I’m the Bad Guy?
Last night my wife and I had a conversation.
“What’s for dinner?”
“I don’t know. What do you want?”
“Dunno. What do you want?”
“Looks like we’re going out.”
Seriously. Why I’m not picking up an Oscar for best original screenplay beats the hell out of me.
Singer/Songwriter Tom B. Taker
Oh yeah. Residuals. I now will feck you up with a spirited rendition of an a cappella performance piece I wrote while on vacation. And no, it wasn’t in Wyoming. That’s just an unfortunate naming coincidence.
I have to admit, this is one of the crappiest songs I’ve ever written.
Make the jump to view the video goodness. Enjoy!
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Stick me up on your way down
Here’s a bit of news in honor of 7/11 day…
Two teenage girls exited the local 7/11. They were accosted by a 45-year-old transient who shoved one of them and made off with a disclosed amount of cash. (The loot was a five dollar bill.) The transient went into the 7/11 convenience store and purchased an undisclosed amount of beer.
The robber then exited the 7/11 and threw the change from his transaction at the teenage girls.
One of the girls then confronted the master criminal who then slapped her in the face and departed the scene on foot.
Police caught the suspect a few blocks away and took him into custody on charges of theft, robbery, assault and harassment. He was lodged in the county jail. It turned out the suspect was already on parole for a prior charge of robbery.
I’m personally offering to buy the arresting officers in this case a 128 US fl oz (3.8 l) Team Gulp in the soft drink flavor of their choice.
Remember, if your town doesn’t have a 7/11 store, then your town isn’t stylish yet.
Testify and justify
There is a person I know who described himself as a Christian. No, this isn’t the same person I blogged about before when I talked about Fake Christians: Meet my boss. This time I’m talking about someone else. Let us call him Ignatz.
I always thought Ignatz was fairly on the up and up. He had some good points but also some troubling ones. (He’s one of those feisty overly aggressive looking out for #1 sorts. Which is yet another planned blog topic on my radar.) He became a Christian a bit later in life and has a somewhat checkered past.
We’d chit chat about religion from time to time and I generally liked his perspective. We’d talk about the God Hates Shrimp web site (a site that I truly adore), the book of Leviticus, and the fact that when Jesus died for our sins that basically rendered much of the “old laws” in the Old Testament mute.
Even as an atheist I could mostly grok the funky beats that Ignatz was laying down.
Then, the other day, Ignatz decided to share a story with me. I’m going to call it the Book of Staples. Verily, hear my testimony.
Ignatz had a coupon good for a $22 cash credit at Staples. I believe it was earned through his company’s participation in the Staples “rewards” program. Ignatz gave the boss the code and the $22 was redeemed by the boss through the Staples web site.
Now, Ignatz knew damn well the code had already been redeemed, but took the coupon with him on his next trip to Staples anyway. I still can’t believe Ignatz had the balls to tell me about this. Ignatz goes to checkout and hands over his stuff and the coupon. The clerk scans the coupon and says, “Hmm. It’s coming up invalid.”
Ignatz: “That’s weird. Can you give it another try?”
Beep. “Yep, it’s definitely invalid.”
Ignatz: “Darn. I was really counting on that discount. Otherwise I don’t have enough cash on me to make this purchase.” (This part of the story is actually true.)
Clerk: “I apologize for the mix up. I’ll go ahead and override. There ya go. Thank you for shopping at Staples.”
As Ignatz related this story to me, he sort of stuttered, hemmed and hawed when he saw the stunned and disapproving look on my face. “Jesus says it’s okay.” My stunned look grew impossibly bigger. “Since he died for our sins anything we do is already justified.”
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!
I was incredulous. “What about that Top Ten list that Moses brought down from the mountain?” I asked. “Wasn’t there a wee tidbit about stealing in there? Perhaps something about your neighbor’s oxen or donkeys or something the fuck like that?”
Now I’m no Biblical scholar, but I believe that Ignatz then threw some Bible verse at me to justify his actions. I believe it was Romans 3:24 (but I could be wrong, I really was quite stunned at the time) that he spewed at me which reads:
… and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
I’m very disappointed, but not overly surprised, by Ignatz. 😦