It had been an enjoyable meal. At least until it all went sideways.

The waitress approached our table, looked me directly in the eye and said, “Do you need change?”

Wait. What? You don’t even know me! How dare you?

I had to admit, though. She was right. I did need change. A lot of it. I decided to start with a slice of New York cheesecake (is there any other kind?) drizzled with strawberry syrup.

Luckily 2014 was right around the corner and I’d soon have the opportunity to issue false platitudes and reassuring justifications to myself and pretend that I’d try to improve.

Since she was there, I decided to ask her for her assessment and she gave me the following list.
Continue reading →