Diane, I’m holding in my hand a
small box of chocolate bunnies used Green Day Shenanigans CD (circa 2002). This is Green Day before the era of American Idiot and 21st Century Breakdown. Early post-modern Green Day. Cubism. This is Green Day in the raw.
And I’m giving it away. For free. It’s contest time in the Abyss once again, although this one is a bit more real than most.
Introducing our first ever Poetry
Slam Slum Contest!
So there I was at the trendy #PDX music store and I saw a Green Day CD. Was it already in my collection? Dammit. I couldn’t remember! Thinking I had possibly scored gold, I bought the thing and brought it home.
My self-induced misfortune is your gain. You could win this thing!
Use the comment section below. Slum some of your original work into the space I’ve thoughtfully provided. It must be “poetry” of some sort. It can rhyme. It can be freeform. It can be a haiku. It can be a sonnet, a bonnet or a ballad. Hell, I’ll even accept limericks if that’s all you got. Wimp.
Anything poetic goes. If you have a poetic license this is the time to take it out for a spin. Shenanigans are on the line!
You must be 18 or older to play. No purchase necessary. I am the Poetry Slum commissioner and my decisions are final. Winner will be determined by any means necessary up to and including Ouija Board. Open to persons in the United States only. Winner must provide a valid shipping address or no CD. The prize is a real physical object that takes up space in the universe and I want it gone. I reserve the right to make up more rules as I see fit.
Entries must be timestamped on this blog before September 1, 2014.
Just in time for the holidays…
Is the holiday season making your spirits too bright? If you find yourself feeling goodwill towards men, this new classic holiday CD might just help. Pop it in the old music machine and shatter some peace on Earth, won’t you?
Deck your fellow man instead of those pesky halls!
Not available in any stores!
Now how much would you pay?
Only 24 easy payments of $2.99. Operators are standing by. Don’t visit the Shopping Maul and punch women in the face just for the chance to own this fabulous bit of Christmas musical history. Ordering factory direct from China is available on our pimped out web site.
Come on! Step up and order today, but only if you’ve got the jingle balls to make a consumption decision that will change your life — forever! (All sales final.)
Includes classic downer hits like:
- Christmas at Ground Zero
- Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)
- Red Water (Christmas Mourning)
- Santa Claus is Coming to Town?
- A Long December
- Merry Fucking Christmas
- Walking Round in Women’s Underwear
- If We Make it Through December
- Offensive Bonus – Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
- Hyppo’s Bonus Pick – I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
- Critter’s Bonus Pick – A Cat Carol
Critics fucking rave:
It’s a breadth of freth aire.
—Some guy we paid who consented to us paraphrasing his words
Songs from the Abyss cured my holiday cheer in no time at all!
—Grandmother Taker (shortly before her most recent stroke)
That’s 45 minutes of my life I’ll never get back and I couldn’t be happier!
—Our recording engineer
I hope you’ll enjoy these timeless Christmas classics as my precious gift to you. Ho ho ho.
Hey boys and girls. There is no such thing as a free lunch. However, right now, today, as I write this, you can download a CD from the group SINIZEN … and it’s absolutely free!
Still here? 🙂
I got mine. Did you get yours? Better click the link and get your free download while they still last. You can come back and read the rest of my blather once you’ve secured that payload. Priorities, priorities!
How often can you get anything free these days? But if you act fast, it’s yours. I have no idea how long this will last. Seriously. Do … it … now.
I’m not exactly sure how to describe SINIZEN. I can’t seem to find a description for them on the web and – what? – no Wikipedia page yet? Seriously, someone should make one! I’d describe them as tasty licks with a reggae flavor. Someone can do much better than that, I’m sure.
So I told you where to get a free album. That’s my good deed for the day. Peace. Out.
Oh, and I put my thinking cap on, and for the life of me I can’t think of the seven deadly zens. Anyone got a list?
Update: I found their group profile.
SINIZEN is a four piece reggae rock group from Huntington Beach. Started by 3 friends, Kevin, Mike, and Jorge. Later finding Ryan Harvey after numerous bass player changes. This band is more determined and more driven than any other band out there and has made a devotion to the music and the scene by creating various albums of different genres, later coming back their roots on their latest breakthrough record “Grass.Roots.Culture”. Creating a reggae vibe with a latin and dub flavor, that surely cant be mistaken for another band in the scene! Dont Blink! you Might miss something!!!!
This is from their ReverbNation web page. Surf there for cool stuff, upcoming show info, etc. 🙂
This is a post about BTUs, or what I have dubbed Booger Transportation Units.
As well all know, there are two basic forms of BTUs: Compact Discs and DVDs. Of course there are others, like the 12″ LaserDisc dinosaurs of the past, CD-ROMS, and the BlueRay thingies of today. However, these are all variations on a theme: a disc-shaped platter that is magically “rainbow shiny” on one or both sides. The purpose of these BTUs is obvious: a convenient location for storing boogers and fingerprints for later. But did you know they can also contain information like music, pictures, data and even movies? Yes, it’s true!
When it comes to compact discs of music, most people generally reap what they sow. If carefully handled and protected, most compact discs can last years and even decades. I have some in my collection that date back to the 1980’s. If abused, however, they can be somewhat finicky. Scratches, dust, fingerprints, bodily fluids and even being broken in half can have a detrimental effect on playability. When you only handle your own property, that’s basically your problem.
Many places have made the rental of BTUs their business model. Unfortunately they failed to consider that while most human beings will take pretty good care of their own property, when the BTU belongs to someone else, those BTUs suddenly become suitable for duty as coasters, Frisbees, humping, licking, serving hors d’oeuvres and yes, even pulling duty as hankies.
I guess it’s not too surprising that most BTU rental businesses don’t expend the time or effort to make sure their BTUs are still serviceable after every use. If they did, I imagine there would be two basic benefits. First, they’d know the identity of the person who splooged on the BTU. Second, the sorry son of a bitch (aka customer aka sucker) who rents it next wouldn’t be the one to make that same discovery. They might, for example, actually be able to enjoy all the content for which they paid and not just some.
On the original Star Trek they had little yellow plastic chits that were seemingly impervious to the effects of humans. Unfortunately at our current state of technology we just aren’t there yet. We still have to physically fuck with shit that is fragile as hell. And that is where it all breaks down.