Tag Archives: cd

Poetry Slum Contest: Win a Green Day CD!

Shenanigans. This is what you covet.

Shenanigans. This is what you covet.

Diane, I’m holding in my hand a small box of chocolate bunnies used Green Day Shenanigans CD (circa 2002). This is Green Day before the era of American Idiot and 21st Century Breakdown. Early post-modern Green Day. Cubism. This is Green Day in the raw.

And I’m giving it away. For free. It’s contest time in the Abyss once again, although this one is a bit more real than most.

Introducing our first ever Poetry Slam Slum Contest!

So there I was at the trendy #PDX music store and I saw a Green Day CD. Was it already in my collection? Dammit. I couldn’t remember! Thinking I had possibly scored gold, I bought the thing and brought it home.

Curses!

My self-induced misfortune is your gain. You could win this thing!

Rules:

Use the comment section below. Slum some of your original work into the space I’ve thoughtfully provided. It must be “poetry” of some sort. It can rhyme. It can be freeform. It can be a haiku. It can be a sonnet, a bonnet or a ballad. Hell, I’ll even accept limericks if that’s all you got. Wimp.

Anything poetic goes. If you have a poetic license this is the time to take it out for a spin. Shenanigans are on the line!

You must be 18 or older to play. No purchase necessary. I am the Poetry Slum commissioner and my decisions are final. Winner will be determined by any means necessary up to and including Ouija Board. Open to persons in the United States only. Winner must provide a valid shipping address or no CD. The prize is a real physical object that takes up space in the universe and I want it gone. I reserve the right to make up more rules as I see fit.

Entries must be timestamped on this blog before September 1, 2014.

Wax on!

Forever Albums

The Undercity. Once upon a time I lived here.

This morning I said to myself, “No damn politics on the blog! Enough!” I then sat back, cleared my mind and let my consciousness wonder. The tweet above was the result. My brain came up with the idea of marshmallows and chocolate bars having a rumble in the street. Random, I know! From this the lame and grisly thought above got expressed. Too bad Twitter doesn’t have a retroactive time warp function.

Then I checked my “recent drafts” on WordPress to see if there was anything worthy of being finished. Weird, but none of the 267 candidates there showed promise.

So, here’s a totally random post about music.

Back when I worked in the Big City, a group of guys would get off work and head over to Bennigan’s for $1 draft beers and munchies. Yes, this is also the site of the famous Night to Dismember. But that’s another story.

One day I went to the jukebox. It played CDs. Not records. And it had the option to play an entire CD from start to finish. So, when no one was looking, I selected Clint Black. An album called Put Yourself in My Shoes. And I played the whole damn thing. It cost money but it was worth it. Back at the bar everyone was bitching. Who the hell was the asshole? I lamented along with the rest of them, playing along, but inside I was laughing my ass off. For some reason a bar full of young posers becomes really upset about country music.

I like music. I like it a lot. And I have varied and eclectic tastes. My collection ranges from death goth metal to bluegrass. Gilbert and Sullivan show tunes to gospel. Rap, soft hits, Air Supply, Alan Parsons, The Beatles, Elvis, folk, etc. Some genres (like rap and gospel) I am very, very picky but some still find there way into my collection.

Like Ricky Skaggs. I’m a superfan. It seemed like there would also be at least one hardcore religious song per album. I didn’t care. I’d sing along with those songs just as much as the rest of them. “Sinners don’t wait before it’s too late / He’s a wonderful Saviour you know / Well I fell on my knees when I answered my pleas / Hallelujah, I’m ready to go.” Singing songs like that can also be useful for freaking out your friends.

Sometimes you come across albums where you lik every single song. Even the ones that never went on to become hits or even get played on the radio. I often wonder how these things got decided when there were better songs on the album than the ones that got released as singles. Back when I was a kid, we bought albums, not individual songs. If you only go for the promoted singles you’ll be missing out on a lot. Anyway, if every song rocks, then I call it a “Super Album.”

So what is a “Forever Album?” I personally have known two.
Continue reading →

A Very Abyss Christmas

Just in time for the holidays…

Is the holiday season making your spirits too bright? If you find yourself feeling goodwill towards men, this new classic holiday CD might just help. Pop it in the old music machine and shatter some peace on Earth, won’t you?

Deck your fellow man instead of those pesky halls!

