Do you need change?
It had been an enjoyable meal. At least until it all went sideways.
The waitress approached our table, looked me directly in the eye and said, “Do you need change?”
Wait. What? You don’t even know me! How dare you?
I had to admit, though. She was right. I did need change. A lot of it. I decided to start with a slice of New York cheesecake (is there any other kind?) drizzled with strawberry syrup.
Luckily 2014 was right around the corner and I’d soon have the opportunity to issue false platitudes and reassuring justifications to myself and pretend that I’d try to improve.
Since she was there, I decided to ask her for her assessment and she gave me the following list.
Continue reading →
People have differing experiences. I’m able to peer far enough past my crumbling walls of self to get that. Most can’t. As much as I would love to live on a planet populated with seven billion copies of myself, I have to be realistic and admit that’s probably not gonna happen.
I think an example is in order.
Some people, or so I’ve heard, are born, raised and live their entire lives in the same house.
“Yep. I’ve lived here my whole life. I’m 86 years old and I’ve never lived anywhere else. Same house, same town. Same, same, same. And it didn’t affect me, either. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to get back to licking the walls. It’s all original paint, baby.”
As a different person, I find the idea of staying in one place to be completely astounding. Unimaginable.
Unfortunately, records of my birth and previous residences were lost in the great fire at the Library of Alexandria, so no one knows my true age or how many times I’ve moved. But it is estimated to be at least one move for every year of my life. And I’m a person who absolutely abhors moving. That explains why it has happened to me so many times.
I just tried a mental exercise in counting. I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of cities where I’ve lived. And I’ve spent time in at least four different states. (I’m talking United States, not altered.)
So, yeah, I did have this dream of picking a spot, putting down some roots, and refusing to move until the day I died. A guru can dream, can’t he?
And I had even picked out the perfect place for it, too. The Taker Ponderosa.
Continue reading →
Guru Comic: Freshly Depressed
The Guru says: Never achieve your dreams because, after that, you’ve got nothing left.
Just a quick blurb, innit? (via Ashley Thinks…)
Ashley Thinks… was one of the first blogs I ever added to my blogroll. It was quite an ingenious move, if I do say so myself.
Alas, WordPress didn’t document the date her blog was added, but I’m clever enough to find another way. I went to my WordPress dashboard and looked at my Links. Once there, I did a mouseover on the entries in my blogroll. Each entry has an “id” value embedded in the URL. These “id” values are created in order. Thus, I was able to determine that the Ashley Thinks… blog counts among the first ten blogs I ever added. That’s some history there! Even back then I could spot real talent.
I have to admit, I have a soft spot for people who think. So the point of this post, quite frankly, is to rip the universe a new one because not enough people seem to know about her blog. Hopefully, now, something I’ve helped to rectify.
Y’all can thank me later.
via Ashley Thinks…