Tag Archives: empty

Drowned By Dribblings

By Tom B. Taker on | 20 Comments

half-empty-glassBy one definition, perhaps the only one that matters, there are two kinds of people in this world: Those who finish their beverages down to the last drop and those who always leave some behind.

I’m the former. “Never leave a beverage behind,” I’m pretty damn famous for saying.

Some, however, fall for that old wives’ tale that beverage enjoyment abates the deeper you get. Hogwash!

That first icy cold blast of Pepsi or Coke or beer is sublime goodness, right? On the other hand, that pathetic last half inch leftover at the bottom isn’t worth the backwashed-spit that now comprises 42% of its volume.

I guess the big question is this: Are all of those partially-filled glasses left lying around the house “half empty” or “half full?” The correct answer, of course, is: “Who gives a shit? Clean that crap up!”
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The Blog That Wasn’t There Part Two

By Tom B. Taker on | 3 Comments

This is the exciting conclusion to a two-part series entitled The Blog That Wasn’t There. When we left I had just accidentally hit the Publish button and created part one. -Ed

We were led to believe that hyperlinks were good. They could lead to other websites. They were part and parcel of the grand “content” scheme, the belief that sharing would occur across the internet.

For example, bloggers could embed video, music, images and more with just a bit of text. Books on blogging advised us that this was the thing to do.

Even WordPress got in on it. They rolled out something called PicApp. It was a way to legally include a vast library of commercial images in your posts. Like a good little foot soldier I used the feature every chance I could get.

What could possibly go wrong?

Bloggy

Bloggy, bloggy wasn’t there
Bloggy, bloggy didn’t care it wasn’t there
Just like my underwear
Bloggy wasn’t there

If you got a bloggy issue, here’s a bloggy tissue
BL to the O to the G G Y
BL to the O to the G G Y
Say it gots no soul but blog has gots a wide gaping hole

Do bloggers ever go back and re-read their own stuff? I do. Perhaps I’m doing a bit of research on a new post or I want to link something in. When I go through this process I’ll often re-read the entire thing. That’s usually when I discover all sorts of horrible typos that my editor failed to catch. Hint: I don’t have an editor.

And I’m just OCD enough to fix them, years later, once discovered.

But as I went through this exercise I began to notice something else. All my contents were gone.

There, on the blog post, where a content used to be… What’s that?

It’s the wide gaping hole of nothingness.

Every spot where I used PicApp in good faith is now an empty rectangle. All of those YouTube videos? They have been replaced by even funner messages like:

  • The video uploader made the video private
  • The uploader account no longer exists
  • The video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Sony. (You know, the company that wrote fake reviews of its own movies. They are sticklers for the rule of law.)
  • The video is not allowed in your country.
  • The uploader has restricted playback on your platform.
  • YouTube performed an exorcism of the video. (Only applies to Kirk Cameron while trying to promote his latest narcissistic crappy movie.)
  • Video was deemed “hate speech” after whiny protests by the Church Lady and her cohorts. (Only applies to atheists who are amazing.)

In fact, my research indicates all videos will be removed by YouTube except for the following:

  • Funny video of cat

Now I go back and look at old posts and I, the inimitable author of same, don’t even have a clue what was supposed to be there. And all this time you actually thought you were building something. Ha ha ha ha!

The moral of this story: It’s obvious. Never, never, never include embed any content in your blog posts. That’s the worst mistake you can ever make.

So, effective immediately, I’m renaming this place The Library Of Gaping Holes Formerly Known As Contents. The Library of Alexandria had nothing on this vast repository of suppositories.

Just consider it my gift to you. Feel free to come on back any time you want your head filled with nothing.

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Back that glass up

By Tom B. Taker on | Leave a comment

Thanks to Open Clip Art Library for this image

Props go out to The Reluctant Optimist blog for inspiring this post.

We’ve all heard about this accursed hypothetical glass. Some evil miscreant apparently put liquid in and filled it exactly to the fifty percent capacity level. What nefarious purpose was behind that I can only guess. 🙂

Today’s question:

What are the funnest, funniest or most interesting responses you’ve ever heard to the question: “Is the glass half empty or half full?” If you got nothing, then you can just let us know how you see it.

My personal favorite response has always been, “Neither. I just want to know how big will the spill be when the glass has tipped over!”

Chortle. Whatever. Meh.

In his header image, however, The Reluctant Optimist provides a response that improves on my favorite quite nicely, I think. “The glass can be half empty or half full … as long as there is whiskey in it.”

Whiskey! Hella. Nicely done! I wish I had thought of that. 🙂

Just for giggles I tried the question on our temporary worker. She said, “half full.” So you are an optimist, I replied. “No,” she said. “That’s just how full it is.” Eh? Turns out she didn’t grok the question. She’d never heard the optimism/pessimism angle in regards to that question before. She seriously thought I wanted to know if a hypothetical glass was half full?? LOLZ!

Anyway, please reply to this post with any other responses you may have heard or simply give us your take on this age old question. Just don’t try to tell me anything about a chicken and an egg being able to fit in that glass. I won’t fall for it!

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