Thank you, Teri!

Due to circumstances beyond my control, mainly an overabundance of niceness, I have won another award. I sincerely apologize for this. 🙂

The panda award for Super Comments was given to me by Teri over at Teri’s Blip in the Universe. Thanks, Teri! Do you think we should start a donation button to get her head examined? 🙂

My reward for winning this prize is that I get to torment you, my unwitting victims. This torment will deliciously take the form of ten questions that start now.

There will be no escape for you this time!

1. Why do you blog?

Honestly, I have to say it is pure narcissism. I get accused of that often. I mean, what’s so wrong about running around yelling, “look at me, look at me!” all the time? If you find me genuinely interesting, that’s great. If not, I’ll take that, too. Perhaps you look because of the exact same instinct that causes people to look at train wrecks. Perhaps I’m too pathetic and disgusting to look away. Whatever. I’ll take it. Whatever dysfunction that brought you here, just remember to keep your eye on the ball.

I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I’m too fascinating and humorous to keep quiet, you know? That would be deprivation on a planetary scale.

My mission (if you’ll allow usage of that outrageous word) is to bring negativity to the masses. As a guru, I am driven to help harness that powerful force for the benefit of all.

In the Real World I successfully gained readership and that was satisfying for a while. I began to wonder, though, if I could do it again relying solely on my skills with a lightsaber the written word. To do it while remaining completely and utterly anonymous. It has been, in some ways, much more challenging. Yet each success is much more thrilling.

And, I’ll be honest. I’ve met some truly wonderful people that I cherish. That was unexpected. Don’t worry about the mushiness of this paragraph. You won’t remember it later (after seeing a flash of light) and my reputation will remain unblemished.

2. What was your favorite age to be and why?

No surprises here, really. Jurassic wins this category, hands down. That’s when dinosaurs were dinosaurs and men were merely hairy. No other age stands a chance. Well, maybe Bronze. That was a pretty cool age, too. The hell with Industrial, though. I’m still mad about that one.

One second. I’ve just been informed that I may have misunderstood this question. Doubtful, but for the purists out there, please allow me the luxury of a bit of a revision here.

Damn hard question, actually. I’d have to say 18. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. In the best column I guess I’d have to say that learning my sexual orientation really ranks up there. I’d also just gotten out of basic training in the U.S. Army and I was a lean, mean, fighting machine and I had been given the skills and training to kill with my bare hands by Uncle Sam. I didn’t realize it at the time but those were some of the best days of my life. The only real negative of that same age was having my heart ripped out, folded, spindled and mutilated. Like I said, the best and worst of times.

3. What’s your favorite sport to play?

Yours truly when vacationing in Azeroth a long, long time ago.

Ah. An easy one. That’s the Rogue for sure. You know what they say, right? Rogues do it from behind!

There’s a picture of me to the left. I even have a kitty cat on my guild tabard!

Just think about it. They get stealth. They can use poison. They can inflict some hella DPS. They can also detect traps, pick locks and open boxes.

My first character was a priest, an evil one of course, and I made a lot of great memories with him. He’ll always have a special place in my heart.

My Blood Elf death knight was also fun, too. I maxed him out in Engineering and could even make the Mechano-hog, something I only got to do a single time. I also made him a flying carpet which freaked people out a bit. You know, that’s rather unusual for a death knight. 🙂

Yes, I know. I’m playing fast and loose with my definition of the word “sport.” Deal with it.

4. What’s your favorite sport to watch, and who’s your favorite team?

As I get older I find myself caring less and less about two things in particular: sports and fiction. And yes, I have lumped them together quite intentionally.

When I cared, I had a penchant for two loser teams, both from San Diego. The Chargers and The Padres. The Chargers made it to the Super Bowl once and sucked badly. The Padres made it to the World Series twice where they won a grand total of one game. Ever. (Also known as sucking badly.) Both teams have no real commitment to winning. Yet they are my teams. I mainly remember the glory days of yesteryear and would be hard-pressed to name anyone currently on either roster.

