromage
—The Daily Abyssian Union Picayune Herald Register Times Tribune Weekly
Roquefort is under attack. Roquefort will be defended!!!
It all started when the CEO of a U.S. tire manufacturer published a letter in a French newspaper criticizing the work habits of French workers and, responding to the notion of buying a former Goodyear tire plant, stating: “How stupid do you think we are?”
To be honest, I’d happily respond to that question but I doubt he’d be able to understand the answer. Héh héh héh héh héh!!!
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Où êtes-vous, Roquefort?
There’s blue cheese and then there’s Roquefort. I developed a penchant for the latter during three years of French class. Oui, oui!
Blue cheese is a general classification of cow’s milk, sheep’s milk, or goat’s milk cheeses that have had cultures of the mold Penicillium added so that the final product is spotted or veined throughout with blue, blue-gray or blue-green mold, and carries a distinct smell, either from that or various specially cultivated bacteria. Some blue cheeses are injected with spores before the curds form and others have spores mixed in with the curds after they form. Blue cheeses are typically aged in a temperature-controlled environment such as a cave. Blue cheese can be eaten by itself or can be crumbled or melted into or over foods. (Source: Wikipedia.)
Roquefort is a variety of blue cheese, but to be called “Roquefort,” by law, it must be “aged in the natural Combalou caves of Roquefort-sur-Soulzon.” According to legend, it was in those very caves when a young man, tempted by a beautiful girl, abandoned his lunch including ewes’ milk cheese in a cave. When he returned to the cave a few months later, he was startled to discover that the mold (Penicillium roqueforti) had transformed his forgotten lunch into Roquefort. Viola!
Only the French could have such a romantic backstory about the invention of a cheese.
The other day I was thinking about First Meal. I’ve been spending a lot of my time planning what I will eat after my 39-days of Abyss Island are over. I’ve taken to calling it First Meal and it has assumed legendary importance in my life. The odds on favorite is currently homemade fried chicken. Oh yes.
I was thinking about this when I remarked to my wife, “You know what I want to eat for First Meal?” She just rolled her eyes. “What the hell ever happened to Roquefort, anyway? I used to look for the official seal, then poof. One day it was just gone man.”
Well, I think found out what happened. And, believe it or not, the trail leads right back to George W. Bush. Holy moldy! Son of a bitch!
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Know your enemy: obliviots get asses kicked
I’m proud to present two recent stories, variations on a similar theme, about pieces of shit making really dumb ass decisions and facing INSTANT JUSTICE of the most satisfying kind.
Story One:
Two assholes were out on the town when they spotted a couple of transvestites walking down the street. Being the dimwitted prejudiced punk bitches that they were, they decided to beat up the men in drag just for the hell of it. They were in for a little shock though, when they discovered that the men weren’t transvestites after all. They were cage fighters on their way to hang out and had dressed up in women’s clothes because they wanted to do “something different.”
Suffice it to say the would-be thugs got served a satisfying can of whoop ass. Big time. Then the cage fighters picked up their handbags and continued on their way.
These dudes are the worst kind of scum, picking on someone just because of how they looked, and they got what they deserved. And the fight was caught on video, too.
Story Two:
People in the United States are so smug about certain things. One of those is that the French are considered pussies. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Some Americans confuse a difference of opinion as weakness but in reality the French have been bad ass throughout history and are still bad ass to this day. I know this because I took three years of french and ate my share of snails.
Those friggin’ Somalia pirates made a big mistake the other day when they mistook a French military vessel as a commercial vessel and opened fire. France was in waters 600 miles off the coast of Somalia conducting anti-piracy operations. No French personnel were injured in the attack. The military vessel, the BCR Somme, gave chase and captured one of the two attacking boats. Those pirates sure looked like pussies giving up. In my opinion the French should have deep-sixed those friggin’ assholes. Instead they’ll be “arrested” and treated way more civilly than they deserve.
From what I hear the Somalia overlords who are behind piracy attacks have made a lot of ransom money, which is why the attacks continue. It would certainly be quite easy to identify them in a country that is dirt poor. I don’t understand why they just don’t drop in some smart bombs on those motherfuckers.
In any case, that’s two similar stories within the last week of justice served cold and in instantaneous fashion. You sure made some bad moves, creeps. Too bad all cases of thuggery can’t come to such satisfying conclusions!
Shouts from the Abyss 
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