Tag Archives: benefits

401 Pork Belly Crude Efficient Market Theories

retirementI’ve often talked about the “three-legged stool” on this blog. No, you don’t have to leave. This post won’t qualify for a certain tag that shall remain nameless. I’m going to keep this post on a higher, more sophisticated plane.

So often, in fact, that I should probably elevate the topic to the level of a category so you can ignore all the posts equally at the same time. But that would be convenient therefore I won’t do it.

The future is something which “occupies” my thoughts from time to time. (Yes, my brain has little protesters in it.)

To refresh your memory, the “three-legged stool” is a metaphor rolled out around the time that piece of sassafras¬†Ida May Fuller clutched her first Social Security benefits check in her kung fu death grip. I remember it well because I was there. On the floor. Licking her ankles. Whispering hotly, “Be my sugar momma? Mommy? M to the O to the M M Y.”
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A Vacation Proposal

Some of my Twitter followers go with me on vacation.

All I ever wanted. Request denied.

Sorry. Not writing a post today, I am. Vacation on am I.

I better hurry up, though. I gotta be at work in a few minutes.

Does your employer offer paid vacation? No law requires employers to give their workers paid vacation days, but most companies do pay for some vacation days: More than 90% of all full-time employees in private industry receive paid vacation, according to 2011 figures from the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Source: NOLO.com

Wow. More than 90% of full-time employees have vacation time in this country. And, according to the BLS, that factoid only considers private industry, and they should know! As a government agency I’m sure they’ve got vacations squirting out of their privates. If you factor in governmental employees I’m sure that percentage grows to something about the size of the Death Star.

The beauty of a having a boss that feels vacations are superfluous for full-time employees is that they can never control your mind. I’ll take a mental vacation any goddamned time that I please.

By the way? Are you hiring? Be sure to ask for a copy of my resumé. Yes, you too can harness the power of guru and have it supporting your various nefarious schemes. To guru you listen. Harness power, you can.

Never one to be undaunted, I decided to intrepidly roll up my sleeves and see if I could make the power of maths help me with lack of vacations. You’ll be startled at the results I penciled out.
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Fixing Social Security in a Fair Way

Image source: Punch Debt in the Face

Image source: Punch Debt in the Face

Yes, yes! To Guru-San you listen. The debt! Remember your failure with the debt!

So yeah, I’ve got the solution that fixes Social Security. The whole thing. Once and for all. The big enchilada. And it does it in a fair way, too.

To those with 10% approval ratings I say, “Stop fiddle-farting around and pass my legislation. Stat!”

Allow me to introduce the Frozen Unilaterally Contributions Kablooey Act of 2013.
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Cogitation Flagellation: Papa John’s Pizza

John Schnatter. Papa John's Pizza.Image Credit – OpenClipArt member: rejon

Sally Ride

Sally Ride. Source: NASA, circa 1984.

The news of Sally Ride passing was something that hit me harder than I expected and took me by surprise. It had been a while since I had heard about her.

As a NASA booster and a fan of the space shuttle program since it began, Ride was a hero of mine. (According to Ride’s sister she “hated” labels of every kind, including the word hero.)

Described as a “private” person, Ride kept details about her pancreatic cancer from the public eye. She also chose not to reveal that she was gay. She lived the last 27 years of her life in a same-sex relationship.

Ride is often described as “the first American woman in space.” (A Russian woman named¬†Valentina Tereshkova became the first woman in space way back in June 1963.) Twenty years later Ride did it aboard the space shuttle Challenger in 1983. (The same shuttle that claimed the lives of seven astronauts just three years later.)

Ride also had a Ph.D. in physics from Stanford University and took that brain into space, logging 14 days, 7 hours and 46 minutes of flight time away from the Earth.

Sadly, Sally Ride was prohibited in this country from marrying the person of her choice. And because she was in a same-sex relationship, Ride’s partner of 27 years is not entitled to death benefits or Social Security payments.
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What would your reality show be called? (via So anyway…)

Reality TV

Reality TV

I came across a blog today that asked the simple question: “What would your reality show be called?”

My first thought was, “Hey! Excellent idea for a blog post.” But my second thought was, “Yeah, what would it be called?”

And that’s when I decided to think hard and figure it out.

It turned out to be a wee bit tougher question than I originally thought. Continue reading →

Happy employees have dead spouses

Employers know that happy employees are more productive. They know that employees dealing with too many outside stressors or issues may experience a drop in productivity.

I can only assume that’s why my wife’s company (a health insurer) only covers employees – not their spouses.

If something deadly should come along and take out the spouse the employees get five days to grieve, after which they are expected to get that nose right back on that grindstone.

Mush, mush!

Even more rewarding is the benefits themselves. Of course I don’t know this information firsthand. It was related to me by my wife, who I shall refer henceforth as The Covered. She’s been experiencing intense pain in her shoulder for a long time. Her physician sent her to an orthopedist who in turn prescribed, among other things, weekly massage therapy.

The Covered went to her first visit with the message therapist where the primary event turned out to be The Covered bursting into tears and bawling like a baby in front of the doctor, patients and staff. It turned out that due to the nature of her insurance it was going to cost $150 a visit and we simply can’t afford $600 a month or more in our budget. The staff was very kind and did some extra things for her know that it was The Covered’s first and final visit.

Without those bothersome therapy sessions getting in the way I guess that frees up The Covered to focus all of her time and energy on being the best employee she can be! How will it all turn out? I don’t know. I’ll be dead by then.