May I suggest that next time you think about airport security that you think about H&R Block instead of TSA?
Yes, it’s true that H&R Block can do so much more than screw up your electronic filings and not have the ability to provide your tax returns from previous years when they handled your filings. They can and should do so much more!
I had to go through H&R Block security procedures yesterday at our local office, and I can tell you – these people are good!
Here’s the story.
My new boss needed some documents picked up from H&R Block. Since I live all the way on the other side of town and about 200 yards from the H&R Block office, he asked if I could pick them up on my way to work. I said, “Sure. No problem.”
I walked into the office and said, “I’m here to pick up some documents for XYZ Corp, Acme Division, Widget R&D Department of the Enterprise Zone Chamber of Commerce Interface Committee.” Or something to that effect.
“Oh yes,” the woman said. “We have those ready to go. May I ask your name?”
“I hope you understand, Tom. I’m going to have to call and confirm you are authorized to pick these up.”
“Do you have your office’s phone number?”
Whiskey tango foxtrot!
As often happens in life, I couldn’t help myself. “Eh? Are you serious? You need to vet me. I can grok that. But what possible value is it to you if I provide the frickin’ phone number? What does that prove?”
The point eluded her. “Well, I have to ask.”
So I gave the mental midget the phone number. She called and the person on the other end of the line, apparently trustworthy as far as she knew, told her I was copacetic. Whatever that fucking proves.
“Now I need your full name.”
“Tom B. Taker.” At this point I was feeling crotchety and incredulous.
“And now I’ll need to see some ID.”
You mean this fake ID, I thought to myself. If I was dirty so far she hadn’t done jack shit to verify anything about me. I showed her my ACLU card.
And, this is where I was really floored with the sheer professionalism of H&R Block procedures. She grabbed a blank sheet of 8-1/2″ x 11″ paper and wrote it. “Tom B. Taker has been authorized to pick up documents for XYZ Corp, Acme Division, Widget R&D Department of the Enterprise Zone Chamber of Commerce Interface Committee. Documents have been released as of this date.”
She pushed her handwritten scrawl in my face. “I’ll just need your John Hancock right here.”
No way, lady! That would be forgery! 🙂
I signed her official looking form.
Finally, she handed over the documents while giving me one last lingering once over with her shifty eyes. Mwuahahahaha! At last! The documents were mine!
Truly, I vote think we should get H&R Block in charge of airport security ASAP. What could possibly go wrong?
Here we are in the year 2010. As far as I know, it’s the most recent year we’ve ever had. At least up until now.
I just opened my shiny new Windows Live Messenger 2011 and it shoved some daily news down my throat. (Anyone know how to make my contact list go back to the smaller view?)
The top stories I saw included:
- “Bionic” Man with mind-controlled high-tech arm dies
- Scores dead in Haiti cholera outbreak
- ‘World’s Most advanced’ nuclear sub runs aground
I tugged on a thread of that tapestry and came away with this thought: We humans sure are fallible. Have we learned nothing from the Titanic and Jurassic Park? Life will not be contained. Or, as Yeats so aptly put it: “Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.”
When humans live in unsanitary conditions the risk of disease is greatly increased. You don’t need to be Einstein to know that. And this is how we treat each other? “Welp, they are poor. I guess they deserve it.”
The problem with that logic is that diseases tend to not stop and check a person’s wallet before hopping on for a ride.
The Titanic hit an iceberg almost 100 years ago. A century later and our “most advanced” sub can still make a similar mistake. Learn from history much?
Lastly, regarding the “bionic” man, I only have this to say: Our state of the art transportation system still relies on fragile vehicles powered by the gasoline-powered internal combustion engine. Motorize vehicle, oh how we love thee! Yet that love affair has a high price. 30,000 to 40,000 human beings, on average, are killed every year on our nation’s highways and roads.
What if I came to you and said, “Psst. Hey, buddy! Check this out. I got an idea for a method of transportation that will let that vast majority of people in your country go from any Point A to any Point B that they want, and at the exact moment the want it. Neat, huh? The only downside is that it will kill 30,000 or more people a year. You want this, right?”
Something tells me that we humans aren’t as smart as we seem to think we are.
Long before The Soup there was a little TV show called Talk Soup. That’s where the juggernaut we call the Soup franchise was born.
We all know Greg Kinnear hosted Talk Soup then went on to become a great big movie star. He hosted the show from 1991 through 1995.
Next came John Henson who hosted from 1995 through 1999. The Kinnear and Henson years represented the golden age of Talk Soup. Unlike Kinnear, however, Henson didn’t go on to be a famous movie star. His current gig is co-host of the “game show” known as Wipeout. (Yes, those are sarcastic air quotes.)
Some guy named Hal Sparks hosted Talk Soup from 1999 to 2000. I don’t know too much about him but I could – probably – pick him out of a police lineup if my life depended on it. Fortunately that’s not a scenario that happens too often. I think he might be one of those guy who adds “funny comments” to those VH1 shows.
Last but not least is the beautiful and multi-talented Aisha Tyler who hosted Talk Soup from 2001 through 2002. I most remember her as Ross’ girlfriend on the show Friends. (She started off as Joey’s girlfriend, though.)
Of course we all know that Talk Soup went on to become The Soup which premiered in July 2004 with host Joel McHale who went on to star in the epic paintball episode of Community. (He also appears in some other episodes in the series as well.)
And now, as Lokar likes to say, “Roll the crap.”