Tag Archives: attraction

A Snot Across The Bow

anthony-weiner-carlos-dangerI’ve always had the ability to sniff out Danger. Let me tell you, it does not smell good. Why do things always have to end up like this?

My mission today is to discuss Weiner and address the elephant man in the room.

I’m going to be straight with you. I’m a dude, albeit a feminized one. So I asked myself, what’s the hubbub about this man all about? Something isn’t kosher!

When I look at the face of Anthony Weiner blood rushes away from my naughty bits and leaves me with a bit of a headache. His face actually causes shrinkage.

Am I missing something? Not to put too fine of a point on it, but the Weiner is completely unattractive. I ask myself, if I woke up in the morning and found him laying on my body, what would I do? I’m forced to admit I would chew off my own arm just to get away. Trust me on this, not many humans meet that standard.

“Weiner” and “wiener” are two different things. Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never mix them up.

–Tom B. Taker

We call it “fugly.”

Unattractive. Unbeautiful. Man Medusa. Unseemly. Repelling. Unsightly.

And yet…

So what is it? What’s the attraction? Does he have the heart of poet? A horny poet? Does he understand women to such a degree that it turns them on? Does he hot chat better than the author of 50 Shades of Grey?

Or is it merely the money? Power? Celebrity? Is it all about the unquenchable lust for 15 minutes of shame? Is this what we have come to? That life is the ultimate substitute for reality TV like the game of Survivor?

I don’t get it. Luckily I keep an airsickness bag handy for times like these.

The Abyss Carnival

At last, the Carnival came to the abyss!

It may not look like much, but this was a huge and unprecedented event here in humble Abyssia. For the first time ever the Carnival was in our neck of the woods.

The main attraction, pictured above, was a ride called The Cyclone Carousel. The carnies, however, called it The Widowmaker. Come to think of it, this was the only attraction. The photo above shows the carnival in entirety.

Perhaps feeling a bit over-enthused, I rode that thing all day until I fell off, projectile hurled, and passed out face first in my own tummy spunk. I never knew men could build such things. That ride pulled some serious G-forces and relocated my stomach. I was yelling “I feel the need for speed” and “talk to me, Goose!” as that thing spun me round and round.

The only real pain was having to get off and go back and stand in line each time I wanted to again. Well, also the time the guy on the ride in front of me pooped his pants. That was not kosher.

All we need here in Abyssia now is a 7/11 and an ATM and we’ll be just like big cities with their fancy schmacy carnivals. Las Vegas, watch your back. We’re coming for ya!