My growing disdain for sports and fiction is the subject of a future blog post that is planned, so be sure to stay tuned for that.

5. If you could pick your perfect career (and money doesn’t matter/the kids are out of the house) what would it be?

Kids out of the house? Wow. Speaking of fiction… 🙂

As someone who hates his job and bitches about it to anyone who will listen, this is a very important question.

My dream was to buy my grandparent’s property and keep the place in the Taker name. I was going to convert the old barn into a state of the art data center and my own personal creative space where I would do computer stuff. Outside it would still look like an old barn, and every morning I’d “commute” to work by walking down the gravel road by the electric fence. Inside it would be all James Bond and shit. I’d write computer programs, work on web sites and do a bit of writing, among other things.

Of course, none of that is ever going to happen.

At this point I’d settle for a full-time salaried webmaster job that paid about double what I make now, with full medical insurance, and four weeks paid vacation. This package is also informally known as “what I fucking had back in the year 2000.” I’m not greedy.

I’d also love to somehow be “self-employed” by being creative and do the bloggin’ thing. That would be the bomb. If I can grow my traffic by about one million percent I should be all set. 🙂

7. Do you ever feel guilty for blogging?

For me, blogging is an extension of “computing.” My day job is “computing” and my hobby has always been “computing.” Yes, after a full day of work and being on the computer I love to get home and  get right back on it. Some folks tell me this is a sickness. Writing and blogging, however, are different kinds of computing. And I have been weaning my RL writing while expanding the time that I blog. So as a time suck it has all remained remarkably consistent. But yes, sometimes I do feel a bit guilty. I have made the commitment to try to blog something creative every single day and that takes a remarkable amount of time and energy.

7. What is your favorite holiday?

As a guru of negativity, holidays are, by their very definition, the bane of my existence. They literally can kill me. Literally. As in dead, dead, dead. We hates them, we do! Yesssssssss!

8. What’s your favorite kind of music?

This is an area where there has been an interesting metamorphosis over the years. First it was 80’s glam rock, such as Styx and Queen. Then a lot of rock and roll. Then I went through a protracted country and western phase that persists to this day. Old school stuff like Randy Travis, Ricky Skaggs, Ronnie Milsap, etc. But as I’ve aged I’ve grown into death metal and alternative in a big way. Type O Negative, Rage Against the Machine, Bad Religion, Disturbed, The Offspring, etc. The harder and sicker the better. It is precious to us, yesssssss!

9. Do you consider yourself a good driver or bad driver?

I am, by far, an exceedingly excellent driver. And that’s not just a lot of bullshit. A lot of people say they are good drivers but are totally out of touch with reality and are totally full of shit. In my case it is absolutely true. My gifts as they pertain to driving are an almost scary 360 degree sense of total awareness and that I’m technically proficient. Well, all that and the simple fact that when I drive I actually pay attention to what I’m doing. Driving is a frequent topic here on the blog, to say the least. Most people probably don’t know I used to be a professional driver. Tractor-trailers AKA semis AKA 18-wheelers. I was also a certified instructor in a defensive driving course. I do have some humility when it comes to driving, though. I’m well aware that my biggest weakness is my temper.

10. What’s the farthest away place you have visited?

I’m going to have to take the cheap way out on this one. I crave anonymity on my blog and simply revealing where I haven’t been might provide a clue to where I normally hang out. I can say this much, however: Earth is, by far, the farthest I’ve ever been from home. And I deeply, deeply want to return to my home. For me, Earth is the “Wrong Planet.”

Passing on the Panda

It is now incumbent on me to pass along this humble award. I will do so poste haste, but, methinks, not quite yet. Before that will happen there will be a brief period, lasting no more than several years or so, where you may all attempt to curry favor by demonstrating your commenting skills. Be prodigious and your efforts just might pay off.

Good luck!