Tag Archives: corporations

It puts it in its mouth and masticates

Hyppo and CritterYesterday I wrote a Hyppo and Critter about a ballot initiative in The Great State of Washington. (See the clickable inset image top right.)  I wish to elaborate.

According to the official ballot measure summary:

This measure would require foods produced entirely or partly with genetic engineering, as defined, to be labeled as genetically engineered when offered for retail sale in Washington, beginning in July 2015. The labeling requirement would apply generally to raw agricultural commodities, processed foods, and seeds and seed stock, with some exceptions, but would not require that specific genetically-engineered ingredients be identified. The measure would authorize state enforcement and civil penalties, and allow private enforcement actions.

Source: Wikipedia – Washington Initiative 522, 2012

The Washington legislature failed to act on this item, so it will be presented to voters on the November 5, 2013 general election ballot.

Let them eat yellowcake! But let no force in the universe require us to tell them what we used as ingredients. (Hint: It rhymes with spit.)
–Yellowcake Producers of Abyss Hidden Crevice Ranch

I live in Portland, Oregon, so I’m a poor son of a bitch getting blasted by big money advertising in regards to this issue. That’s how it pierced my filter bubble. But more on that later.
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Riff City: The Economy of War

Some guy named Riff Raff.

Some guy named Riff Raff.

It’s another Feckless Friday so I’ve decided to riff on a theme. Today’s theme: Us and Them – Workplace Style.

“Us” is those who work. Those who do what they are supposed to do as productive members in this society. The we who produce goods and services. Why, without us, there would be a lot less widgets in the world. Imagine a world without so much plastic fake vomit and whoopee cushions and what not? Shudder.

“Them” is those who profit from the labor of others. You might think of them as the 1%. The political elite. The bankers and CEOs. The people who work the least and benefit the most from a system designed to convert the Earth’s resources into profits for a few. Or, on a more personal level, you may choose to put this face on someone must more close and personal like the boss.

I recently had my “Aha! Moment” (sponsored by Mutual of Omaha, a fucking insurance company of all things). I tweeted my great moment of clarity and awareness and the world took no notice. Nary a retweet. Nay, not even a star. As your humble proprietor here in the Abyss, I reserve the right to shove my unloved tweet in your face:

Okay. Enough about that. What else is going on in the world of economics, work, labor, job and bosses? Remember, I did promise to riff. I guess I’d better get on my black velcro-strapped riffin’ shoes. I’m about to boogie down.

Warning: It’s quite possible I don’t really know what “riff” means.
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Just spew it

OK, I just checked my feet. My sneakers say “Skechers.” It is safe for me to proceed with this post. Whew!

It seems to me it is dangerous to wrap your company’s image and marketing around an individual human being. By definition humans are fallible and do some really stupid and freaky shiat. Sometimes it works out, but then again, sometimes it doesn’t.

Once thing is clear, though. Nike loves Tiger Woods. At the time when Tiger went out and did his bit of douchebaggery flair, Nike Corporation had this to say:

“Tiger and his family have Nike’s full support. We respect Tiger’s request for privacy and our thoughts are with Tiger and his family at this time.”

Privacy? Riiiiight. Just how far deep in the sand can Nike stick their head? If that is example of Nike wisdom at work I’m surprised the company is able to turn a profit. Hopefully their business decisions that actually matter show slightly more intelligence. Come on, Nike, get with it! Millions of Asian kids overseas are counting on you for continued employment.

Check that again. FULL SUPPORT. That seems pretty damn unequivocal to me. Of course, that’s how the game is played, right? Everyone always proclaims “full support” right up to the exact second they dump your ass. New drama and sitcom television shows are advertised by the networks as “the hit of the season” and “critics rave” right up to the moment they are canceled … and sometimes beyond. When the classical music preempts regular programming in Russia, the citizens are repeatedly told the president is fine, right up to the moment it’s announced that he’s actually dead. We even got another taste of that this week when the alleged mistress of Tiger vehemently denied everything. Right up to the point where she admitted it was true.

Maybe it’ll be that way with Nike and Tiger, too. Or maybe Nike will stick to their moral high ground and support their corporate trademark buddy no matter what on that slippery slope with their new super traction non-slip shoes!

Question: At what point do adults stop acting like teenagers lying through their teeth? “Gee whiz, mom. I think the thing that hurts the most is that you just don’t believe me. Whaaaaaa!” Somebody dial up 911 for the whambulance.

So, Nike supports Tiger’s family. Goodie. I’m curious, though. Does that include his extended family of mistressi? (Is that the proper form of plural for “mistress?”) Does it include the illegitimate children that might be out there that we haven’t heard about yet?

I’m sorry, Nike, but I’m not about to support a company that tacitly approves of cheating on your spouse. I love Mrs. Abyss too much for that.

More Beatles songs to be used in marketing

Beatles all pimped out, yoNow that the  Beatles library has been whored out to the highest bidder, I thought we could brainstorm more uses for the library. Here are some ideas:

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
Americans For Prosperity

Bang! Bang! Maxwell’s silver hammer
Came down on her head.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell’s silver hammer
Made sure she was dead.
Sears Craftsman Tools

She’s so heavy…
Jenny Craig Weight Loss Centers

Why don’t we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us.
Why don’t we do it in the road?

Goodyear Tires and/or Mr. Goodwrench

Sitting a corn flake, waiting for the van to come
Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes

Well, she was just 17,
You know what I mean,
And the way she looked was way beyond compare.
So how could I dance with another (ooh)
When I saw her standin’ there.

Roman Polanski legal defense team

I’m trying to think of more, but I’m stumped. What others can you come up with???