Hyppo and Critter: A fresh serving of hate
I doubt the subject line will bring many folks to my blog. Consider yourself the few. The proud. The whatevers.
Once you start formulating headlines that have nothing at all to do with attracting visitors, perhaps the time has come to ask yourself, “Why do I blog?”
No. I’m not going to answer that question. That’s another thing wrong around here. So be it.
For those of you who want this comic explained, be foolish and keep reading after the break. Beware. Beyond the comic there be dragons.
The Two Days of Christmas
Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful. But will we be together?
What Boss Is This?
Which is the reason for the season? Business or Christmas? Or, perhaps, the business of Christmas? It can get complicated. And it depends on many factors.
Of course, if your boss is Scrooge, you can pretty well guess how it’s all going to go down, right? Suddenly it’s all too simple.
My last two bosses have a lot in common. No need to rehash the whole thing. In short, they both love to eat money, they both are in retail, and they both have fake Photoshopped pictures of their business on their websites. They both consider themselves to be virtuous paragons of Christianity, too.
And they both hate to shut down for any holiday.
The day after Thanksgiving? No brainer. We’re open, of course. They’ll reluctantly shut down for the big day, but that’s it. Go on. Take the time with your family. Enjoy the day. Just don’t try to travel anywhere. Feel free to visit all of the relatives you want as long as they live in the same town.
Wow. How thoughtful.
Of course, we all know that day is called Black Friday. Even for a tiny little operation, that’s a day devoted to the unbridled lust for money.
It’s about the same for Christmas, too. Thanks to my bosses I have some precious memories of Christmas:
- Two bags of cat food, a container of kitty litter and a bottle of Pine Sol. (The Christmas Bonus song.)
- Another trip to WalMart with a Christmas “bonus.”
- Last, but certainly not least, the time my previous boss wanted me to attend his party on Christmas Eve. I declined, saying I had family coming into town. (The truth.) He told me I wouldn’t get my yearly bonus if I didn’t attend. Classy tidings of comfort and joy!
As an atheist, Christmas is a very important time of the year to me. It represents the holy grail of the most precious gift of all. Time away from my job!
Christmas and the Calendar
What’s the best possible scenario for Christmas scheduling? I think it’s when Christmas Eve falls on a Thursday and Christmas Day falls on a Friday. If you have a half-way decent boss, you just got yourself a four-day weekend! Even if your boss is a dick you still get a three-day weekend.
What’s the worst possible scenario? Have you looked ahead to December in 2011 yet? Take a look. Read ’em and weep.
Yep. This year we are facing Christmasaggedon. That’s Christmas Eve on a Saturday and Christmas Day on a Sunday. That’s absolutely the worst possible Christmas scheduling that mankind has yet devised.
If you have a greed-based boss, he’ll have an evil twinkle in his eye, rub his hands together, and exclaim, “God bless profits, every one! No extra days off for Christmas this year!”
Naturally us grunts assumed he’d at least make it a three-day weekend, even though days off are unpaid. (It’s well worth it.) No such luck.
Luckily, however, I anticipated all of this, and I thought to look ahead before my coworker thought of it. Days off request, baby. I took Friday and Monday off. He approved the request then talked about it in the office. Oops. Now the coworker knows. Too bad, so sad!
Sweet four-day Christmas weekend bliss.
Thank you, Father Christmas, that I had the foresight to plan ahead! At least someone is looking out for me. (Yeah, me, myself and I. We discussed this during our last meeting.)
Merry Christmas to me!
Testing my resolve
For 2011 I'd like my right foot to weigh less than 40. Also, I want to paint my toenails red.
“They” say that 80% of us will fail on our New Year’s resolutions. I like those odds so count me in!
Of course, one of mine was to get a post about resolutions up by Jan. 1. Oops. Missed it!
Personally I think waiting for a date on a calendar to try to make a change is a bit silly. If you want to improve something, go ahead and do it now. Why wait?
On the other hand, the first day of the year is a very easy day to remember. It will help you with one of the principles of Kaizen – namely, if you measure something it will improve. “How long has it been since I bit someone’s throat? Oh yeah, New Year’s Day. Now I remember!”
Before I pontificate further let’s do a little exercise together, shall we?
Grab a sheet of paper and write down your list of this year’s resolutions. No fair peeking ahead to find out what comes next! In fact, I’m going to do the jump thingy to enforce compliance. Fill out your sheet then click to continue reading.
Shouts from the Abyss 
Recent Comments