Tag Archives: corruption

She Shoots! She Bores!

women-sports

Getting ready to bore you.

I used to live in a small rural conservative town. Against impossible odds a few dozen acres of prime real estate were somehow exempted from feverish development for a “sports park.” The community took understandable pride in what they had built: a crowning jewel featuring baseball diamonds, fishing ponds, soccer fields, tennis courts, volleyball and more.

Finally the local amateur sport leagues had a place where they could shine and participate in the time-honored activity of athletic competition. The facility was promptly used as a means of gender-based oppression by giving all the best time slots to the boy leagues. Girl leagues were relegated to sloppy seconds.

Thanks for playing.

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Stark Market

This is what my home office looks like. That's my stunt double.

This is my home office. That’s my stunt double.

If you came here expecting to learn about Winterfell please hold still while my dire wolves rip out your throat. For the rest of us, it’s time to explore the heady world of the stock market and high finance. BYOC. (Bring Your Own Cocaine.)

After yesterday’s false cheer I feel so dirty. It’s time to come clean. I’m gonna tell you how the shit works. All of it.

Disclaimer: I’m not big on introspection. I have never taken stock. I’m just a humble social scientist. These are my findings.

Allow me to introduce GUNT. That stands for Grand Unified Negativity Theory. GUNT is my life’s work. It’s a model that attempts to explain the sum total of human behavior.

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Turds of a Feather

Credit: Some asshole with an iPod.

Credit: Some asshole with an iPod.

Did you notice? Yesterday I didn’t try to pull any of that April Fool’s Day crap on you. I respected you as a person. That simple act of mature restraint elevated me above the likes of Google and the makers of Minecraft. For hate’s sake I claim the higher ground.

The higher ground is mine! Neener, neener, neener. In yo face!

And now I’ve lost it again. Excuse me a moment while I crawl back under the bottom of this barrel here. Ah, there’s no place like home.

Feather Flags: Empirical proof that capitalistic greed grabs take far more precedence than the visual appearance of a community.
–Tom B. Taker

Why not make an entire community look like the inner ring of a toilet when it can make a few assholes a few extra bucks, right?

I give you the humble feather flag (genus flapus fuckus).
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Great Google-y Moogly!

There’s an urban myth that states: A frog thrown in water hot enough to be lethal will leap out and live to leap again another day. But a frog put in regular water that is slowly heated will remain blissfully unawares and hang around until … wait for it … he croaks.

Truth be told, I’ve been feeling a lot like the protagonist, our hero, The Frog. And the nemesis, the hot water? Our very own beloved Google.

As time went by I found myself in “hot water” more and more often. First Google offered to turn my bread into toast. Then it offered to butter that toast. Now all of the sudden it is picking out the jams and even puts it in my mouth and chews for me.

All I have to do is swallow. Isn’t that convenient?
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