Hyppo and Critter: Bottom Top Charity
Critter don’t seek the limelight. Remember, he’s just a humble average department store worker.
But it can be a little hard to swallow when he sees Hyppo jaunting to and fro metropolises in his Learjet, drinking champaign, eating caviar, and getting hospital wings erected with his name embossed on the side.
Who’s the true hero here?
Source assumptions used for mathematical calculations:
- Hyppo, the CEO, earns 1,795 times more than average Critter. See: Bloomberg.com – CEO Pay 1,795-to-1 Multiple of Wages Skirts U.S. Law
- I didn’t invent the charitable giving rates used in this strip. See: NPR – As We Become Richer, Do We Become Stingier?
Disclaimer: This strip assumes that Hyppo and Crittter worked the same number of hours per year. In real life we all know that would be a heaping bunch o’ bullshit.
Basket Weaving for Dummies
I apologize in advance if you came here actually expecting information regarding basket weaving. My misleading headline has lead you astray. I sincerely apologize for wasting your time. At least there aren’t 42 self-loading videos on this page. I guess it could have been worse. –Ed
For a fun mental exercise I will often take modern situations and problems and try to extend them, in my own inimitable fashion, to a hypothetical construct in my mind loosely based on my concept and interpretation of an indigenous people’s village.
Does this make good sense? Is it accurate? Does it result in increased understanding of how things work? Is it, in even the slightest way, particularly useful? Perhaps not, but I enjoy it and besides, it’s my brain. That’s the one place on this planet where I get to make the rules. No wonder it’s so crazy in there.
—
One day there was a visitor to the village who observed two people sitting on the ground and weaving some baskets. It was clear they were not equally skilled at the task.
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The French Predilection
This post is dedicated to a friend of a friend. You know who you are…
Team America is about to unload a can of whoop-ass-sized Freedom Fries ™ on your Roquefort. Yeeeeeeee-haw!
U.S. CEO Blasts French Work Habits
–A frothy headline from the “We Hate Obama’s Guts” edition of the Wall Street Journal
Can I re-write the headline?
U.S. Money Eater Blasts Cheese Eaters, Claims Currency Is ‘Ten Times More Delicious’ Than Fromage
—The Daily Abyssian Union Picayune Herald Register Times Tribune Weekly
Roquefort is under attack. Roquefort will be defended!!!
It all started when the CEO of a U.S. tire manufacturer published a letter in a French newspaper criticizing the work habits of French workers and, responding to the notion of buying a former Goodyear tire plant, stating: “How stupid do you think we are?”
To be honest, I’d happily respond to that question but I doubt he’d be able to understand the answer. Héh héh héh héh héh!!!
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Sexism? Yahoo!
Yesterday, during my exclusive coverage of the Yahoo baby flap, I neglected to cover a key point. So exclusive team coverage continues today. Besides, most of you didn’t even notice I posted. Perhaps if I cover the same topic two days in a row I’ll have a shot.
This week, Yahoo announced the selection of their new CEO. Marissa Mayer, a long-time Yahoo employee, takes over with a compensation package that will reportedly pay her more than $100 million over five years based on performance.
Marissa takes over as CEO of the troubled company and fills the position vacated recently by former Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson. In January 2012 Thompson became the CEO. By May 2012, Thompson was shown the door after questions were raised about discrepancies on the resume he provided. On the resume was a computer degree that Thompson did not actually have.
In other words, he lied. Or in modern parlance, he “padded his resume.” Or, for the cutsey among you, “resume malfunction.”
The reaction from Wall Street was interesting.
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Yahoo CEO has a baby, Wall Street has kittens
Wall Street Kitten says, “WTF? LOLZ!”
New Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is pregnant. Cue the Star Wars Empire Strikes Back music.
“I am your mommy.”
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
For once the mainstream media gets it right with a finessed balance of coverage. I just culled these headlines, at random, from Google News. In the urn, this is the cream that rose to the top. I did not go digging or cherry pick these headlines.
- Who Has It Easier, a Pregnant CEO or a Pregnant Maid?
- Marissa Mayer hinted at what she’ll do at Yahoo — in 2010
- She’s Feeling Lucky
- Forbes writer to Mayer: You can’t have it all
- Pregnant Yahoo CEO ignites maternity debate
And last, but certainly not least:
The Pregnant CEO: Should You Hate Marissa Mayer?
It almost is enough to make one wonder, “Holy fucking shit? What the hell just happened here?”
Yahoo!!!!!!
Q. What’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys and the Hewlett-Packard board of directors combined?
A. I don’t know, but former Yahoo! CEO Scott Thompson gives it the old college try (heh!) and comes very close.
In case you don’t know how to use search engines and/or you’ve been living under a rock, here’s the story in a nutshell. The details may shock you. This exposé will pull back the curtain and expose the disturbing realities of human behavior. Like lifting that rock up and out of the soil, the potato bugs and grubs are about to scatter.
There once was a man who wanted a job. And on that man there was a resumé. And on that resumé there was a lie. And on that lie there was a flea. (Oops. I went one too far.)
Yes, this is the age-old story of the American dream, because, yes, that man got the job. He was a bootstrapper who set his sights on the prime time. He pulled the trigger and got er’ done. Do or do not. There is no try. Bring home the bacon and fry it in a pan.
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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