Tag Archives: enema

First Thanksgiving: Smoke Gets In Your What What?

The wrong kind of Bellows although, in a pinch, he could probably still get the job done.

The wrong kind of Bellows although, in a pinch, he could probably still get the job done.

Remember learning about history in K-12? I don’t remember much but when it comes to the first Thanksgiving a few images do come to mind. The following paragraph is pieced together relying solely on my recollections.

The Pilgrims and the Native Americans came together for a feast. The Pilgrims wore funny brown hats topped with a column adorned with a belt buckle. There was maize. There was jellied cranberry sauce featuring distinctive rings from an aluminum can. There was even pumpkin pie. There was a horn of plenty that provided a veritable cornucopia of magical fresh fruits and vegetables. And, of course, last but not least, there was turkey aplenty that looked a lot like simple outline drawings of my hand.

Have you ever experienced that moment when you realized history class left a lot of things out? It was decidedly not the place to go if you wanted the big picture. Or an unvarnished viewpoint free of bias that didn’t accentuate a certain narrative. No doubt there were time constraints or contractual obligations?

My exhaustive (you’ll get this pun after the jump) research turned up something else that was given to the Pilgrims. It wasn’t on the dinner table, perhaps, but I’m sure it was still something to be very thankful for.
Continue reading →

Pine Near Whoa Man: Cleansing Quiche

QuicheEver heard the expression, “I’ll wash your mouth out with soap?” I have. A lot.

Today we’ll literally do that and enjoy a delicious quiche – all at the same time!

I learned how to make my first quiche during three years of French in high school. That’s also where I got my first taste of escargot or what most of us call “snails.” Loosely translated, escargot in English means “chewy disgusting life forms drowned in butter.”

Recently I came across a bottle of Lemongrass & Basil Antibacterial Hand Soap. Damn, that stuff smells good. Now I get hungry every time I wash my hands.

So I decided to combine the best of both worlds. I now present my humble creation, Cleansing Quiche. Viola!

Cleaning Quiche ala Shouts

3 tablespoons olive oil, plus more for drizzling
1 cup Wheat Thins Snack Crackers – Sundried Tomato & Basil
1/2 cup sliced onions
1 teaspoon chopped, fresh marjoram
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
6 eggs
3/4 cup Lemongrass & Basil Antibacterial Hand Soap
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2. Roll Wheat Thins with a rolling pin until finely crushed. This may be done in small batches.

3. Drizzle olive oil in a skillet and cook onions and marjoram over medium heat for two minutes until onions are translucent.

4. Combine salt, pepper and eggs in a bowl and stir until combined.

5. Gently fold hand soap into egg mixture. Do not over stir or bubbling may occur.

6. Add the egg mixture to the sautéed onions and stir to incorporate the onions. Cook the frittata on the stovetop until the eggs start to set, then transfer the skillet to the oven. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, or until firm.

7. Enjoy!

Variations: Increase hand soap to two cups and use uncooked mixture as a delicious cleansing colonic. Pour into a pre-warmed collins glass. Serves 1 to 2.

Go ahead and indulge with a spew of profanity before enjoying your first bite of this inspired quiche. Might as well slip a freebie in before deliciously washing your mouth out with every soapy bite.

This invention was inspired by this tweet:

Is it okay to drink Lemongrass & Basil antibacterial hand soap? It smells delicious!
@shoutabyss

Bon appetit!