Moved
“You’ve got a keen eye, my man. This baby is hot.”
The salesman had seemingly materialized out of thin air. Suddenly he was saddled up and comfy cozy with the customer, on his elbow, and so shoulder-to-shoulder they were actually touching. The customer, in awe of a shiny object, missed the intrusion, and in so doing, a tiny layer of self-protection had been peeled back inside his brain.
“Nothing else can touch her,” the salesman boasted in a silky-smooth voice. Suddenly the object was personified with a female pronoun. We’re all just friends here and getting friendlier every moment. Desire in the customer imperceptibly kicked up another gear.
“Bluetooth ready with seamless integration for all of your devices. Phone, calendar, and email, of course. But also Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, and our latest innovation: hands-free texting. She generates her own wifi hotspots, too.”
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A trip to the Walmart in pictures
Every picture tells a story. This one is about me laughing at some kid's pain. This had nothing to do with my trip but it is a picture and this post will contain more of them.
All photographs in this post were iPhoned by the blogger formerly known as ~#^7>u. Please, no autographs. I hate writing that fucking name. Next time I’m going to change my name to . or somethin’.
Yeah, I took a trip to the Walmart once. The other day my wife said she was going, so naturally I asked, “Can I come along?”
There were no anti-bacterial wipes at the entrance so my wife had to actually touch the shopping cart. And she hasn’t touched anything since – especially me! We asked the official greeter about the wipes, but she feigned ignorance.
Just to mess with my wife, I demanded an Egg McMuffin (no meat) before we actually stepped inside the store. Luckily there was a McDonald’s right there. Handy! It has been my dream to walk around a Walmart with McDonald’s food in my hand. Scratch one from my New Year’s resolutions list!
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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