Tag Archives: bbq

I’d like to buy a bowel

yelpToday a story straight from the bowels of Yelp as discovered by yours truly.

You might think “yelp” is one of those made-up words so trendy among tech companies. You know, those words formed by taking two other words and jamming them uncomfortably together like a sequence from Sesame Street.

“Yellow.”

“Pee.”

“Yellow.”

“Pee.”

“Yel-pee.”

“Yel-pee.”

“Yel-p.”

“Yel-p.”

“Yelp.”

“Yelp.”

Alas, no, it didn’t go down like that. It turns out that “yelp” is an actual real word. It’s even in the dictionary and stuff. I looked.

yelp
noun
: a short sharp cry, esp. of pain or alarm

Wow. What a perfect principle to embody in a site that allows regular people like you and me to offer up our opinions on restaurants and businesses. By definition, they are expected to be short cries of pain and alarm.

Thanks, Yelp! Gotcha covered. 🙂

Today’s true story is something that happened in the world of Yelp. No, it’s not that exciting.
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Timberline and then some

ski-funTimberline is a ski resort located on Mt. Hood, Oregon. A timber line is a line of debarkation into an area where growth is no longer possible.

Now watch as I bring those two concepts together in a special Guru of Negativity kind of way. Today I’m going to share a true story from my period of apprenticeship that we will never speak of again.

The local news just reported that Timberline Lodge has received the first snowfall of the year. It’s not likely to stick around, so it’s a skosh early to grab my skis and take to the slopes, but it does remind me of the time…
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Viciously Malled

lego-wallHand in hand with my wife we strolled into a mall. Yes, this is a classic tale of horror.

We’d both spent time in our youth visiting this mall, which shall remain nameless. (Let’s be coy and say that it’s a little “square.”) We thought it would be interesting to visit it again.

We were insane.

I won’t say exactly how long it had been since my last visit, since that would date me, but it was approximately four score and seven years. Here’s to presidents that speak in code!

We circumvented the grounds but could not glean how to gain entry to the mall innards. So, we parked at one end and hacked our way through JC Penney. My tracking skills told me this would get us inside.

I was right!

Yanking my baby hard, I immediately veered left. As required by mall penal code, we pulled up at Mrs. Fields for some chocolate cookies a.k.a. “mall fuel.”
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Blow My Head Off

07-spicyfoodSitting in the restaurant looking over the menu. I stroke my chin meaningfully as I make a choice, possibly for the first time in my life.

“I’ll have the deep fried liver chitlins with the chicken hearts.”

“Excellent choice, sir. And would sauce would you like? Tangy or spicy?”

“Spicy!” Wow. I’m not usually this decisive.

“How spicy? One, two or three?”

Oh shit.
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Pine Near Whoa Man: Vegetarian Cowboy Pizza

When you go vegetarian there is a surprising truth that awaits that takes you totally by surprise: Cheese instantly becomes the most important lover in your life.

No longer do you ask the question, “What’s for dinner?”
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