Tag Archives: clue

Mi Casa Su Causality

By Tom B. Taker on | 9 Comments

anchorman-milk-was-a-bad-choice-300x239Selected pairing for this post: Enjoy!
http://explosm.net/comics/3355/

Hey, thanks for having me over. I hope you don’t mind, but you did say, “Make yourself at home.”

So I:

  • Performed maximum quaffage on every partial bottle of whiskey.
  • Deleted all West Wing from your DVR and recorded a full season of Honey Boo Boo.
  • Adjusted the hot water heater to maximum.
  • Rubbed every towel on my butt rather than use toilet paper.
  • Let your cat outside.
  • Used your wi-fi to download the entire Metallica library with BitTorrents.
  • Dug your coffee can of cash out of the backyard.
  • Unlocked the windows and the side door on the garage.
  • Licked your ketchup bottle clean.
  • Went “two turntables and a microphone” on your collection of LPs.
  • Pushed over your hoarding piles in the garage and took a nap.
  • Spent your remaining iTunes balance on Demi Lovato.
  • Cleaned my genitals with your toothbrush.
  • Used your mom’s ashes to refill the litter box.

Don’t be angry. All of these are considered normal back home.

Posted in: fail | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Snot

By Tom B. Taker on | 13 Comments

puzzleIt’s been a long, long time since I generated a puzzle.

All you have to do is figure out what’s going on in this excerpted column of numbers. Any bean counters out there? This is a great way to spend your free time.

Don’t bother searching for help. Even the almighty Google is powerless to help you here.

Let’s roll!

293964673
843711893
934911548
657511668
675385661
629282665
428252383
827272787
137477727
111774723
111167338
111185574
111166766
111156824
111122114
111177114
111126116
111199116
625268916
628863136
634362136
832337832
433338138
533333933
433333633
433333133
433333833
611179566
211159619
911187516
111111316
111111114
111111117
111111115
111111113
111111111
Posted in: ftw | Tagged: , , , , ,

This Is The One Where I Save Your Life

By Tom B. Taker on | 2 Comments

Me vs. car? I like those odds!

After three years of daily posting I was recently honored by WordPress who featured my article about China on their Freshly Pressed page. As a result of that freak accident I picked up a few new friends as subscribers. Welcome! I’m a Fresh Maker.

For all my friends, both freshly new and old/busted, today I will reveal arcane knowledge that will, if heeded, save your life. I can single-handedly make you remain a viable member of the elite group known as “still alive.”

Interested? Read on! And unlike some people, after I’ve saved your life my demands on your servitude will barely be noticeable. You won’t even know I’m here.
Continue reading →

Posted in: fail, feckless friday, ftw | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,