Why is Bob smiling?
Meet Bob.
Bob is smiling. Keep reading to find out why.
Bob has a job and a boss. He is required to work on Thanksgiving Day and the Friday after. If he refuses, he will lose his job.
When Bob works over 40 hours a week, he does not receive overtime pay. He’s exempt. Bob doesn’t receive overtime if he works over an eight-hour shift.
Even though he’s a full-time employee, Bob does not receive “benefits” from his employer like health insurance, pension, or 401(k).
Night Shrift
Tom’s Law #42
Want to know who’s really in charge? Wait for the shit to go down and just watch.
Every year or so the stories briefly get featured on the evening news like a blip on a gloomy green radar screen then are as quickly forgotten. Until the next study is released or, worse, some human bodies are asploded. Now that’s news.
Think of a list of professions where you’d really like people to be fully rested and alert. Airline pilots? Air traffic control? Doctors? Truck drivers?
Nice list. Congratulations. You just came up with a list of people that we fuck the most. Logical, right?
This week, again, the issue of employee fatigue was in the news. The FAA commissioned a study on air traffic controller fatigue. The results are none too surprising. Then the government fought for four years to keep the findings secret.
“Psst. Hey dude. I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse. You pay top dollar for me to conduct a study about how I’m fucking you over. Then I keep the results secret from you. Sounds like fun, right?”
What could possibly be going on here? Luckily I got a good night’s sleep.
No GMO
It helps to know some Lonely Island to get the joke in the subject line. -Ed
The citizen initiative in Oregon that would require labeling of GMO foods is polling very tight. It’s still within the margin of error and the undecideds but the nays appear to be holding an ever-so slight lead over the ayes. It is already the most expensive initiative in Oregon’s history. The nay money is pouring in by the millions. Companies like Monsanto, PepsiCo, Mead Johnson and Dow AgroSciences. Isn’t that telling?
As this process is proceeding apace, I thought I’d take a few moments to splice one last point on this important issue.
One thing is being made excruciatingly clear. The people who make food don’t want you to know what the fuck is in there. They don’t want you to know how it’s made. They don’t want you to see how they treat animals. (See so-called Ag Gag laws.) They want to hide unpleasant-sounding ingredients, things they know you decidedly do not want to hear about, behind clever euphemisms like “natural flavors.”
Which would you rather eat? All new fortified Tasty Anus or “natural flavors.” Gosh golly gee willickers. What sounds better in your tummy?
So I thought it over and decided, what if the debate was presented like this?
Suppose I was the food industry and I invited you over to my place for dinner.
I might try to do something nice, assuming I actually gave a shit about you, and find out if you have deadly allergies, like peanuts. After all, I’m not out to kill you, right? I want you to enjoy your meal.
Maybe you tell me that you don’t like yams. Are you allergic? No. Will it kill you? No. You simply don’t like them. That’s all.
How should I react to your humble request? What are my options?
Well, I could honor you as a person and forgo the ingredient. Hahahah! Thanks for the tripe laugh! We all know that’s not gonna fucking happen. Seriously, I didn’t just fall off the pesticide-resistant turnip truck yesterday.
Don’t be so goddamned naive. My dinner is a business. It’s kill or be killed. Nothing matters except profits.
What choices does that leave me?
I could simply say, “I’m not telling. Are there yams in here? You’ll never know!!!” That’s called being a good host.
My other option is lie. Hide it. Distract. Obsfucate.
What would you do? Isn’t this a nice way to treat each other? Doesn’t this sort of attitude help make the world a better place?
I make. You eat. Shut the hell up about it. I’m your host, Mr. GMO. By the way, I can’t believe you ate that. Ha ha ha!
My lies and hate. It’s what’s for dinner.
We Are The Hurled
The Law of Biology states:
An organism will do anything it can.
The hypothetical and highly imaginary Law of Ethics states:
Just because you can do a thing doesn’t mean you should.
BZZT! Shock administered to test subject. The word “should” is disallowed. You lose a turn. Go back to START.
Okay. How far back should I go?
Hmm. No need to be excessive. How about the day your slimy species grew legs, became amphibious and hauled itself up out of the primordial ooze and lay panting on the beach?
So yeah, the other day I became embroiled in a discussion on Twitter about free speech. It all started when a person I follow stated they were under attack by some haters. Not only that, but she had just written a piece about how the haters were attacking her supporters, too. Hate by proxy, I guess. Adding my two cents, I responded with this pearl of wisdom:
“You have the right to your voice. Online harassers shouldn’t be allowed to operate with impunity.”
