Tag Archives: clown

What Does The Rich Say?

If wealthy enough you start believing your own hype and thinking shit like this is a good idea.

Get wealthy enough and you start believing your own hype and thinking shit like this is a good idea.

Earlier I espoused my pet theory (my precious!) that the odds of being an asshole increase exponentially with the acquisition of wealth. For example, if someone is in the top one percent there’s an asshole threshold (AT) of 99 percent. For the top .01 percent that grows to 99.99 percent.

I said at the time I said that I thought extreme wealth was a function of “lie, cheat and steal (LCS).”

Is it a chicken and egg kind of thing? Are people in the top .01 percent because they were born with LCS? Or was LCS something they had to learn to get there? Chicken and egg.

Thinking about this, I thought to myself, “If only there was some way to know.”

Then I realized that an existing data study might be useful. But what existing data is available? How about words taken right out of their own mouths? Perhaps that might provide some insight into their character and world view.

Case Study – Ray Kroc

Ray Kroc was a “restauranteur” and founder of McDonalds Corporation and included in Time: The 100 Most Important People of the Century. Perhaps not in the .01 percent Kroc was still considerably wealthy, worth about $500 million when he died in 1984. The Kroc family now has an estimated worth of $1.7 billion.

Suffice it say he’s sold a few “hamburgers” and made a few bucks. Let’s see what he has to say.

If any of my competitors were drowning, I’d stick a hose in their mouth and turn on the water. It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I’ll kill ’em, and I’m going to kill ’em before they kill me. You’re talking about the American way – of survival of fittest.

–Ray Kroc

Source: Bloomsbury Business Library – Business Thinkers & Management Giants (2007)

Wow. He truly sounds like a great guy. I think we’re ready for the peer review process to begin.

I’m updating my hypothesis. I’ll bet dollars to donuts that wealthy people say all sorts of the darnedest things. Like upside-down Weebles, they have an overly-inflated sense of self and think they can’t fall down. That’s when they’re at their quotable best. (See: Sterling, Donald.) It’s almost like they get off on exposing themselves. As if to say, “See what I can do? I don’t just have all the money. I can also do this. What are you going to do about it? Ha ha ha.”

Can you find other compelling examples of what the rich say?

Strip Maul

What has been porcine cannot be unporcine.

What has been porcine cannot be unporcine.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but bacon on a hamburger has been a thing for quite some time, right? Now fast food outlets are running advertising on steroids acting like it’s something utterly new.

Somebody better get this burger a little fedora. I smell a trend.

“Get bacon in your burger” a bulbous clown-head thing boisterously sings on TV.

Why? Is there anything even remotely new about combining hamburgers and bacon? Just how significant is the difference between bacon on a burger and bacon in a burger? On vs. in. That’s the eternal question, isn’t it? If the researchers at a fast food restaurant are to be believed, it’s certainly something to crow about. (Coming soon.)

First they demonstrate a freak of nature they’ve developed in their labs. It’s called “Bork.” Yes, he’s half beef, half pork. He’s a cute little critter that mostly looks like a pig, but has the markings of a cow and even horns. Talk about DNA recombinations and GMO!
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Ronald McDonald is a fugitive of justice

My meat is top choice, I swear! Chicks in New York pay top dollar for my meat! Do you have to cuff me?

BUN Transcript – Tuesday, July 12, 2010



OFFICER BIG MAC, CHIEF OF POLICE, McDONALDLAND PLAYGROUND: Mr. McDonald is a fugitive of justice right now.


ANDROID COOPER: BUN has obtained this police sting footage, recently released by Mayor McCheese, of celebrity fast food motivational speaker and spokesperson Ronald McDonald:

RONALD McDONALD: What you need man? Fries? I can get ’em. Burgers? Fuck that chick, Wendy, bro. Her shit is square. Trust me. You don’t want that. I got the round patties you want.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What about your little criminal friend? I don’t want no problems, man.

RONALD McDONALD: Hamburgler? Ah shit, man. I barely know the motherfucker. Listen, I’m a busy man. How many keys of fries you want? I can get ’em.



That’s just my way of sayin’ I’ve got some happy funland news from the world of McDonalds.

First, did you know that there is an alternative to french fries in a Happy Meal? They are apple slices, or what McDonalds likes to call Apple Dippers. They did a study and it turns out that 93% of the time researchers who ordered a Happy Meal were simply given french fries and not informed about the apple slice option.

Not content to simply serve apple slices, the Apple Dippers product comes with a “low fat caramel sauce.” Nutrition information is 99 calories for a three ounce serving.

Meanwhile a group known as the Center for Science in the Public Interest said it will sue McDonalds for “unfairly and deceptively” marketing toys to children. The group gave McDonalds 30 days to voluntarily stop selling toys. McDonalds, of course, signaled they’ll do no such thing and responded that they “couldn’t disagree more” that they were not guilty of violating any laws and demanded an apology from the group.

Offering a different perspective, Mike Huckabee offered up a “heap of praise and admiration” for McDonalds and called the group’s threatened lawsuit “pin-headed pressure.”

Also involving food and toys, the Santa Clara County board of supervisors recently voted to ban fast food restaurants from giving away toys with “children’s meals that exceed set levels of calories, fat, salt and sugar.”

Poor Ronald McDonald. Even his dog Sundae isn’t on speaking terms with him anymore and the fry guys no longer come over to hang out at his house. If he’s not careful he may end up in the slammer with his known associate the Griddler who is serving hard time for stealing McGriddles.

Please enjoy the musical selection that our chef has paired with this article.