Demo is in the house, yo!

Every morning the guru of negativity loads up his Facebook which pushily insists, “What’s on your mind?”

Oh no. I’m not about to fall for that one.

The people you’ve connected with on Facebook are called “friends.” Laws, yes. Friends. Good one!

Of the various types of content on Facebook, my favorite goes a little something like this:

1. The opening: You want something. State what it is. Ex: “I’m curious how people feel about my sexual organs.”
2. The insult: Get things rolling with a jab at your so-called “friends.” Ex: “I know only approx. 4-1/2 of you ever read my posts.”
3. The hook: Describe the payoff in terms of pleasure centers of the brain that will glow upon compliance. “I’m going to give you a chance to prove your friendship.”
4. The plea: This is the objective, the thing you hope to see accomplished. Ex: “Reply to this with a graphic description of your favorite sexual organ on my body. Sexual organs only, please!”
5. The demanding social element: This is self-explanatory. Ex: “You must then copy this to your own timeline so my ego can grow. Please don’t comment and not copy to your own timeline.”

Out of respect, I’m not going to comment because I have absolutely no intention of following your rules. Thanks for trying to control me, though.

For the record:

1. Yes, I actually read your shit. And I loathe myself for it.
2. You can’t handle the truth. I won’t comment on our alleged “friendship.”
3. It’s news to me that you have sexual organs so I’m unable to comment further.
4. I will decide what pieces of evil hate go on my timeline. Not you. Nice effort, though.
5. A real friend wouldn’t have done this. Thanks for reinforcing my theories.

Has Facebook invented a squelch feature yet or must I continue to be subjected to this crap with a little help from my friends?