Breaking the poop barrier
ZOMG. Yesterday we went to [gasp] Wal-Mart. Again.
My wife was invited to her cousin’s baby shower. Apparently there was a gift registry at Wal-Mart. My wife wanted to go, so we went.
Not to give away too much of the plot behind this post, but after about five minutes in the store, my wife was overheard to say, “The hell with this fucking place!”
Oh yeah. Now I’m interested. š
The wife had it in her head to get cloth diapers. So to the baby section we went. It was the second time I’d set foot in that area of the store in my life. The first, of course, was the last time she needed baby shower gifts.
She searched and searched and searched and could not find cloth diapers. It was futile. I even helped her. The quest for cloth diapers was epic fail. However, I slowly became aware that there was a shitload of diaper styles to choose from, if you’ll excuse the pun.
Some of them that caught my eye included (and none of these are made up):
- Baby Dry – Erm. Isn’t that the purpose of all diapers? These ones were apparently for “newborns.”
- Natural Fit – Yeah, don’t bother with theĀ unnaturalĀ fit diapers. What are you? Some kind of loser? Your baby wants comfort!
- Snug and Dry – Snug sounds good.
- Little Snugglers – More for the newborn!
- Ultra Leakguards – Um, yeah! Forget dryness. I don’t want pee on me!
- Little Movers – Apparently for babies on the go.
- Supreme Little Movers – For upper class babies on the go?
- Little Movers Jeans – For those delicate times you need your diapers to look like blue jeans.
- Swaddlers Sensitive – Helping a sensitive tushy sounds noble, but where is the snug, dry, blowout, leakguard protection?
- Extra Protection – This one comes with a secret compartment for your handgun.
- Premium Stretch – Your baby must be fat or a descendant of the Fantastic 4
- Boys Underpants – It’s still a diaper but you feel so much more sophisticated and older.
- Ultratrim – Lets air through, presumably to carry smells to innocent passerby.
- Ultratrim Baby-Shaped – OK, who’s the dumb ass that would ever buy the other kind?
- Cruisers Dry Max – Because nothing should say “chicks” like a diaper.
- Overnites – Apparently all of the others can only be worn in the day time.
- Preemies – Gentle umbilical cord care – need we say more? For those who just can’t wait.
- Pure and Natural – That refers to the diaper, not the baby. It’s not easy being green.
- Stages Swaddlers – Start at level 1, gain experience and work your way up!
Note: To keep this list from getting unnecessarily long, all diapers for dogs have been omitted.
Just how many frickin’ kinds of diapers do we need? There was jumbo, chlorine free, touch of aloe, super absorbent, super dry, sensitive, different stages, hugflex, soft and cozy, non-woven tapes, clothlike Ā backsheets, cotton, breathable, gauze-weave fabric,Ā caterpillar-flex, ultra-skin guard liner, mild cosmetic ingredients, super-stretchy closure tabs, and much much more. Just mix and match these terms and you can design your own new line of diapers fit for an American baby, the best babies on earth.
Any idea why the only thing we couldn’t find in the friggin’ story was disposable diapers? My gut tells me it has a little something to do with wanting you to keep coming back again and again for more. If you bought cloth diapers they’d sell much less of them. We must consume and dispose, consume and dispose. Nothing else will do!
Keyboard potpourri
Regularly scheduled blog post interrupted due to keyboard groping
This was not supposed to be my next post. Oh bother.
I just spent some serious time working on my “pay it forward” post regarding some awards I’ve received where the rules state I have to pass on awards to se7en other bloggers and reveal se7en things about myself.
Spoiler alert: Victoria’s Secret. That’s all I’m sayin’.
It turned out to be a lot more work than I was expecting to do that sort of post. I had to think and stuff and everything! So, rather than try to push the post out before its time, I’m switching to keyboard-monkey-mode so I can get something out tonight while I’m still awake.
Here are some random things from my brain. Whatever.
Bear Jamboree
My wife and I ran into another bear today. That’s two bear encounters in three days. Pretty good, huh? I was able to grab this photo.
Television Graveyard?
We parted ways with our Panasonic television today. To recap: We paid $2,400 for the thing over three years ago. It worked about 14 months before it died. When waited over a year and finally took it into the shop earlier this week while on our vacation. The repair estimate came back at $550 which is more than it would cost to buy a new one, so I guess the darn thing is a disposable item. It is pretty sad when repair costs exceed the replacement cost for a completely new item. The repair shop said they’d “recycle” the TV for us so we didn’t even bother to pick it up. I’m sure that means they’ll fix it cheaply and sell it for a profit. I couldn’t help but notice they had used sets for sale in their lobby.
Chef, control thy ingredients!
Lastly, we had lunch today and we’ve finally learned an important lesson about being vegetarians. When placing an order in a restaurant, it is not good enough to simply say “no bacon” or “no ham.” I say this because my wife’s omelette the other day contained some small bits of bacon which is kinda sorta a no-no for vegetarians. Then today her salad had pieces of chicken in it.
My wife picked out several pieces of chicken and showed them to our waitress and boy, did she really care about that. She even said, “Will you be wanting any dessert?” My wife says that place is on her list now. š
You’d think that restaurants would control their ingredients better. No mandarin oranges in the clam chowder, no anchovies in the ice cream, etc. Alas, that seems to be too hard.
So from now on in addition to saying “no bacon” we’re going to add: “We are vegetarians. It must be a vegetarian preparation.” No more confusion and no more accepting anything less than what we order. Dammit.
Fancy Bakery / Four on the Floor
On our recent trip to the big city we visited a special kind of bakery. It is called a patisserie which, of course, is Francais for “fancy bakery.” And at that bakery they served something called petit fours which, of course, is Francais for “cake at $1 a bite.”
Klingon Spring Rolls
Also in the big city we visited a P.F. Changs. For those unfamiliar it’s a “China bistro.” Part of the shtick is that they mix your sauce table-side. Ooooh. I ordered the spring rolls that had the little vegetarian symbol on the menu. My wife, who knows these kinds of things, noticed the outside of the spring rolls were barely warm and the insides were completely without heat. I had to flag down our waitress and ask if the spring rolls were Klingon? She didn’t grok so I elaborated, “You know. A dish best served cold?” Unlike the other restaurant, however, they cared about what we said and brought us hot ones and when we received the bill, they’d taken them off which they certainly didn’t have to do.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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