That’s no bar! It’s a playground!
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Since the dawn of time philosophers have debated, “What is a bar? What is a restaurant?” Sometimes there are no easy answers. There can be a very fine line between “bar” and “restaurant.”
So what?! Who gives a shit?! What’s in a name?!
Mainly the presence of shitloads of filthy little varmints. That makes this issue one of no small consequence.
As always I will cover all points of view as if to give the reader an understanding of the issue. I will be fair. I will be impartial. I will be partially inebriated.
Also, as always, illumination will be provided by Wikipedia:
A bar is a retail business establishment that serves alcoholic drinks — beer, wine, liquor, and cocktails — for consumption on the premises.
A restaurant is a business which prepares and serves food and drink to customers in return for money …
There we were in a mystery business of some sort. Was it a “bar” or a “restaurant?” Let’s find out. It’s Litmus Test Time boys and girls!
My bimonthly meltdown
The calm of the office was shattered by a harried shout. “What does bimonthly mean?” someone wanted to know.
Co-worker Nardz immediately yelled out one possible answer. “It means twice a month!” she spurted.
42 nanoseconds later I followed with my response as well. “It means every other month!”
Why we were yelling in an office that’s smaller than the den in an averaged sized home I’ll never know.
Of course the two of them ganged up against me and decided that “bimonthly” meant twice a month. Friggin’ dumbasses.
So I turned back to my computer and punched up the dictionary. Then I got the shock of my life. I wasn’t entirely correct.
I quickly checked for my other definition, too. “Having gay sex once a month.” Nope. Not there, either!
Anywho, the dictionary rather waffled on the matter, I thought. “What the hell?” I grumbled. What’s the point of it even being a word. Who decides this shit?
Wikipedia will know what to do, I thought.
Because of the ambiguity of this word, it is best to avoid it. Instead, use twice a month or every two months as appropriate.
Damn. This bimonthly shit is serious. They’ve even got Wikipedia bamboozled.
To take a negative view (if I may) perhaps the correct interpretation should be based on context. In other words, the meaning of the word defaults to whatever meaning is the least desirable. Some examples:
- Me and the Mrs. get jiggy with it on a regular bimonthly basis – no matter what! (Obviously every other month.)
- You’ll need bimonthly root canals for the next seven years, the dentist said. (Obviously twice a month.)
- You want to see the kid? Fine. Enjoy your bimonthly visitation! (Mmm. Not sure about this one. Be careful what you wish for.)
So now I’ve got that word “bimonthly” locked and loaded in my shotgun of wit. I love to doublespeak and pull off puns on the brainlessly unsuspecting. If there’s a word I can wheel out to spur ambiguity you can bet your ass I’m gonna use it.
At the very least, I plan to do it bimonthly. You have been warned.
Word of the day: holiday
Sometimes you get lucky. Yeah, sure you do.
Like this morning. The drive to work was downright delightfully free of the normal homicidal traffic. “Must be my lucky day,” I thought to myself.
Ha! How naive. Would someone please take a Lousiville Slugger to my skull and wake me up from my stupidity. I lost mind mind, just for a moment, and forgot my powers of negativity.
This afternoon when the mail carrier failed to pick our outgoing crappy widgets it finally dawned on me.
Today is some sort of holiday!
D’oh! That’s right. Today is go-out-and-by-some-shit day. Hello, my name is Abyss and I’ll be your shit vendor today.
Argh! What I stupidly thought was “luck” was actually the exact opposite. I was the poor sap at work while most everyone else was enjoying a bonus day off.
holiday – a day that you go to work like always while most everyone else gets to relax.
Word of the day: insurance
Welcome to another new feature here on the blog: The Demotivational Dictionary. This is where we take a normal everyday word and strip it down to what it really means and/or look at it in a whole new light.
insurance – the most crass form of gambling invented by humans so far.
Bonus: This post, by the way, is a “tier-2” blog post. That means it is my second blog post on the same day – somewhat of a rarity around here.