Not available in any stores!

Now how much would you pay?

Only 24 easy payments of $2.99. Operators are standing by. Don’t visit the Shopping Maul and punch women in the face just for the chance to own this fabulous bit of Christmas musical history. Ordering factory direct from China is available on our pimped out web site.

Come on! Step up and order today, but only if you’ve got the jingle balls to make a consumption decision that will change your life — forever! (All sales final.)

Includes classic downer hits like:

Critics fucking rave:

It’s a breadth of freth aire.
Some guy we paid who consented to us paraphrasing his words

And…

Songs from the Abyss cured my holiday cheer in no time at all!
Grandmother Taker (shortly before her most recent stroke)

And…

That’s 45 minutes of my life I’ll never get back and I couldn’t be happier!
Our recording engineer

I hope you’ll enjoy these timeless Christmas classics as my precious gift to you. Ho ho ho.

Is SIN one of the seven deadly ZENS?

Hey boys and girls. There is no such thing as a free lunch. However, right now, today, as I write this, you can download a CD from the group SINIZEN … and it’s absolutely free!

Still here? 🙂

I got mine. Did you get yours? Better click the link and get your free download while they still last. You can come back and read the rest of my blather once you’ve secured that payload. Priorities, priorities!

How often can  you get anything free these days? But if you act fast, it’s yours. I have no idea how long this will last. Seriously. Do … it … now.

I’m not exactly sure how to describe SINIZEN. I can’t seem to find a description for them on the web and – what? – no Wikipedia page yet? Seriously, someone should make one! I’d describe them as tasty licks with a reggae flavor. Someone can do much better than that, I’m sure.

So I told you where to get a free album. That’s my good deed for the day. Peace. Out.

Oh, and I put my thinking cap on, and for the life of me I can’t think of the seven deadly zens. Anyone got a list?

Update: I found their group profile.

SINIZEN is a four piece reggae rock group from Huntington Beach. Started by 3 friends, Kevin, Mike, and Jorge. Later finding Ryan Harvey after numerous bass player changes. This band is more determined and more driven than any other band out there and has made a devotion to the music and the scene by creating various albums of different genres, later coming back their roots on their latest breakthrough record “Grass.Roots.Culture”. Creating a reggae vibe with a latin and dub flavor, that surely cant be mistaken for another band in the scene! Dont Blink! you Might miss something!!!!

This is from their ReverbNation web page. Surf there for cool stuff, upcoming show info, etc. 🙂

Boogers and DVDs oh my!

This is a post about BTUs, or what I have dubbed Booger Transportation Units.

As well all know, there are two basic forms of BTUs: Compact Discs and DVDs. Of course there are others, like the 12″ LaserDisc dinosaurs of the past, CD-ROMS, and the BlueRay thingies of today. However, these are all variations on a theme: a disc-shaped platter that is magically “rainbow shiny” on one or both sides. The purpose of these BTUs is obvious: a convenient location for storing boogers and fingerprints for later. But did you know they can also contain information like music, pictures, data and even movies? Yes, it’s true!

When it comes to compact discs of music, most people generally reap what they sow. If carefully handled and protected, most compact discs can last years and even decades. I have some in my collection that date back to the 1980’s. If abused, however, they can be somewhat finicky. Scratches, dust, fingerprints, bodily fluids and even being broken in half can have a detrimental effect on playability. When you only handle your own property, that’s basically your problem.

Many places have made the rental of BTUs their business model. Unfortunately they failed to consider that while most human beings will take pretty good care of their own property, when the BTU belongs to someone else, those BTUs suddenly become suitable for duty as coasters, Frisbees, humping, licking, serving hors d’oeuvres and yes, even pulling duty as hankies.

I guess it’s not too surprising that most BTU rental businesses don’t expend the time or effort to make sure their BTUs are still serviceable after every use. If they did, I imagine there would be two basic benefits. First, they’d know the identity of the person who splooged on the BTU. Second, the sorry son of a bitch (aka customer aka sucker) who rents it next wouldn’t be the one to make that same discovery. They might, for example, actually be able to enjoy all the content for which they paid and not just some.

On the original Star Trek they had little yellow plastic chits that were seemingly impervious to the effects of humans. Unfortunately at our current state of technology we just aren’t there yet. We still have to physically fuck with shit that is fragile as hell. And that is where it all breaks down.