Naturally, as if to prove her point, I picked up some criticism of my own. I then got involved in a surprisingly civil discussion about the perils of too much free speech and what, if anything, constitutes “hate speech.” I began by asking my new-found critic a simple question: Where do YOU draw the line on anonymous online free speech?
His reply? “I don’t. Sticks and stones…”
No limits on free speech? None??? Such is the world of absolutes that some find friendly. This got me to thinking. Twitter, alas, was too limiting of a medium to try to explore some complicated concepts, so this post was born.
What would a world with no limits on free speech look like? Warning: This isn’t going to be pretty.
Continue reading →
Demonically Repossessed
This is a true story…
It all started when I loaned a friend a hammer. A hammer is a tool typically used for driving metal objects known as nails into various materials like wood. Or so I’ve heard.
For the purpose of this story let’s assume I actually owned a hammer.
If we wanted to (and were sufficiently sick in the head) we could think of this loan as a transaction. The hammer represents the principle, my friend is the debtor and I must be, of course, the bank.
It isn’t too hard to assume my friend is a debtbeat deadbeat and never returned the bloody thing. Amazingly, even though I dunned him many, many times, and threatened to assess late fees of 1.5 percent on a monthly basis.
Finally that worthless so-and-so left me no recourse. After consulting my voluminous and most accurate scribbles documentation, I looked up his address and drove across town. I was literally seeing red. My goal? To retrieve the hammer and write the dude off as my friend.
I kicked in his door, tore the place apart, and, having found my precious hammer, I got the hell out of dodge.
The only problem? I made the totally understandable mistake of going to the wrong house. The hammer I repossessed wasn’t even mine. In my defense, it was of similar design. Oops. My bad.
Continue reading →
Crowbar Ranch: Ag-Gag Update
Some of the most successful posts on this humble blog pertained to Crowbar Ranch. That’s the term I came up with in 2010 for Conklin Dairy Farms where an employee was videotaped abusing animals.
It’s time for a very, very disturbing and frightening update. For those of us who were left wondering how industry might respond, now we have our answer.
Industry groups and forces with deep pockets and with purchased politicians in tow have joined forces to push for laws that will criminalize the act of secretly videotaping animal abuse.
Yes, you read that right. Industry could have responded by saying, “We are outraged. These cases are outlier events. We are eager police ourselves and prove that industry can be responsible. This sort of activity will never be tolerated.”
They could have done that. They didn’t. Instead they unleashed their lobbyists and let the money flow to politicians who now support draconian industry-sponsored legislation.
Stop animal abuse or attempt to stop those who attempt to uncover it? That’s a tough choice for some. The farm industry is basically saying, “We want the right and the protection for animal abuse to continue. And we will do whatever it takes to protect this status quo. Even labeling those who seek to expose the truth as criminals and terrorists.”
Is it too much to ask that an industry that profits from animals should be expected to treat the animals responsibly? Industry steps up and emphatically responds, “Yes!!! That is too much to ask.”
Sad.
It’s not just about the animals, either. Some experts have speculated about the deleterious effects to the food supply and the risk it poses to the health of human beings. As usual we are more than willing to cut off our noses to spite our faces if, while in the process, we can make a few bucks.
Transparency is the best weapon against this sort of thing. Most forms of evil thrive best in the seclusion of privacy.
So called “Ag-Gag” laws criminalize attempts to discover animal abuse by means of secret videotape, failure to disclose ties to animal rights groups during the hiring process, and require all video to be turned over to police within 24-48 hours, etc. (The latter eliminates the power of viral videos.) A bill in Arkansas seeks to prevent “harm” to a “livestock or poultry operation.” Animal abuse is acceptable but don’t try to harm a sacred cow like an “operation.” (Rhymes with “corporation.”)
Last year, Missouri, Utah and Iowa passed ag-gag laws. There are now five states with ag-gag laws on the books.
In a bit of good news, three states (New Mexico, New Hampshire and Wyoming) killed proposed ag-gag legislation this year.
Even so, more states are currently considering getting on board in the ag-gag game: Arkansas, California (the land of “happy” cows), Indiana, Nebraska, Pennsylvania, Tennessee and Vermont (the home of Ben & Jerry’s).
Without the power of video people will still have the right to report what they see. And we all know how that story turns out. They’ll be fired, harassed, maligned and marginalized and caught in a He Said, She Said situation where nothing of any value will ever happen. Industry thinks of that outcome as the freedom to operate with total impunity.
Behold the power of the agricultural lobbies. They can take fast, swift and decisive action when they are in the mood. Unfortunately they have opted to use this power for ill. It’s enough to make me sick to my stomach.
Important reading:
Shouts from the Abyss 
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